to consider dd being a 'latch-key kid' at the age of 7?

[Rhubarb]

Here is the problem.

dd finishes school at 3.35, same time as I finish work. I have to pick up ds and get back here, latest I arrive here is 4.30, but it's usually more like 4.15.

At the moment we are paying £10 per session for dd to attend after school club including her tea.

She has her tea at 4pm, which I feel is too early. She misses out on her meal with the rest of us. The £10 is a flat rate until 6pm but obviously she doesn't stay until then.

I feel ripped off paying £10 for my dd to be looked after for 45mins, especially if I tell them not to feed her as I want her to eat with us.

The days I am stuck for care for dd are Mondays and Tuesdays, the other days are taken care of with after school activities, which run until 4.30pm and are free.

We are considering, just considering, the possibility of giving her a key. Opinions?

or is there a uni nearby? in cardiff lots of my friends used to do school pick ups, stay with the child for half an hour and then go home. was an extra £20 a week for them for not having to do a fat lot.

Just grabbed a mum with a son in reception, she's offered to do Mondays for me. Going in to hers for talks now!

Bugger this!

What kind of selfish fuckers people are they anyway?

If I can help anyone, I do! I often have mum's from dd's class calling & asking if I can take their children for an hour until they get home! Often I can, but on the odd occasion that I can't, it is never held against me & the same parents have asked again knowing I wasn't snubbing them when I said No.

I find it sad that no-one is willing to help you in a small village. So much for the likes of "Emmerdale" & "corrie" where neighbours help other people!!!! I can't believe nobody wants to make a few extra pounds!

OOOOHHHH EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tut

I have just plowed through this to find that you have a solution, pah

but in answer to the OP - are you farkin mad? No, do not leave her, 7 far too young

x

i know an 8 year old who is left alone for 30 mins. how much different can a 7 and 8 year old be?

Well... I just left my almost 6yr old for 20mins whilst I was up in the shed packing spuds... am I an awful mother

I'll answer that myself thankyouverymuch...

I think asking the vicar to mention it (you will only have to go to church the once) and advertising in the local paper / newsagents are the way forward. Teenagers I can understand your concerns about but why not advertise specifically for any mothers/grandmothers wanting to earn a bit of pin-money in either their home or yours (depending on where they live?). There may not be a village shop in your village, but there will be one in the next village along. Or ask behind the bar at the nearest nice pub to your village if they know anyone as I guarantee they will know a dozen casual workers in the vicinity. If you then meet them and don;t like the look of them fine, you can just call them back saying that your DD has found an after-school place or something.

How did the meeting with mum of boy go Rhubarb?? All good????

I haven't read the whole of this thread it's very long so sorry if someone has already said this (and it won't help your predicament, it's just a comment to think about).

I often wonder why we see all these progs on tv/articles in mags/newspapers, showing people moving to the country for the sake of the kids and never think about practical arrangements like this one. Sure, you've got fields and trees and relatively clean air (away from the main road) and no hoodies and drunken yobs (but perhaps you do if you have a pub??). You are really lucky you have a school in the village and your dd can walk there. That's as far as convenience goes though. No shop? How on earth do you manage? What happens when dd's school has an inset and the one you work in doesn't?

No, not suggesting you move to the city (this may not be an option) but just pointing out to some who may be considering a move to the country that it may not be all its cracked up to be. Perhaps you'll disagree.

FWIW I would rather hold my nose and pay the money to the school just for a couple of years. 10 years old would be fine.

Hiya sorry I havent read all the other replies as there are so many. My daughter is 14 now but when she was about 7-8 I started letting her walk home from school with her friends and have a key and let herself in. She was on her own for about 15-30 minutes Mon-Fri, she absolutely loved this and there was never any problem. To be honest she enjoyed half hours peaceful tv time before I started nagging her to do her homework!!! When we were children we were left from a very early age and nothing ever happened to me. My mum was a single parent and had to work (she didnt want to go on benefits) and from the age of 5 I walked to school on my own. I think you know your own child, I think teaching independance is a good thing and my daugher is very self-sufficient now. Hope that helps you to make a decision. X

I haven't anything constructive to add - but you're getting loads of good suggestions here.

