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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bloody children

114 replies

thegreenlight · 31/03/2020 09:45

My 2 and 6 year old boys are so noisy and can’t be in a room together without shouting and screaming Sad 2 year old does something 2 year oldish, 6 year old totally overreacts. I’m not allowed to do anything for myself. I’m trying to work from home and they have to be in the same room with me ALL THE TIME! Husband is working full time and wondered why I’m grumpy and do t want sex at the end of the day. They won’t play nicely, they have hardly any toys because though they have lovely things they then lose all the pieces so it can’t be played with. I’m hating being a parent right now.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 31/03/2020 12:30

Ps talk to th!

stayathomer · 31/03/2020 12:30

Dh !!

midlifecrash · 31/03/2020 12:33

Tell your H you'll let them loose during his leisurely shits unless he steps up. Confiscate his bogroll

IdblowJonSnow · 31/03/2020 12:36

Ffs she is not calling her children bloody to them!
It's called venting and is what mumsnet is for!

Imstillskanking · 31/03/2020 12:43

told a sobbing 2 week postpartum mastitis driven me that I needed to pull my socks up and get the washing done

...Wtf?

Your husband is the problem here.

And it's fine to say "bloody children" when they can't hear you. People need to calm down.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 31/03/2020 12:51

How would your DH react if you told him to fuck off because you've had a shit day caring for the children and trying to work as well?
Would he understand, or would he lose his temper with you?
The answer would be quite revealing.
I agree with a pp, he sounds like a selfish prick who doesn't respect what you do.

YenniferOfVengeberg · 31/03/2020 13:01

I'd get rid of the useless cunt. You'll get a lot more of a break when he has the kids on his own, assuming he's not useless enough to walk away.

WhereYouLeftIt · 31/03/2020 13:02

"Husband gets gone from work, takes a leisurely shit for 20 minutes, then either does his hobby until it gets dark or sits in his phone on the sofa."
What is his hobby?

Frankly that is shit behaviour at the best of times, it is doubly shit now. That level of hobbying is for single childless adults, not parents.

Iamamoleinthegarden · 31/03/2020 13:10

I would give anything to spend one more day with my children.

ThrowingGoodAfterBad · 31/03/2020 13:15

We had a huge argument because he says I’m miserable when he gets gone and I ‘offer him nothing’ in basically touched out having 2 clingy kids all day that don’t really behave themselves.

Op this is awful. Why don't you ask him what he is offering you? Ask him what you are getting out of this?? They are his children, if he is so demanding about sex it is clear that he needs to take responsibility for his offspring!

Regarding entertaining the children as others say it is a full-time job. I'd try to think of two activities a day, one of which can be there permitted going out time - have you got bikes or scooters and a safe place to go? And between those times don't be afraid to use the TV / other screens. I'd set it up as session 1, screen session, session 3 activity, screen session.

Then hand over to your dh and tell him it's his turn now. I would then take great delight in making equal demands of him at the same time, but perhaps household peace should come first.

PeterPanGoesWrong · 31/03/2020 13:18

I’ve just got off of a FaceTime chat with my daughter. She was basically saying everything you said, so I posted her the link to this page. She text me to say she could have wrote this! So you’re not alone, I know it doesn’t help but you’re not alone.

I agree with pp that your DH needs to pull his finger out and take some responsibility for his children when he gets home. He does sound beyond useless but if you’re normally ok with being told to pull yourself together and do the laundry then that’s not for me to judge, but he must understand that he has to help raise his family now.

You both need to sit down and work out a fair workload. You can not be responsible for all the housework, raising two children and continuing to do a full time job.

Sorry to be blunt but your DH is a dick.

Dk20 · 31/03/2020 13:20

I'm in a similar situation at the minute, with a 6 year old and a 9 month old. Dp is gone to work all day and doesn't have the option to work from home.
I'm finding it really hard aswell, the baby is napping a lot but other than that ds is entertaining him while I watch from the kitchen table. I'm pulling away completely for an hour at lunch time to spend proper time with them, and start work at 8 instead of 9 so I am finished an hour earlier.
Would it help if you separated your children a bit? Put one watching his fave programme on TV while the other plays, then swap around?
I'm finding it really hard as my 6 year old just wont stop talking all day so it's really hard to concentrate, or asking repeatedly for food. I did have to ask him to go and play in his room for a bit just so I can concentrate.
You're not a shit mother, we've just been placed in this unusual situation where we have to manage the best we can

TryingToBeBold · 31/03/2020 13:21

What is his hobby?
Take the fuse out his phone charger
Ignore the kids for 30 mins when they scream so he has to finish his shit earlier.

Oh and don't cook dinner.
Put a film on. Snuggle on the sofa with the kids and just say "oh is that the time already". "Weve got 30 mins left.. can you start dinner."

