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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up of being told I am lucky to be still working

75 replies

BetsyJameson · 31/03/2020 04:49

My DH and I, like a lot of people are both still working and coming into contact with lots of people each day. However I keep being told we are lucky to still be able to be out of the house everyday. This is by people who are at home on full pay who will have jobs to go back to. We don’t feel lucky to be risking our health (in our 50’s and 60’s) and that of our DC, one who has health problems. I’m getting fed up of hearing how fed up and bored they are but when I suggest they volunteer to help vulnerable people get their shopping , etc so they aren’t stuck at home, they soon come up with excuses! My DH has already left for work and I’m awake worrying, waiting for my alarm to go off wishing I had a day at home to be bored.

OP posts:

Stripeyfrog · 31/03/2020 08:49

Someone said to me the other day that she thought everyone would be better off after lockdown as we wont have been able to go out and spend any money. She works in a public sector job, can wfh and is doing about 50% hours. It was a bitter pill for me, who works in private sector, business is closed and possibly wont reopen.I wont be getting full pay and wont be surprised if I'm not doing that job in a few months time. I'm really not going to be better off, and neither are thousands upon thousands of others!!

MintyMabel · 31/03/2020 08:53

we aren’t going out anymore than they are

But you are actually going out more than I am. You are seeing different places and different people than the ones in your own four walls.

I don’t think you’re any luckier than me, but don’t pretend you know what it is like to not go out of your home for weeks on end.

You underestimate the effect that being able to leave your house for the day actually has on your mental well being.

fivesecondrule · 31/03/2020 08:58

My DH is still working. Some people in his team were getting pissed off that all the office staff had gone home getting paid. He was quite glad to still be at work (he employees are operating under very strict and safe orders) but by the end of last week he was feeling the same. I do think the weather been so beautiful and the novelty of it all didn't help. This week they've announced furlough for quite a lot of office staff. I think the mood in my DHs team has shifted and they're all quite happy knowing they have jobs. I think by next week those who are working will be in a much better place as hard as it is now because been inside all day with nowhere to go worrying if you'll have a job to go back to will soon start hitting people (myself included) hard.

tabulahrasa · 31/03/2020 09:00

I’m not getting paid, I probably won’t have a job to go back to... and I loved my job...

My DP is still working and comes into contact with lots of people in different locations - so it’s fairly likely he’s going to catch it and pass it on to us.

Tbh, yep, I’d rather be working, it’s not like I’m at home keeping myself safe, I’m staying at home so when he does pass it on I hopefully haven’t given it to anyone else.

It’s also not about being bored, I’ve got things to do - but it’s the lack of interaction with other people that’s hard going.

It’s bloody weird when you get to the point that you’re actually excited to need to go shopping...

I mean I’m not phoning all my friends who are still working to moan at them, but being at home isn’t exactly fun just now.

Everything is just pretty shitty for everyone right now...

Dipi79 · 31/03/2020 09:02

I think YABU. Are people saying this to you in such a way as to mean "you should be grateful you are still working" or do they mean "I wish I could still do my job". Perhaps it is a tad insensitive for people to be saying this to you, but I think more people are freely expressing themselves in a world that has gone a tad topsy turvy.
I am bored at home. I do structure my day. But, I miss my children, who are not with me during this. I do help a vulnerable neighbour, although I don't boast about it on Facebook, which appears to have become a 'thing'. I wish I could still go to work and be productive and contribute to my community and too society at large during this.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 31/03/2020 09:06

The ones that really get me at oh cherishing the time with the family make the most of it, nope working unpaid overtime and have no childcare at all, we're both exhausted

SleepWithTheFishes · 31/03/2020 09:11

Everything is just pretty shitty for everyone right now...

That's the truth and any attempt to seriously try and work out who has it better or worse is going to come a cropper sooner or later.

It is shit and it is shit for everyone in different ways. Compassion for all is what's needed.

Dizzygirl00 · 31/03/2020 09:14

Agree with you! I had a customer telling me how hard it’s been for him working from home the last 3 weeks, while my colleagues and I have to come in to get abuse and put at risk from customers that don’t observe the social distancing and want to buy non essential items. Get in get your food shopping and get out 😔 not sure how long I can keep going to be honest 😔

nowaitaminute · 31/03/2020 09:17

@ both myself and my dh are home on full pay. Neither of us can work from home 🤷‍♀️ it can happen.

Florabella · 31/03/2020 09:17

I can understand you may feel frustrated, but not everyone is sitting home while they collect either full or 80% salary. I have lost my business completely , my partner has lost his business for at least 6 months and we are one of the families that have fallen through the cracks in all the government support schemes. The maximum we will have to live on as a family of 5 is £700 a month. So I would give anything to be in a secure job right now

HannaYeah · 31/03/2020 09:19

It’s annoying to be told “you’re lucky” about anything. I hate anyone comparing my situation to theirs. It just feels terrible to be on the receiving end of that.

