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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up of being told I am lucky to be still working

75 replies

BetsyJameson · 31/03/2020 04:49

My DH and I, like a lot of people are both still working and coming into contact with lots of people each day. However I keep being told we are lucky to still be able to be out of the house everyday. This is by people who are at home on full pay who will have jobs to go back to. We don’t feel lucky to be risking our health (in our 50’s and 60’s) and that of our DC, one who has health problems. I’m getting fed up of hearing how fed up and bored they are but when I suggest they volunteer to help vulnerable people get their shopping , etc so they aren’t stuck at home, they soon come up with excuses! My DH has already left for work and I’m awake worrying, waiting for my alarm to go off wishing I had a day at home to be bored.

OP posts:

HeyDuggeewatchadoin · 31/03/2020 04:57

I agree, I'm a key worker. I've seen syrupy "poor key workers have to leave their kids to go work, hold your kids tight" posts that piss me off.

I just want people to realise that some of us have to work to keep people well and shut up and follow the rules. Especially the hand washing!

OntheWaves40 · 31/03/2020 05:01

I haven’t witnessed any of this. You need some new friends!

BitchHazel · 31/03/2020 05:11

YANBU. I have to go to work every day, staying 3-4 hours longer than usual to cope with the extra workload. We are verbally abused on a daily basis, in contact with hundreds of strangers, many of whom are visibly careless about personal hygeine and social distancing. I could carry this home to my son or my partner and make them unwell.

I don't feel lucky to be facing all that, though I must admit work is helping me to keep routine and structure to my day as opposed to being stuck at home.

Original poster

BetsyJameson · 31/03/2020 05:19

To be honest it has really surprised me. I don’t think they realise that apart from going to work, which I don’t think is enjoyable for anyone at the minute, no matter what your job is, we aren’t going out anymore than they are. In fact probably even less as we don’t get chance to have a daily walk for an hour!

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/03/2020 05:20

I'd had nothing but concern and well-wishing.

Thepigeonsarecoming · 31/03/2020 05:30

I don’t think you ABU but can you give a general viewpoint of your jobs? Are you keyworkers or people whose employers have choose not to shut down premises? A lot of people aren’t actually home on full pay but scared and anxious about the 80% promise and how that will work

Original poster

BetsyJameson · 31/03/2020 05:38

I agree routine and structure do help and people used to working will find it hard to be suddenly without this. But at the moment my anxiety about passing something onto my DC and making their health worse or my DH becoming ill outweighs this. However I wouldn’t say to people they are lucky not to be working as I know it’s different for everyone.

OP posts:

Thepigeonsarecoming · 31/03/2020 05:42

You still answered non of my questions though, are you a politician 😂

Toddlerteaplease · 31/03/2020 05:44

I totally get it. I live on my own and finding it really tough going. Especially as I never stay in during the day. But keep being told that "at least you can go to work" arghhhh! I am truly grateful for this, but we are also so quite at work, that there is nothing to do and barely any patients!

letmeinthroughyourwindow · 31/03/2020 05:49

I think YANBU to wish that you are safe at home.

But a great many people are losing their jobs, are worried about losing their jobs, are managing on a reduced salary, can't pay essential bills. To them, you probably do seem quite lucky.

Original poster

BetsyJameson · 31/03/2020 05:52

We are both key workers and are lucky in that we are being paid when I know a lot of people who are in financial difficulties and losing their jobs. But the ones who are saying we are lucky to still be going out to work are the ones who will have jobs to go back to and are no worse off financially. I think having a child with health problems and because of DH’s age, I am just feeling more sensitive to everything and probably should just ignore them! I was just unable to sleep and feeling sorry for myself but I’m up now ready to face another day!

OP posts:

Original poster

BetsyJameson · 31/03/2020 05:56

Sorry @Thepigeonsarecoming I’m a bit slow at replying! No thankfully I’m not a politician 🤣

OP posts:

WanderingMilly · 31/03/2020 05:58

YANBU, I quite agree with you. It does seem unfair that those of us at home, with pay, are complaining about being bored when there are so many heroes working to keep the rest of us safe in our houses. And the workers are the ones putting themselves at the most risk....

Thepigeonsarecoming · 31/03/2020 06:05

Op I hope you're feeling better, you have to remember that if you’re coping better someone else will be jealous. Sadly that’s the way the world works

Drivemybluecar · 31/03/2020 06:08

I’m still working. I feel lucky to still be working if that makes sense. Everyday I come home grateful that I have one more days pay. I’m a house keeper. So I’m going from my house where my husband is only working one in three days to their house where they are only going food shopping.