JassyRadlett · 31/03/2020 13:22

We had a huge argument because he says I’m miserable when he gets gone and I ‘offer him nothing’ in basically touched out having 2 clingy kids all day that don’t really behave themselves.

And what does he think he offers you?

Bumpsadaisie · 31/03/2020 13:25

My advice OP would be:

Talk to your husband, explain how difficult things are and agree how he can help when he gets home.

The more stressed you are the more your kids will play up. Speak to your work and make them understand you will do what you can but you can't deliver business as usual.

Plan your day so that you provide input and exercise to the kids for one hour, and then put them in front of screens or tech for the next hour. With a two year old you are probably going to have to be near them most of the time as they wont want to be left. But maybe you can do emails while they play or watch tv or whatever. With such a young child you are going to have to swap between attention to her and attention to your work in pretty short bursts.

Put your work away when you focus on them. Once you have focussed on them for a bit then you will feel better about focussing on your work, and they are likely to feel more contained and able to manage themselves for a while alone.

I realise you don't call them bloody children to their face but they really can't help it. They can't think what it might be like for you, they are not developed enough yet.

The calmer and more containing you can be, while continuing to give them injections of your attention, the better they will behave in the end.

Its a very unsettling time for kids and no wonder they play up and act out.

Its a massive task to have to manage so I feel for you. I am daily glad that my two are older (10 and 8) and that I am not trying to WFH and manage them aged 4 and 2!

CanICelebrate · 31/03/2020 13:27

I am working full time (senior ish teacher) from home with 3 dc at home ‘schooling’. It’s a fucking nightmare and mine are a lot older than yours.
No advice I’m afraid, but I want to say you’re not a shit mum, you are a frustrated mum doing her best in a shit situation Flowers

CanICelebrate · 31/03/2020 13:31

My dh is actually great with the dc but he is out all day at work so it’s no help whatsoever to me in the day!!
And ‘bloody children’ is fairly mild compared to how I’m currently describing my teenagers!

Original poster
thegreenlight · 31/03/2020 13:32

I genuinely think he thinks he has the shitty end of the stick having to work Confused so he doesn’t have much sympathy. To be fair, he used to pick the kids up once a week and had them in his own for 1.5 hours and be would be a grumpy shit too! He just can’t make the connection. Just text him to say I hadn’t heard from him today and he said he’s been too busy and will call me on the way home (had time to like random posts on face book though!)

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 31/03/2020 13:34

You sound at the end of you tether, thegreenlight. Obviously you need to speak to your husband and tell him that this can't continue but for now, you need a bit of support to cope with your kids who are hi-energy and disparate ages.

You've already done the baking thing. The DVD/tv can also be employed and I'm sure you are. The other thing that I've done with my kids (not such big age gaps as yours but enough) was 'sports day'. I used our garden to set up 'sports', hide-and-seek (giving each child different things to find) so that whilst there was competition there was no cheating - had them running about (timed) with different expectations based on age.

I also had sticker books, and the card game 'Memory' which is really good for your six year old if not the 2 year old. Plonk 2 year old in front of whatever they like to watch until they nod off.

Can you engage your six year old into helping you with some stuff around the house? It might be frustration on their part that their only play mate is their much younger sibling so perhaps they'd be interested in doing some tasks with you?

Other than painting/drawing - what about 'tents' in the lounge with a sheet/chairs?

It's exhausting, I know. What do they want to do? I would ask them, see what can be modified to make it suitable for both - or just let older child do what they want (within reason) and engage with the 2 year old.

I'm so sorry you feel overwhelmed. Evenings are when your husband can take over and I wouldn't bother with giving him a 'side eye', just say "I'm going up for a bath/bed/to read now" and leave him with them. No messing around or gratitude - you need time off too

And, you're not a shit mother, just a bit overwhelmed as any of us might be with all that. Brew

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 31/03/2020 13:35

Oh... and getting them to sort recycling. Ours always liked that.

StripyHorse · 31/03/2020 13:42

Xenia Schools are quite rightly only open for vulnerable children (especially those who are safer in school) and children with keyworker parents who have to be in work. This isn't teachers being lazy, it is to minimise the spread of the virus.

lurker69 · 31/03/2020 13:47

my youngest are 2, 4 & 5 it is constant here and I feel like my brain is going to explode most days. when he gets in tell him its his turn get in the shower lock the door and put some music on your phone to drown out any noise from beyond that door! honestly just 10 mins to yourself can really help, I feel like I've been at the spa for a weekend sometimes after doing this!

Nanny0gg · 31/03/2020 13:51

There is definitely a shit parent in your family and it isn't you.

When this is over I would be rethinking my future (and his)

WaterIsWide · 31/03/2020 13:53

He says ‘just ignore them’

This is what their Dad says ? WTAF ?

blue25 · 31/03/2020 13:55

Most of the kids round here shout and scream. So many people have no idea how to look after their kids.

Drives those of us trying to work round the bend.