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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to consider dd being a 'latch-key kid' at the age of 7?

301 replies

Rhubarb · 11/09/2007 17:16

Here is the problem.

dd finishes school at 3.35, same time as I finish work. I have to pick up ds and get back here, latest I arrive here is 4.30, but it's usually more like 4.15.

At the moment we are paying £10 per session for dd to attend after school club including her tea.

She has her tea at 4pm, which I feel is too early. She misses out on her meal with the rest of us. The £10 is a flat rate until 6pm but obviously she doesn't stay until then.

I feel ripped off paying £10 for my dd to be looked after for 45mins, especially if I tell them not to feed her as I want her to eat with us.

The days I am stuck for care for dd are Mondays and Tuesdays, the other days are taken care of with after school activities, which run until 4.30pm and are free.

We are considering, just considering, the possibility of giving her a key. Opinions?

OP posts:

Original poster

Rhubarb · 11/09/2007 18:41

I've looked at registered childminders, the only ones I found where in the next town, 7 miles from us and where I currently work.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 11/09/2007 18:43

Is there any chance you could ask an older child who walks home on their own to stay with her for the half an hour? And maybe pay them £5 a week?
(With their parents' permission of course )

Original poster

Rhubarb · 11/09/2007 18:43

And once more, I cannot at all, never ever, change my hours as I am a learning support assistant at a school. I finish when the school does. There can not be any flexibility at all about the hours I work. I have those children to care for.

OP posts:

Wisteria · 11/09/2007 18:44

Some may well do a school run though Rhubarb. Is there no flexibility at work?

StealthPolarBear · 11/09/2007 18:44

I know you said you'd trust a teenager less but even so...

Wisteria · 11/09/2007 18:44

Sorry xpost

Original poster

Rhubarb · 11/09/2007 18:44

Stealth - I don't know how I could do that. The school only goes up to Year 6 and I would trust my dd more than an 11yo anyday.

OP posts:

throckenholt · 11/09/2007 18:45

do any of the staff live in the village ? Could she go/stay with one of them ?

A quick google answers my thought about age limits : there is no legal limit

Q: What is the legal age when I can leave my children home alone?

A: There is no legal age when a child can be left home alone and it is down to the parent/guardian/carer to make that decision.

Common sense would suggest that the child would have to be of an age where they could look after themselves and that it would not be appropriate to leave a young child for long periods of time or during the night.

Bear in mind that endangering a child by leaving them unattended is an offence. NSPCC guidelines recommend most children under 13 should not be left unsupervised for long.

StealthPolarBear · 11/09/2007 18:47

right so not even a teenager - and in fact you'd then be responsible for both of them!
bad idea, sorry

Original poster

Rhubarb · 11/09/2007 18:50

throcken, no staff in the village either. This is very much an 'old' village in that most of the people here have lived here forever and ever.

There are a couple of people, well actually one, who has a young child of nursery age. But she works too.

I am aware of the NSPCC's policy and what I am suggesting, leaving her unattended for 45mins, is not illegal. However that was not my question. I was asking if I was being unreasonable to even consider it.

Reading the posts on here, talking to dh and dd, I am of the opinion now that I shall have to make time to talk to some parents, talk to the school, etc.

OP posts:

chopster · 11/09/2007 18:52

The general age when a child can be reasonably left alone for a short time is considered to be 10. You could get into trouble for leaving a 7 year old alone.

That aside, I think it is unreasonable. She is 7, fgs, I have a 7 year old and no way would I trust her to walk home and stay at home alone on a regular basis. She is still at the age where she might suddenly decide to do something unpredictable and dangerous. I'd either ask around and pay a friend to have her for 45 mins , or pay the £10 but get my moneys worth and pick her later.

StealthPolarBear · 11/09/2007 18:53

don't blame you for wanting to eat as a family
Hope you can get something organised

Original poster

Rhubarb · 11/09/2007 18:55

Thanks stealth.

chopster, if you read the thread you would see that I have practically explored every option. And this was a question, just a thought, not something I was stating. So go easy with the fgs huh?

OP posts:

Wisteria · 11/09/2007 18:56

You can't actually get into trouble for leaving a child alone unless something actually happens to that child therefore rendering it 'unsafe', it's a loophole in the law.

