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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bloody children

114 replies

thegreenlight · 31/03/2020 09:45

My 2 and 6 year old boys are so noisy and can’t be in a room together without shouting and screaming 2 year old does something 2 year oldish, 6 year old totally overreacts. I’m not allowed to do anything for myself. I’m trying to work from home and they have to be in the same room with me ALL THE TIME! Husband is working full time and wondered why I’m grumpy and do t want sex at the end of the day. They won’t play nicely, they have hardly any toys because though they have lovely things they then lose all the pieces so it can’t be played with. I’m hating being a parent right now.

OP posts:

endofthelinefinally · 31/03/2020 10:49

The reason I am asking why the OP is working from hom with no child care is because employers have responsibilities here and I am wondering if they know the situation.

drspouse · 31/03/2020 10:50

I thought PE teachers did that all the time?

(maybe I'm stuck in the 70s)

playthestation · 31/03/2020 10:52

Buy a whistle when they get loud blow it

Yeah. Train your 2 year old like a dog

OtherVoices · 31/03/2020 10:53

@OtherVoices they used to when I was in school (only 15 years ago) soon shut us up and got out attention.*

Same here 30 years ago!
I couldn't deal with the complaints from parents of today!

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 31/03/2020 10:56

Yeah. Train your 2 year old like a dog

Not really, you also need some treats with the dogs.

Nothing wrong with that though, it can't get worse anyway.

SueEllenMishke · 31/03/2020 10:56

Why are you expected to wfh when you have no child care?

In normal circumstances this applies but not right now. Both me and DH are working from home with no childcare for our 5 year old. We're just doing our best - we share responsibility for childcare and household chores and work around each other.

It sounds like your DH needs to step up and contribute a hell of a lot more.

Alb1 · 31/03/2020 10:57

The kids are perfectly normal for their age, this isn’t their fault anymore than it’s yours. You arnt a bad parent at all, you are doing your best in a crazy situation (and doing far better than your husband is!), but you need to have realistic expectations of the kids, of course they arnt going to play nicely in another room or the bath. Your DH needs to step up and help, he sounds awful, he should be bathing them when he gets home for one thing.

SueEllenMishke · 31/03/2020 10:58

The reason I am asking why the OP is working from hom with no child care is because employers have responsibilities here and I am wondering if they know the situation

I think most employers realise this is happening. What else can parents do?

TheWayOfTheWorld · 31/03/2020 11:00

I completely and utterly feel your pain - my two are a bit older but exactly the same with the screaming, shouting, fighting etc.

I am mainly alone with them, trying to do my full time job, as DH is intensive care doctor and barely here. When he is here he is sleeping/eating/glued to WhatsApp/laptop answering questions, rewriting protocols etc.

It's only been just over a week and I am exhausted, I can barely keep my eyes open by 8pm. I am just hoping that my firm cuts me some slack but who knows - most of my partners are men with wives who don't work/older children so they can hole themselves up in their homes studies and crack on.

I don't have any real tips I'm afraid, just to muddle through as best you can.

CeibaTree · 31/03/2020 11:00

I'm a bit confused at all the people asking OP why she's working from home with no childcare - I think there are millions of people doing that right now!

Yes I was thinking the same - very odd! OP, I agree with the pp - your husband needs to do more. Don't transfer your frustrations with him onto your children, particularly the two year old. He is still so small and needy at 2 years old and it's not fair to expect your 6 year old to play with him while you do work. I think a lot of working parents are finding things tough right now, and it's not fair that in some cases like yours that the mother is carrying the bulk of childcare.

Theyweretheworstoftimes · 31/03/2020 11:01

You are not a shit mother. It's a shit situation. My kid is napping and I am working with my laptop in the car as I cannot bear another moment in the same house as my kid and husband.

It's not possible to work and look after kids that's why people don't do it under normal circumstances.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 31/03/2020 11:02

OP just to say you are not a bad parent..you are stressed.that doesnt make you bad! The whole world is upside down right now for all of us,,it takes some proccessing and if we cant make head nor tail of it we cant expect the kids to either.They have no routine cos we dont..they dont understand yet we expect them to be normal and accept it..its a big ask of them! You need to stopand have a cuppa and form a plan as best you can.Its not easy on anyone.Get the 2 yr old playing drums with a wooden spon and pans then tipping and pouring with water in cups and containers that will make a really happy kid for a bit ..then find the 6 yr old something to do on their own. Then maybe they could colour or paint together later on? Just an idea.Can you rearrange your work slightly and do less in the day and more on a night when the kids are in bed maybe? It doesnt help either with kids boredom when they are stuck in ..do you have a garden? If so let em run wild out there for a bit if its safe.Fresh air works wonders! For the 6 yr old there are indoor and outdoor scavanger hunts on line I tried this with my 8 yr old and she loved it ..simple yet loads of fun she could do on her own..Tomorrow is another day dont beat yourself up over today ..easier said than done though I know!!!

endofthelinefinally · 31/03/2020 11:02

I would expect an employer to accept rearranged working hours, not 9 to 5 for example. I agree with pp that being able to focus on dc for chunks of time then some down time for them when mum works would be less stressful.
Also agree that the husband is a shit parent who is not helping at all.

jackdawdawn · 31/03/2020 11:05

Your husband sounds like a lot of men who expect exhausted women to 'service' them. The sort of man who asks a SAHM what she does all day.

You can't possibly work from home, it is hard enough even looking after kids these days and finding things to tire them out. I have boys and the pent up energy is insane. My 8yo climbed out of his bedroom window y'day onto the porch roof. Be lucky if some interfering busybody doesnt ring SS at some point in the next 12 weeks....