But I did want to ask what's the job Rhubarb? You mentioned secondary? And how's it going?

Good luck with the mum who can do mondays, rhubarb.

IME it is so difficult to ask for a regular commitment from other parents at school. I really feel for you as I have consistently had this problem. A one off is fine, but to ask someone to commit for more is really difficult - and then to work out how you will pay them or reciprocate with a favour. And IME if you ask, people often find ways of saying 'no'

Parents IME are not very perceptive about childcare problems such as this. At our primary school, (a small, village-like school on the outskirts of London) most parents either don't work at school pick up times or have family living nearby to collect their offspring. Most simply cannot get their heads round the idea that some parents who work full time just don't have an available grandparent/aunt etc who can step in with childcare.What's mroe, they have no idea of the harsh financial implicationgs of covering what can be just a 10 minute gap in your childcare arrangements. We have no family to help, never had, and we are in a minority.

For the last two years a lovely parent, who is now a friend, has been collecting my ds2 from school and dropping him at playclub. Luckily she lived round the corner from the playclub. I paid her a small wage for the commitment and 10 mins extra time a day. But her son has now left the school and so I had to find another way of getting ds2 to playclub 5 days a week. The school and church advertised for an escort (escorting up to 5 children from the school to the playclub). No one came forward.

I then got together with two other mothers (both close friends with each other) from school who have children at the playclub and suggested we try a rota system if all else failed, each collecting all the children on different days. I did this while putting pressure on the council to supply a playworker to escort the children.

Imagine my reaction when I phoned them during teh school holidays to be told in a casual way by one of them, that they had sorted out a rota system between the two of them! Leaving me in the lurch a week before term began.

This is why I decided to let my ds1 do the after school walk with ds2. It is not a perfect solution as it means ds1 cannot stay late at his secondary school, go to homework club or extra curricular activities. I very nearly had words with the two parents - who hadn't even the courtesy to let me know of their private arrangement till I phoned up and asked them!

Luckily I didn't, as two days ago one of the parents phoned me and asked me if I would like them to pick up my ds2, as they had space in their car. I think they had seem my ds1 collecting ds2 from school and (I hope) felt guilty.

Sorry about the rant, but after school playclub provision is a subject close to my heart at the moment.

anyway back to solutions for your problem, rhubarb, having got that off my chest.

I think squiffy has some good suggestions - and following on from that, could you advertise for help at any retired people's groups in your village or the WI, rotary club etc? Is your village big enough to have any of these types of clubs?

Dear Rhubarb,
I haven't read everything so this may repeat.
When I needed help for my daughter I found a retired speech therapist with time on her hands who collected her until I arrived. Don't rule out using elderly help. It could suit your daughter enormously to have an older person to talk to and some one with grandchildren far away could enjoy it. In Germany mothers put adverts in newspapers for 'oma's to look after their children, ie paid adopted grandmothers.
It sounds as if you will find someone in your village willing, especially if you put a notice in the church or church hall.
Good luck.

Well hello again, roisin I'm a Learning Support Assistant - it's going great, very exhausting though!

The mum agreed to have dd every Monday, which leaves Tuesdays and Fridays. But as dh pointed out, other mums are not always that reliable, what if their own children are off ill and the nursery is booked up?

Instead of relying on people I hardly know, who could let me down and leave me in a terrible dilemma, I'm going to speak to the nursery tomorrow and again ask if we can come to an arrangement. I need to sort out the bill anyway as she's overcharged me (always overcharging, never undercharging, one has to wonder ).

It is annoying and our village is particularly none-helpful. The neighbours all say hello and we take in each others bins and so on, but to actually form a friendship of anykind, well that's different. The mum who kindly offered to look after dd on Mondays lives in one of only 5 small council houses at the end of our cul de sac. She's not been in the village that long either.

I'll let you know what the nursery says.

