to consider dd being a 'latch-key kid' at the age of 7?

[Rhubarb]

Here is the problem.

dd finishes school at 3.35, same time as I finish work. I have to pick up ds and get back here, latest I arrive here is 4.30, but it's usually more like 4.15.

At the moment we are paying £10 per session for dd to attend after school club including her tea.

She has her tea at 4pm, which I feel is too early. She misses out on her meal with the rest of us. The £10 is a flat rate until 6pm but obviously she doesn't stay until then.

I feel ripped off paying £10 for my dd to be looked after for 45mins, especially if I tell them not to feed her as I want her to eat with us.

The days I am stuck for care for dd are Mondays and Tuesdays, the other days are taken care of with after school activities, which run until 4.30pm and are free.

We are considering, just considering, the possibility of giving her a key. Opinions?

ljkk - I am determined to give ds the freedom that I had when I was young. I am fortunate that my dh supports me in this - and that the other few mums with kids of simialr ages who are neighbours have simialr views. I have even asked my dad to let me know if he spots any symptoms of paranoid parenting.

YABVU - its not the question of whether or not you can trust your daughter, its other people I would be worried about. Someone could watch her movements and notice that she is home alone on those days etc. etc., not worth thinking about/risking IMO.

How about spending your money on a cleaner who could do 2 short sessions in the afternoons for you on Mon and Tues.

That is what my mum did when I was a child. 'Betty' was there when we go home till mum came in.

Money better spent and you get the benefit.

That's cool, P'bird. How far does he walk and what are the hazard points (tricky crossings)?

I said in Rhubarb's situation I'd let the DD latchkey from 8yo the age when I was first left alone at home. My own DS is going to start walking to/from school alone when he's 8 I can hardly wait, one less DC to chivvy along! He may end up alone at home on his own for 10-20 minutes some days (me still walking home with others). I already let DS do part of the journey on his own, sometimes. Which still puts me in a tiny risk-taking minority on this thread, I think! The disapproval of other local parents has partly made me reluctant to let him walk on his own, any younger.

The only family we are truly friends with locally are a bit more relaxed about risks than we are. I wouldn't take some of the risks they do, but it's just SO REFRESHING to find a family who are less uptight than we are (and we obviously are less risk-averse than most).

One tip I heard about being home alone when young: make sure they don't tell strangers (either at door or on phone) that they are alone.

I d0ont think it is unreasonable and I think it depends on the child. I leave my boys 8 and 6 in our flat when I take the dog out for a wee last thing at night and my 6 year old insists on staying behind when I pick my eldest up from scouts at 8pm. It takes me about 10 mins. He is usually in his PJ's curled up watching TV with the dog. He knows not to answer the door, what to do in a fire and to get a neighbour in an emergancy. He actually likes the idea of staying on his own although I wouldnt leave him longer than 10-15 minutes on his own. I will happily leave them both to pop to the corner shop and will send them off to buy stuff on their own when the opportunity arises and i feel it is safe. Last summer my 8 year old went off to the shops at the beach to buy a body board. Although I do worry sometimes. I make a real effort to give them opportunities to not be supervised all the time. I am usually much more worried about traffic than strangers (ducks and runs)

only read half thread so sorry if repeating - I was a 'latch key' kid at 7 and my brother was 6 - my mum was a teacher and we'd walk 20 mins home together and watch telly for about 45 mins-hour before my mum got home. It was never a problem and we enjoyed it but we had each other for support/company. This was pretty much every week night as he was in infants and we couldn't do same after school clubs (btw this was 20 yrs ago... not sure how things have changed now) my ds hasn't started school but I was assuming we'd do something similar when I felt he was ready - only you know your child, what she is capable of and how safe you think she'll be - go with your instincts

alternative is is there another parent you could ask to help - maybe you could come to a financial arrangement with them? or just return the favour whenever you could?

it's about a 10-15 minute walk (10 minutes for adults, 15 minutes for ds! ). He has to corss one wide, straight quiet road, which is technically a 20s Plenty, but there are occasinally boy racers on it, one busier crossroads, where there is a Lollipop Man, but as ds goes to breakfast club, he is not alawys there then, another two quiet roads and then a wee dead-end parking bit. We've told him (and the Lollipop man) not to cross the busier road diagonally (ie to stay on the "home" side of the road and only cross it at the wee dead-end bit, as one of the quieter roads he then crosses, is, on the other side, a bit more dangerous, as cars use it as a cut through and ds then has to remember to look behind him as well to chekc there isn't someone turning in. He obviously has to do that on the other side as well, but the cars don't use that side as a cut through.

