to consider dd being a 'latch-key kid' at the age of 7?

[Rhubarb]

Here is the problem.

dd finishes school at 3.35, same time as I finish work. I have to pick up ds and get back here, latest I arrive here is 4.30, but it's usually more like 4.15.

At the moment we are paying £10 per session for dd to attend after school club including her tea.

She has her tea at 4pm, which I feel is too early. She misses out on her meal with the rest of us. The £10 is a flat rate until 6pm but obviously she doesn't stay until then.

I feel ripped off paying £10 for my dd to be looked after for 45mins, especially if I tell them not to feed her as I want her to eat with us.

The days I am stuck for care for dd are Mondays and Tuesdays, the other days are taken care of with after school activities, which run until 4.30pm and are free.

We are considering, just considering, the possibility of giving her a key. Opinions?

I think that, if someone else had posed the question, you would crucify them Rhubarb.

"I have those children to care for"
No Rhubarb, you have your own child to care of first. Did you not know this when you accepted the job? Not think about all of this?

is that not a bit harsh? Rhubarb is not known for 'crucifying' people anyway.

When you accept jobs you don't always think about the long term implications, plus the fact support networks change.

I think that post was uncalled for..

could she have a music lesson at home on the Monday?

I wasn't accusing you !

I was just answering my original comment about there being a legal limit.

I wouldn't want my 7 year old on their own - they might be mature but can still get frightened.

If you can't find another solution - eg childminder or another parent then I guess you have to continue with the nursery as you are - even though it seems you are paying over teh odds.

Who looks after your other child ? Any chance of them having her too ?

Getting the work/family balance right is a nightmare - and just when you think you have it sussed something changes.

So in my opinion - not unreasonable to consider it - but probably not something to go with at the moment.

another thought - have you spoken to your school where you work - any chance of swapping round your work times so that you are home on those afternoons ?

I think asking the elderly couple might be the best idea? You could pay them probably half what you pay the school and if they are on pensions it would help them out?

I used to live round the corner from my 1st school and used to walk back home on my own at the age of 7/8 if my mum wasn't home then i used to sit on the door step. (i might have had a key buut i probably lost it)

My dd1 is 8 now and i have never left her on her own she's very sensible and have to admit in your position i may be tempted to let her have a key but it would be the thing about someone clocking she was on her own those days for that length of time (i know not long but long enough) and that would stop me from doing it.

zandl, no I wouldn't and you don't know me.
I care for children with special needs. When you take on a job like that you don't know your timetable until the beginning of the month. I knew I would be working 20 hours but I didn't know how those hours would be spread out.

Last year dd's school had lots of after school activities, this year they've cut down on them.

And once again, I reiterate that I only asked the question, I did not state that I would take this action and earlier down I stated that we had now decided not to. Considering the answers given and the pros and cons, I'm going to try and find someone else to have her for one of the days, at least until there is a space for her in the baking club. So she'll only be there on Mondays.

Thanks to all those who replied.

I never had such a popular thread!

One of the few AIBU threads I've ever seen where the OP hadn't already made up their mind!

I think 7 is too young, no matter how sensible the 7 year old in question.

Here are a few options:

1. Revolving arrangment with a few friends i.e. contact four of her friends mothers. Explain the situation and ask if it would be possible for your DD to go to their house once every second week for 45 minutes as a standing arrangment. This is perhaps a lot to ask for, I know you are new to town.

2. Arrange another type of afterschool activity for the days in question. You would be spending money on something she would gain value from. Downside is, that in my opinion, 7 is very young to be having such a long day 5 days a week.

3. Local childminder.

4. Downscale to one day a week at the afterschool club. I fully understand you want to eat together, but if it was just once a week on a Monday, it wouldn't be so bad (after the weekend and all?). You could combine this option with a standing arrangment with a few friends?

HTH

I'm actually a very reasonable person and open to suggestions!

And I find myself agreeing with you more and more F&Z, what is that all about?

Sorry on option four I meant that she would stay until six once a week at the afterschool club and on the other day, she could go to a friend(s) as a standing arrangement?

I really would dejags, if her friends lived close by. But she doesn't have "friends" as such and might not want to go to their house once a week.

It's such a huge thing to arrange isn't it? I have talked briefly to other mums of my dilemma but none of them have come forward to help.

And you wonder about asking other parents anyway, I mean I don't "know" them, so what makes them trustworthy? That sounds crass, but for a regular arrangement I'd want to know that I could trust them.

Just discovered too that the nursery have overcharged us 3 days. This is the trouble with setting up a direct debit with them, they are always getting their bills wrong.

Hijack: how was your dad's birthday Rhubarb? Has it been yet?

(As a pedant, I will have to murder myself for that last sentence.)

I think that you have definately made the right decision Rhubarb. I remember coming home from school on my own once and finding that our house had been burgled. I wasn't much older than your dd. It wasn't a nice experience.

Rhubarb I don't know, I think as the breadth of opinion on MN gets wider (that's putting it nicely) perhaps the smaller differences between us become of less importance?

or, it is a temporary blip, and we will be at each other's throats again next week

How long have you been there Rhubarb? Just concerned that she is not making friends, sounds a bit miserable for her anyway.

Would it be an option if she is not happy to move her to a school nearer where you work where she might be happier and problem of childcare might also be negated too?

rhubarb, have you thought of registering as a CM and taking only after schools, you can take up to ten but nly 6 could be under 8, and then out do the afterschool club ?

Ooh let's hope so F&Z!

Trolley, it was pretty awful and I felt so so sorry for my dad. It must have made him realise just how many people didn't care for him. None of my brothers turned up, my eldest sister moaned about everything and you had to wonder why she was there, dad's wife was running around trying to do everything for everyone, she even got party bags together for the kids! Yet my sister couldn't even say thank you for that. I think my dad knew that myself and my other sister were not enjoying it much, however much we tried, we were too angry and let down by other family members. It's just torn the family apart even more, which is the opposite of what he wanted.

Oh God, sorry to hear that Rhubarb.

In time, he might see the bigger picture: that some of you did go all the way to see him. Bless his wife for all the running around though.

I have one day when I have to be at a school at 8.30 and ds's kindy doesn't start until 8.45. I asked around the local mum's and found one that would have him for 45 minutes. We have never discussed money, but as she hasn't needed any recriprocal care I have bought her lots of petrol vouchers as a surprise.

There must be other parents at the school who know what a rip of the after school care is, and would appreciate the odd voucher in return for having your dd around for a playdate.

I find 7 hard to fathom - but that's because the law here is 14!

Rhubarb - just skim read the thread.

Do you work part time? Kind of get the idea you might from just monday and tuesday being an issue...

Do dd have any close friends whose mum might take her to their house for an hour and you could return the favour later inthe week/on a weekend?

shoshable, nah mate. Can't stand young kids! I really like my job atm, don't think I'm cut out to be a cm though. There is a need for one round here, but that person ain't me I'm afraid.

I understand totally why you are a bit reluctant to try and sort out a regular thing with another mum. Even if your dd DID have very close schoolfriends i think its a big ask for someone to agree to something as regular as the same day every week - week in week out. (Even if it is for a short time.)

The whole juggling thing is a nightmare and I purposefully dont let myself think of the 'what if' DH and i both stuck in a meeting somewhere miles away - school calls - one of boys ill etc. And I spend large portions of each week praying in my car for the traffic to clear.

Well thanks again for all your sympathies. But as I've said, I will not now be considering this idea further. So you may all sleep soundly in your beds in the knowledge that my 7yo dd will never be subjected to a home alone scenario.