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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider dd being a 'latch-key kid' at the age of 7?

301 replies

Rhubarb · 11/09/2007 17:16

Here is the problem.

dd finishes school at 3.35, same time as I finish work. I have to pick up ds and get back here, latest I arrive here is 4.30, but it's usually more like 4.15.

At the moment we are paying £10 per session for dd to attend after school club including her tea.

She has her tea at 4pm, which I feel is too early. She misses out on her meal with the rest of us. The £10 is a flat rate until 6pm but obviously she doesn't stay until then.

I feel ripped off paying £10 for my dd to be looked after for 45mins, especially if I tell them not to feed her as I want her to eat with us.

The days I am stuck for care for dd are Mondays and Tuesdays, the other days are taken care of with after school activities, which run until 4.30pm and are free.

We are considering, just considering, the possibility of giving her a key. Opinions?

OP posts:
Original poster
Rhubarb · 11/09/2007 17:32

No, dh's job not flexible, he's a digger driver out on locations.

OP posts:
pyjamagirl · 11/09/2007 17:33

TBH it's too young I think also you will end up worrying yourself silly about the fact that she is in the house alone .

OrmIrian · 11/09/2007 17:33

Would you consider getting her a mobile so that you could call her to make sure she's OK and vice versa? What does she think? If she's at all nervous about it then no. But if she's fine with it, maybe I'd give it a go perhaps once or twice to see how it went. Make sure she can lock the door once she's inside, knows what to do in case of emergency (fire for eg), never lets anyone in the house. Is there another child she could walk home with?

What could happen? I don't know really. I guess it's just a gut reaction. My eldest couldn't have done this at that age but he's a bit of a numpty, bless him

charliecat · 11/09/2007 17:34

When my mum left me on my own I used to cook toast and use the grill etc even though Isaid I wouldnt. The amount of teatowels I scorched, burnt pots black, kettles switched on and forgot about with out the whistle on. Serious risk to myself...

Getyourownjuice · 11/09/2007 17:36

I dont think its worth the risk, she may be a very sensible 7yo but when she is on her own in the house, feeling all grown up you dont know what she may do.

She could fall down the stairs, or anything.

I wouldnt do it, if I couldnt organise proper care for her then I would have to rethink my work committments.

Blandmum · 11/09/2007 17:37

How easy amd safe would it be for her to go from school to home?

How sensible is she? (dd might have been able to manage, my ds who is 7 atm, would be a complete nightmare)

Is she good at not losing things? My dd, although resonable, couldn't be trusted with a key at the age of 10 (actually i'm not sure that I can at the age of 45, but that is a different thread)

I wouldn't have done it with either of my two at that age, but you are her mum and know her best. Could you get a local teenager to be a 'mothers help? or do the school times not work out? A granny in the area that you could bribe with a few bottles of sherry???

Twiglett · 11/09/2007 17:37

I think if childminder can't do it you should put an ad in the local shop, library or newspaper asking for a responsible teenager (16+) or other mother to do babysitting after school on those days

maybe there would be another child in her class who could you swap care with / or pay her parent to watch?

I would certainly say that 7 is far too young to be a latch-key kid

SueW · 11/09/2007 17:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

Original poster
Rhubarb · 11/09/2007 17:38

Well every child is different but dd is a very nervy child and ever since I set the chip pan on fire she is forever thinking that I'm going to burn down the kitchen and even checks on me!

We have a smoke alarm.

She knows how to dial 999.

The school is 30 seconds away, she doesn't need to walk with anyone, but I can ask a mum to make sure she gets in the front door. I'm sure that wouldn't be a problem at all. So if I know that she's managed to get in the house ok, with a mum watching, and no-one else has gone in with her..... well what then? Would that be ok?

OP posts:
Original poster
Rhubarb · 11/09/2007 17:39

This is a village with no shop, there is a pub, that's all. It's a rural village. That's why getting local people to do anything is such a bind.