I’m happy with this for now but if they lock us down further I will stay at home. But won’t be paid. How am I going to buy food then !

Original poster

BetsyJameson · 31/03/2020 06:09

Thank you @Thepigeonsarecoming I feel better for coming on here!

OP posts:

TW2013 · 31/03/2020 06:11

It could be cognitive dissonance - it is uncomfortable to think that you and your family are having to risk catching this virus and possibly passing it on to your dc. To face that reality while they are a bit bored of being asked to sit on the sofa and just go out occasionally but not face much risk is psychologically uncomfortable. They know that you are still working so that they can stay at home and lessen their chances of catching it (at least early on when there is less of a treatment plan). If they actually had the opportunity to swap with you, many would not want to.

I think it also depends what sort of person you are, I am more introverted so it doesn't really bother me too much staying at home. I am still working full time at home which does give the day some structure but is hard with the whole family around. I would still rather them all be at home.

There is of course another layer of people who think that this is a big fuss about nothing, they would not be ill, only the others, the weak will be ill. They are just annoyed that they can't do whatever they like at the moment because they are used to bulldozing their way through life. Fortunately none of them on my FB feed. I don't think it is worth wasting energy thinking about them.

From this sofa sitter, thank you for going out and keeping the country running.

ineedsun · 31/03/2020 06:12

I've not heard anyone say this at all but YANBU.

I'm fed up of people's competitive misery through this. Everyone is having a shit time for different reasons and it's not a race to the bottom.

I think maybe some of this is a clumsy 'look on the bright side' attempt so perhaps not intended in the way it might come across.

People are struggling and everyone has their own reasons.

letmeinthroughyourwindow · 31/03/2020 06:12

"But the ones who are saying we are lucky to still be going out to work are the ones who will have jobs to go back to and are no worse off financially."

With respect, you have no idea what their worries and concerns are. DP is working from home on full pay, and probably gives the appearance of having it easy, but he knows it can't continue indefinitely and is worried sick.

But if the people you refer to are genuinely in indispensable industries, with zero worries about job security, and are safely working from home, then YANBU to be resentful, since they are being very insensitive indeed.

Cherrysherbet · 31/03/2020 06:14

I work in a supermarket, and whilst I am concerned at the possible exposure to the virus, I also consider myself very lucky to be able to do my job.

Staying at home all the time would be harder. I only have sundays off, and that drives me insane atm.

I’m happy to work, serve the public (who have, on the whole been very kind and grateful to us) and wait for this time to pass. Stay safe.

Original poster

BetsyJameson · 31/03/2020 06:22

I hope it doesn’t come to that @Drivemybluecar. I know we are lucky to be working and earning money still when there are people who are struggling financially. I don’t mind being told by them that we are lucky. It is the ones who are safe at home and are no worse off financially that tell people who are working and risking their health how lucky they are.

OP posts:

AnyOldSpartabix · 31/03/2020 06:23

I’m with you OP. I go to work and spend the day juggling gloves and handwashing, taking my breaks in the car because all indoor areas are communal and our normal break room has been closed.

But then I was at home for the weekend, where my young adult son is going stir crazy and it wasn’t much better and I found that frustrating too. This situation is horrible for everyone. I don’t like my job, but keep reminding myself I’m lucky to have it.

Hope you stay well.

Daisy12Maisie · 31/03/2020 06:30

I agree. Yes everyone has their own difficulties but I'm a single mum and knackered and struggling at the best of times because I'm always at work or rushing round after the kids.
Since this has happened I've been working 60 hrs rather than 40 and I wont see any of the extra money as I have a rental house and the tenants are not paying rent because of this so my overtime will pay the mortgage whilst I'm not receiving rent.
I feel a bit resentful that I'm having to work extra to pay the mortgage whilst they dont pay rent and both of them get to be at home with their children. There are 2 supermarkets within walking distance of where they live asking for staff but instead of working to pay the rent they arent which is causing me to work even more hours.
I think I'm likely to get I'll as I am permanently exhausted.
Yes I'm lucky to have a job (key worker) but I'm exhausted and struggling to find the time/ energy to get food after night shifts

Leflic · 31/03/2020 06:35

Absolutely Op. Work don’t need me in ( slight worry there) and I feel lucky to be in full pay, able to isolate and get all those stupid jobs round the house done.
Weather has been great too.
I feel massively for supermarket staff who are working long shifts, under new and challenging conditions for no extra money.

Pulppixies · 31/03/2020 06:35

I’m very resentful of having to go into work while most of my colleagues are sat at home getting paid for it. I also read they are accruing holidays as well. How can that be fair? So they can be off for 3 months and come back and get all their holidays? It’s building huge resentment at work

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