Bloody children

[thegreenlight]

My 2 and 6 year old boys are so noisy and can’t be in a room together without shouting and screaming 2 year old does something 2 year oldish, 6 year old totally overreacts. I’m not allowed to do anything for myself. I’m trying to work from home and they have to be in the same room with me ALL THE TIME! Husband is working full time and wondered why I’m grumpy and do t want sex at the end of the day. They won’t play nicely, they have hardly any toys because though they have lovely things they then lose all the pieces so it can’t be played with. I’m hating being a parent right now.

I genuinely think he thinks he has the shitty end of the stick having to work

You each have different sticks though. Yes, his stick is shitty but so is yours.

You do sound like you excuse your husbands behaviour OP.
To be honest I have a 2yr old and 5yr old and they can’t play nicely together. They argue and snatch and don’t share and I can’t leave them for more then a few minutes without a fight of some description breaking out.
It’s tiring and wearing my patience and I don’t get a break mon-fri because of DH’s job but I’m not juggling a job at home (lost my business 2 weeks ago).
I would ask your employer for parental leave if you can afford it. At least for a couple of weeks to let you get your shit together. You shouldn’t be yelling at kids of that age left to entertain themselves.

blue25 ha

OP, really sorry, but he's no prize.

Ignores his children.
Doesn't mind or engage with them.

Yet somehow thinks you can work full time and mind them at the same time.

He thinks he should continue to not support you when he returns home...

He's a slefish prick.

I hope your contraception is sorted..

Poor woman putting up with such selfishness.

Why are you expected to wfh when you have no child care?

Who says stuff like this? Don't you read the news? Are you aware what is going on in the country? A friend was gobsmacked when I said I was having to homeschool my kids whilst working at home. Has she been living under a rock?

What on earth do people think working parents are doing now? Do you seriously think we all quit our jobs now that we have to be at home? Or that employers could just say to a serious proportiont of their workforce - 'yeah that's cool - I still have work you need to do, but fuck it - just don't bother now you have snotface and weebum to look after'.

You need to wait until the dc are asleep tonight and then lose your shit with your husband. He sounds utterly useless.

You have a 4 year age gap, they will rarely play together nicely. Let them do their own thing, What a 2 year old wants to do is boring to a 6 year old and what a 6 year old wants to do is beyond the capabilities of the 2 year old. You have to teach them not to scream, inside voices and outside voices and be bloody strict about it. As for your Husband tell him to grow up

I don’t understand how it is all the husband’s fault when he is out at work all day. I’m in no way excusing the fact he’s a twat when he is at home, but expecting people to WFH full time with no child care is just not feasible, even if they have the most wonderful husband ever to walk the face of the earth.

The OP has stated repeatedly that she can only do her job between 9-5, so even if he did come home and drop everything to look after the kids, it wouldn’t change her work situation in the slightest.

Time and time again it is acknowledged on here that looking after children is a full time job, whether you do it yourself or pay for childcare, yet all of a sudden people are expected to be able to work and care for their children at the same time. Just because we are in a crisis situation doesn’t actually mean it’s doable.

Your husband sounds like an absolute fucking useless git. Get angry and lay down the law to this deadshit prick that things are going to change, otherwise your resentment is going to build up to the point that you will end up walking out. And trust me, it will.

@ITasteSpring
Somebody who has been following this very carefully and reading the recommendations to employers around key workers, essential workers and adaptations around working hours.
I went on to say that employers should be looking at ways to share and adapt roles and working hours for employees.
This was later backed up by others with HR experience.
So really no need to be so rude.
The OP didn't elaborate as to why her employer expected her to work full time 9 to 5. In general, it seems that if people can work from home, it might be reasonable to get some flexibility.

I genuinely think he thinks he has the shitty end of the stick having to work

You mean by going out to work - because you are having to work as well?? Is he acknowledging that?

You are having to do two full-time jobs at the same time. Then a third, dealing with husband's demands when he gets back. This really needs full-on discussion, when the kids are out of the way. You at least need support from husband when he's there, and my hat is off to you for working two jobs at the same time anyway.

In dire times like this, I’d chuck them an iPad each. You’ll have your peace and quiet and you can bend the screen rules - exceptional circumstances

You mean they play and amuse themselves in the same room while he fiddles about on his phone and ignores them - well, you are certainly not a 'shit mum' if you are baking and playing treasure hunts with your children, but he is not engaging with them as a dad, is he?

I think men like this could do with parenting classes. It's emotional neglect really.

end of the line finally

Your first posts WERE very patronising and dismissive. “Employers have obligations” - and people, real people, have families to support and bills to pay.

Thousands of people in my firm alone are wfh with kids.

Knowing HR theory and law is pointless if you cannot consider the actual day to day reality in front of you.