OP posts:
dilbertina · 11/09/2007 17:39

Could the afterschool club offer any flexibility? ie pay half for the short session and no tea - might be worth a try

Getyourownjuice · 11/09/2007 17:40

A smoke alarm wont dial 999 will it.

If she is as you say a sensible but nervy child, I think its unfair on her

Blandmum · 11/09/2007 17:40

Not ducking the question, yo know her best and will have a reasonable idea of how safe she would be and how confident to be left.

I wouldn't have done it with mine at that age, but that is my kids and not yours.

In the end, you know the situation best.

Could you not find a granny in a church 'do' or summat to help bail you out? they might rather like to help?

HuwEdwards · 11/09/2007 17:41

Rhubarb, if I had to, I reckon I could let my older DD do this and I think she would be ok with it.

The issue is, your peace of mind - and this is why I wouldn't consider it. How happy about doing it would you be?

OrmIrian · 11/09/2007 17:41

In that case, I would say that it would probably be OK. It would be the journey from school to home that would worry me. Once she's home I'd say that the likelihood of anything happening would be very very small. But you know your child better than anyone.

At the risk of repeating myself would she be happy with this arrangment?

SueW · 11/09/2007 17:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

VagusPabo · 11/09/2007 17:41

I was a latch-key kid, which makes me sound about 50....

I think you'll have to bite the bullet and cough up for the after school club, certainly until a better option presents itself. You might find aaother option in time.

Worth seeing if the after school club will negotiate, I reckon.

pointydog · 11/09/2007 17:42

I think 7 is too young.

I realise she wouldn't be in any more 'danger' than a 12 year old in teh same situation (and very poss less) but I think age does matter and 7 is too young.

Getyourownjuice · 11/09/2007 17:43

You could advertise for a surrogate granny type of thing - seen tat before. Helps you out and will give them companionship. Everyones a winner

Sorry if i sounded offy, but I remember the things me and my brother used to do when we were alone at 10yo.

The shed...the meths...the jeans...the matches.

pointydog · 11/09/2007 17:44

(agree, it is very annoying when after school clubs do not allow parents to pay for hours used only)

MrsMarvel · 11/09/2007 17:44

YABU not to let your daughter eat with everyone else at 4pm.

YABU not to consider the fact that they would need to hire a member of staff for your child to be there regardless how long she stays so £10 is unavoidable.

Latchkey? Don't worry about whether we think you're being unreasonable, worry about whether your dd thinks you're being unreasonable. It's up to you.

Another option could be to change your work hours.

Sorry if I sound terse, I don't mean it but can't be bothered to re-write!!!

Blandmum · 11/09/2007 17:48

Rhubarb is working in a school MrsM, and I don't think she can change her hours (correct me If I'm wrong)

curiouscat · 11/09/2007 17:53

Hi, just to say I agree with others 7 is too young. I'd never let mine do it.

Really really sympathise with your dilemma tho, it's really frustrating that work hours don't mesh with school ones. One of the many unfair things that make working life hard for parents

Very expensive to sort out too but surely £10 is worth it for peace of mind.

Reallytired · 11/09/2007 17:54

"Another option could be to change your work hours. Rhubarb's working hours are more child friendly than most woman's

Sorry if I sound terse, I don't mean it but can't be bothered to re-write!!! "

Not everyone has the option of changing their work hours. Its called the working world. The alternative is sitting on your bum claiming benefits.

Very few jobs allow you to turn up when you please. I work in a school and I am not allowed to go home earlier than 4 pm without the head teacher's permisssion.

Does the school run any after school clubs other than childcare?

Or maybe you could come to a private arrangemnt with a friend. A childminder does not have to be OFSTED registered unless they are looking after a child who is under 8 for more than 2 hours.

You have my sympathies. After school care is a rip off.

Getyourownjuice · 11/09/2007 17:56

If its going to be an ongoing issue then there are only a few options really

Rethink work committments, maybe officially reduce your hours or look for employment elsewhere which fits better

or

Find a local person, old or teenage etc that can be trusted and your DD gets on with

or

Stump up for the school club.

or

Give her the key, this seems to be your favoured option so give it a go.

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