Original poster

Rhubarb · 11/09/2007 18:57

Besides, I don't want to pick her up later. I want her to have tea with us, as a family. I want to be here to do her homework with her and play with her. I don't want her there until 6pm just to get my money's worth. I don't want her eating a school dinner and then a nursery tea. If I'm here for 4.30pm then I want dd to be here too.

It's bad enough that I don't see her all day whilst she's at school, I don't want to extend that time. If I did I'd work full time and this wouldn't be an issue.

OP posts:

kizzie · 11/09/2007 18:58

Ive just read back through the thread (very interested because so much of it rings true with me). With the restrictions of where you live and the timings of your job I honestly dont think you have any option (for the next couple of years at least)but to pay for the after school club - as annoying as that is.

I think you might just have to be grateful that 3 nights a week is free and swallow the £20.

I have huge sympathy though - its is a nightmare to sort out.

Getyourownjuice · 11/09/2007 18:59

Its hard to do that 'all eat as a family, quality time , together'' stuff and work practically full time.

Hope you get something sorted, if I went to same school i would help you out!

Original poster

Rhubarb · 11/09/2007 19:02

Thank you!

It is annoying, I work part time school hours exactly so that I can spend time with the children. It annoys me that the nursery have this monopoly over the local area and refuse to be flexible with anyone. You'd think that if she was only there for 45mins and didn't have the meal we could come to an arrangement, but obviously not.

However, I am going to ask around and be brave in asking strangers for favours.

OP posts:

Wisteria · 11/09/2007 19:04

Agree with Kizzie and sympathise with you 100%, it was a nightmare for me to sort and I was very lucky with work at the time.
The tea thing at the afterschool club is very annoying for you (they are all the same I think too). I agree that you want to eat together, it is a fundamental part of the day for you as a family.

I would explain to the school club not to worry about her eating as she eats with you and persuade dd not to eat too much there so she still has an appetite for your delicious food at home.

I still maintain that all dcs are different and mature at different times, I was cooking roast dinners at 10, quite safely. You alone know if your dd can cope and I hope all works well for you whatever you decide to do.

FrannyandZooey · 11/09/2007 19:04

I think it might be slightly too young, I am not sure

if you feel it's ok and she feels happy then I would probably do it

7 is on the young side, but it isn't entirely unreasonable I don't think, as long as she is confident about it

chopster · 11/09/2007 19:08

I'm sorry, I could have been more sympathetic. I jsut can't imagine leaving my dd to walk home, but then she isn't particulary mature. I also wouldn't take any risks, after being involved with ss, so that slants my opinion.

Good luck asking friends - I would do it, since for the sake of 45mins, that no time at all really. I'd try to get a couple of people, then it's only once a week each, then you could even return the favour and pick their kids, when you are home early (esp if you choose mums who don't have other kids to go up the school for).

HonoriaGlossop · 11/09/2007 19:10

I agree 7 is too young. She could probably cope with the ordinary routine day but it's when the unexpected happens that she'd be so vulnerable.

it's a horrible position for you to be in, and £10 is a hell of a lot for 45 minutes, however if something happened to her at home just think how you'd feel knowing it was because you were trying to save money

Don't feel ripped off. Think of it as £10 for keeping her safe - that's priceless anyway isn't it, so it's a small price to pay.

Mercy · 11/09/2007 19:11

Rhubarb, if you lived anywhere near me I'd help you too! (have done it for others) Good luck, I hope you can resolve the situation. I'll probably be in the same boat in a year's time.

How old is ds btw?

Original poster

Rhubarb · 11/09/2007 19:14

I couldn't return the favour unfortunately. I'm never at home early enough to return the favour. Also none of the mums are "friends", we've had problems being accepted here, dd has not made any firm friends and neither of us have made any.

There is no easy solution. But I would never compromise her safety. She would never walk home alone, there is a mum who parks outside our house and I'm sure she could make sure dd gets inside the house ok.

But now I've decided not to do it anyway.

OP posts:

Original poster

Rhubarb · 11/09/2007 19:15

ds is 3.5 Mercy.

OP posts:

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