I think a lot of people are slowly going mad at this moment, the lucky ones are those who can get out and do a normal day's work.

Not sure what you do, but could you do your own work at the weekend while your husband takes care of the kids all day long, 12 hours Sat and sun ? At the very least it would give him a wake-up call.

cdtaylornats · 31/03/2020 11:08

Duct tape

madcatladyforever · 31/03/2020 11:09

I’ve just absolutely lost my shit with them. They were in the bath just screaming and splashing each other. I’m a shit mother, I must be because my children literally don’t know how to play. Husband gets gone from work, takes a leisurely shit for 20 minutes, then either does his hobby until it gets dark or sits in his phone on the sofa. Woe is me if I question him - shot him looks last night as I tried to cook dinner while still dealing with the children as he sat on his arse. He says ‘just ignore them’ right because I can do that for 10 hours. God I feel like I’m at breaking point!

if that was mu husband he's never get sex again and I'd laugh in his face if he dared to ask me. What a selfish lazy bastard.

itsgettingweird · 31/03/2020 11:10

A few things.

Agree your DH needs to step up. You need to both work shifts right now.

Why is it your 6yo is doing? You say over reacting and screaming to 2yo? If this is the case then if the younger is t really actuall6 doing anything wrong or to annoy the older child then send older child out every time they scream. I'd do that wfh or not. But then I'm really strict with screeching and screaming - it's just not necessary. That includes even in a park!

Don't cook dinner. Do a hot lunch for you and the kids. When dh gets home you say I've done xxxxxxx. I'm working now from x to x.
He can then do something for him and kids and you can make yourself a sandwich or whatever when you're done.

The best way I found to get my ex to do stuff was to nonchantly pretend he didn't expect me to do x y and z and calmly tell him I was doing x y and z. And if he tried to say anything I wouldn't come back with "I know I've been doing it all day". I'd reply something like "you'll be fine. I was when you were at work".

MysweetAudrina · 31/03/2020 11:12

All my colleagues with children including myself are wfh with our children. Mine are 12 and 10 so I am managing fine and my DH is still working as normal. It is obviously much harder with kids of your ages. Just do your best and get your dh to pick up some of the slack.

RedskyAtnight · 31/03/2020 11:12

Many of my colleagues are doing this. It only works if both parents share the childcare, you start early and finish late and arrange times during the day when (e..g) the children watch tv or do something that will keep them quiet.

It's not possible to work full time and look after a child full time. Unless you're planning to stop sleeping.

Overtime2019 · 31/03/2020 11:12

Aw I so so feel for you op I really do I've been in your shoes all week my youngest is 8 and has been a little horror all week at about lunch time where I'm having to put her in her room just to get five minutes and doesn't work as she'll kick doors in tell her sister she'll punch her in the face you just can't win whatever you do Im praying for the day they go back to school just so I can get a break

PoorlyWeasels · 31/03/2020 11:13

In our team we've been told to forget any normal timetable and just do what you can. You clearly can't work and look after children, it isn't possible. Do they get up really early or will they sleep in so you can get in an hour or so before they wake up? (I know most kids are up with the lark but my own DD had a "teen" sleeping pattern from birth and would lie in until the afternoon if I let her)

If you take them out and wear them out will they watch TV for a bit, as pp have suggested? You could use that time to work for a bit, and a bit more when they go to bed.

You are not a shit mother . Your DH is a really shit father and husband. Make dinner for you and the children early, and get them to "help", and let him sort himself out. He really needs to take over when he gets home, but good luck with getting him to see that, because he sounds like an arse.

Has your work got some sort of employee assistance that you can call? Or is your manager sympathetic? Why is your DH out at work? Is he a key worker? If so can your boys go to school/nursery?

tealandteal · 31/03/2020 11:16

Agree your husband needs to step up here. When he gets back, you start work and he takes over. Brings you up dinner and takes the kids on a Saturday (if your work allows) if you need to catch up any lost hours. How may hours a week do you work? I am spreading my hours over 5 days instead of 4 at the moment.

MrsCBY · 31/03/2020 11:16

Husband gets gone from work, takes a leisurely shit for 20 minutes, then either does his hobby until it gets dark or sits in his phone on the sofa. Woe is me if I question him - shot him looks last night as I tried to cook dinner while still dealing with the children as he sat on his arse. He says ‘just ignore them’ right because I can do that for 10 hours

Why are you blaming your children for the fact your husband is a useless prick who makes your life ten times harder instead of sharing the load like a proper partner?

Bloody husband is your problem. Don’t blame your DC. They didn’t have anything to do with you marrying him. Get angry with the person who deserves your anger because of the shitty, unacceptable choices he is making as an adult.

And if it wouldn’t be safe for you to get angry at him, then you’re in an abusive relationship which is awful for you and you need to get support around that asap.

But don’t blame your kids. None of this is their fault.

IdblowJonSnow · 31/03/2020 11:17

2 and 6 is a particularly tough gap/time. Mine are 4 years apart and mostly get on, but the time that was hard was when they were 2 and 6. 2 and any other age would be tough.
You're not unreasonable and you're not a shit mum.
Your husband needs to step up.

Original poster

thegreenlight · 31/03/2020 11:18

Thankyou for the support x He is usually really good but does have a habit of reverting when I am at home (told a sobbing 2 week postpartum mastitis driven me that I needed to pull my socks up and get the washing done) I’ve got the kids doing an indoor scavenger hunt and we have just baked berry muffins. My job requires me to be in contact 9-5 so I can’t restructure. DH just doesn’t get it, he works in his own office and for him things haven’t changed at all.

OP posts:

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