But poor conversationalists aren’t going to stop saying stupid things.

I’d try to reframe it mentally as if they were saying “I wish I was able to go out.” Or “I really wish I had work to do, I’m terrible at entertaining myself”. Instead of comparing their current state of being to your own. It’s easier to continue the conversation when statement like that are made instead of blanket, ignorant envy.

BlindAssassin1 · 31/03/2020 09:20

YANBU OP, I'm still working (supermarket). The last few weeks we've been cussed to high heaven for not allowing customers to panic buy eleventybillion toilet rolls and all the bloody pasta, we've had to find our own PPE, my holiday request for a half day off was declined, a customer had a loud chat with a mate about how he's getting the full self-employed entitlement so he can get on with some DIY......

OTOH our food bank box is full, lots of customers are saying sincere thanks to us, and someone brought us in a box of disposable gloves. There are some genuine acts of kindness around now, not just virtue signalling either.

Lynda07 · 31/03/2020 09:23

You're not unreasonable, I'm sure that would annoy me but try to think of as people making an attempt to be positive at a difficult time.

I honestly think that sometimes it's better to say nothing but just smile and nod :-).

Ledkr · 31/03/2020 09:30

I feel very grateful to be able to WAH and in total awe of all of you who are still going to work.
My dh did a night shift last night (police) with no PPE and is currently sleeping in the spare room to reduce risk to us. When he left last night I thought how scary it all is and how I wished he could just stay here with us and be safe.

PepePig · 31/03/2020 09:32

I agree, it's rife here. People love complaining but simply don't want to risk themselves or get off their arse and do something about it.

Hope you and your partner are doing okay. Keep safe.

itgetsthehoseagain · 31/03/2020 09:40

YANBU. I'm at home and financially ok for another month, and I feel really fortunate. I wouldn't dream of looking for some woe in my life just to compete with those who are genuinely struggling.

woodlandwalker · 31/03/2020 09:44

I feel very privileged and relieved that I am on a pension and don't have to worry about losing my job or income though still worry about my family. NHS and other key workers are amazing in this crisis.

Pineappletree33 · 31/03/2020 09:52

Yabu. I’d rather be working than not.
I’m self employed and I rent space. I’m not earning anything now and still have to pay my rent so I’m quite quickly getting in debt to make ends meet.

Fruitsaladjelly · 31/03/2020 09:54

I’m a key worker, I feel lucky to be able to have purpose during all this. People need to change their mindset. They aren’t in lockdown to avoid catching corona, they are in lockdown to avoid catching it yet. They are being held in an infection waiting room. If we ever want to live normally most of us need to get this over the next few weeks.

tabulahrasa · 31/03/2020 10:07

“If we ever want to live normally most of us need to get this over the next few weeks.”

Well no - what we’re doing is trying to avoid catching it all at once to make sure the NHS can cope...

Because if it can’t lots of people will die who wouldn’t do if we controlled it...

TheScottishPlay · 31/03/2020 10:07

I'm frontline too. The Les Mis family on BBC Breakfast summed it up for me. Cheering up the nation. Horrendous. Obviously spend every second practising too. The lack of self awareness of some is mind boggling.

EL8888 · 31/03/2020 10:11

OP you aren’t unreasonable. The problem is l think some people love to play the martyr and think / say everyone has it “easier”. These are trying times for everyone

@Daisy12Maisie surely they are getting a holiday from rent (even though l know that doesn’t help you right now). It all has to paid further on down the line by them? Like if l had a mortgage holiday, Nationwide would just ask me for the outstanding money further on down the line

MrsJBaptiste · 31/03/2020 11:17

@MintyMabel

This is so true. I'm stuck in for 12 weeks and DH is saying that he's 'only' going out for a walk or 'only' popping to the supermarket. It doesn't sound much but being stuck in the house and only venturing as far as your garden is awful. I'm used to going to work, the gym, seeing friends for coffee, going to the pub, popping to the shops... I honestly didn't realise how much I took for granted until a couple of weeks away.

MintyMabel · 31/03/2020 12:14

It doesn't sound much but being stuck in the house and only venturing as far as your garden is awful.

I’m sure you’d accept that having a garden makes it a better situation for you than those who don’t have one. It’s not rocket science and must be irritating that your DH doesn’t get it.

I’m happier with my situation than if I had to continually face a risk every day. But it would annoy me if people who are out and about thought they knew what it was like not to be.

Ariela · 31/03/2020 13:10

We are both working, DH has a very key job (power related, often in hospitals), but I can see both sides of the coin. It is VERY different to anything we've experienced before (even WW2 says the 94 year old I shop for). I think we need to count our blessings and stay in to save people.
Sadly(and I know I'm not alone in saying this) I know someone whose 100 year old grandad has died after being infected and whose mum is now intensive care on a ventilator, and they're very worried.

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