Hello Rhubarb. No, seven is not too young to walk home for a schoolkid who lives just across the road from school and has to wait only 30-45 mins for her mother to come home. I can't believe some of the paranoia on this thread.
No child should be locked out of home. When I was a child I was, by my own choice, walking to and from school alone at the age of five --- as did almost all of my friends, who would have been ashamed to have their parents mollycoddling them. (This was in Sydney in the 1970s, a time no more or less dangerous than our own.) Unfortunately my parents refused to give me a doorkey, so from the age of five to nine I had to sit out on the doorstep waiting for one or other of them to get home ... and I had no food, no drink and nowhere to go to the toilet. At 10 I found a free council-run program and organised my own after-school care but at 13 I became too old for it, so it was back to the doorstep until finally one of the neighbours complained and shamed my parents into giving me a key.
So Rhubarb, while your concern for your daughter is admirable, I do think too many of the posters on this thread are overdoing the high-anxiety thing. Your daughter sounds a sensible kid. Give her a key and let her let herself in and relax, instead of being shunted among carers and made to feel that she's a nuisance. I'll be doing the same for my daughter when she starts school.

Well, if she can do Monday for you & then other parents see, they might be more inclined to help you out?

I have this morning got an email from my tutor for journalism saying our lectures are going to be from 9.15 to 12.15 so that suits me fine! I will be home for dd that day. It is only the 9.15 start that kinda annoys me... I have to be up to leave dd at my sisters house & take ds to the c/minder. But that's easier solved than after school care

I hope you can come to an arrangement with the nursery

Now I just have to hope that the psychology modules are time accomodating too

sorry haven't read the whole thread, but isn't it illegal to let a child stay at home on their own at 7?

i had a similar arangement for swimming lessons:

grandad would take dc to swimming lessons. i would pick up from swimming lessons when straight of work 5.30pm.

chance would have it i had a puncture one week and was two hours late picking her up! i got a real bollocking from the swimming teacher, dc was very upset and i felt really bad.

i had tried to ring, and ask grandpa to stay but he had already left the building!

i would suggest that dc walks home with a friend from school and i would pick her up from them. i don't think this could be a long term thing though, only in an emergency.

is it the money that is bothering you? or the fact that she is having a different schedule to the one you'd like?

I think you are doing the right thing in approaching the after school club to see if you can come to an arrangement. I so agree that you cannot regularly rely on the goodwill of other parents. As you say, children do get ill, things do happen.

I think before you talk to the nursery, you should give Ofsted a ring and your council's childcare team. Explain your problem with the high and inflexible charges and ask if the nursery is within its rights to charge this. They have a monopoly of the service. Is there an appeal or compliants procedure you can follow?

If there is, it is useful to know this when you talk to the nursery. Not that you may want to mention it, but if you say you have been in contact with ofsted and the council, it may add weight to your request.

I suppose the school club's argument is that your dd is taking up a place, whether she stays for 10 minutes or 2 hours. But is there a waiting list? Is the club oversubscribed? If not, this argument is weaker. And as I said earlier, once your dd is 8 years old, she passes an important age limit. I don't know the details, but I know fewer playworkers are needed to look after children 8 years old and above.

Good luck. BTW, I am not someone who would 100% rule out the walking back alone from school and being alone at home scenario, but I think you need investigate all other options first.

Also, I think you should find if possible another mother who can back up the monday mother for the odd emergency - just someone who you can swap phone numbers with, who may be able to do the occasional last minute pick up and drop off. This is a much easier favour to ask another parent IME.

Casbie, the point is that Rhubarb doesn't have any friends in this village. She has said it is a small village where there is not even a shop.. just a pub.

Alas, tmmj there are no childminders either

Rhubarb doesn't want to have to pay £10 for 45 minutes. Neither would I actually. It's not fair & it's greedy, but because the after school club has the monopoly of being the only childcare facilitator in the area they can get away with it!

no way would i leave a child of seven with a door key.wouldent waant them walking home on their own at that age.
it doesnt matter how sensible they are there are so many things that could happen.
i appriciate £10 a session is alot,but if you vant find a friend to help out,or reorganise your work,then i would consider £10 fairly spent on your daughters safety.

She has already said, miles down the thread, she is not going to go down that road