He is already starting to ask when he can start walkinh home from the out of school club on his own - which would involve crossing the busy road without a lollipop man. To be fair, he is saying "when he is in P4, no P5....". (he's only just started P3)

We have left him on his own very occasionally already, for example, if dh needs to pick me up from work - about half an hour, in front of the TV, with strict instructions not to answer the door.

In Answer to the OP IMO too young too. Liking Mears' 'Betty' suggestion, might work particularly if there are a lot of old bids in the neighbourhood.

Prettybird: do you check up, in anyway, to make sure he's arrived at school (breakfast club) okay? Does he have a strict time limit on how long to take coming home, before you'd go searching? I have to walk others to school, anyway, so I can easily enough check on my DS each way.

My DS will walk on a few hundred yards of quiet lane without pavement. Then a quiet road to X, then a somewhat busy road to X (can adjust where he crosses to make it safer). Then a quiet road to X, then the road to the school gate to X -- which can be very quiet if early or frantic with school run if he's running late, depending how close to the gate he crosses

Yeah - too young i think.

We've only doen it three days (his birthday was Monday). On MOnday, dh and I (I had taken a day's holiday) both followed him on our bikes, taking sliughtly different routes and keeping out of his sight. He didn't know we were following him - although we told him that night). I watched him run in to the school grounds.

Yesterday and today, dh has shadowed him on his bike - much to ds' disgust. Now that he has the taste for independence, he doesn't want to give it up! Dh left him 50 yards from the school.

The school would ring us soon enough if he wasn't at register at 9. (he gets to breakfast club at between 8.15 and 8.30, depending on what time he leaves the house)

BTW - I don't live in a rural area, I live in inner city Glasgow, at a school with mixed catchement area of tenements and posh big houses.

Oh - anf he doesn't walk home yet (we're taking this one step at a time ). He goes to after school club (in a different school - actually closer to home) - they do a pcik-up from his school and he walks up as a spuervosed group to the other school.

it's at least a year before he gets to walk hom from out of school club!

Could you pay for a taxi to take her to your other daughters school and pick them all up together? (It may be cheaper if it is a regular booking and with an approved lady driver)
I hav ethe same with my seven year old - who finishes 20 minutes AFTER the others so we have to wait (pain in the butt)

Is there a local teenager who could do it for you? £5 for the two weeks.

My neighbours son walked my 7 year old to dance class last week and I gave him money for a packet of sweets - he is also the paper boy.

We are new to the town too, but you just have to go tothe local shop and ask or advertise. People are nosy enough to be helpful in smaller towns!!!

Rhubarb- entirely sympathise with you. Childcare is a constant dilemma.
a couple of things I haven't seen mentioned

1. If you reluctantly went for the club option, would you get children's tax credits to cover it?
2. Have you thrown yourself on the mercy of the head and asked for dd to be included in the baking class as you have a real childcare dilemma? If they won't let her bake, can she sit outside the office with a book for half an hour until you can get there? We often have kids who are collected late who do this. Good luck

Back in the day, I think I was left alone from about age 9. I was quite a sensible child and we knew all the neighbours quite well, so I knew who to go to if I had any problems. Interestingly, once children got to junior school (this was the 70's), anybody who was late was recorded in the 'late book' and had to explain in assembly why they were late because it was felt that a child of 7+ could get to school under their own steam.

However, nowadays I would be very worried about a 7 year old walking the route I took to and from school, mainly because they are not tall enough to be seen round all the parked cars and Chelsea tractors, even if they did have good road sense.

7 is too young to be at home alone.

Far far too young and imo if something goes wrong you could be in serious trouble legally never mind your own grief / shame / guilt etc.

Is your daughter's welfare really not worth £80 per month ?? Less than that if you have holidays off.

Whilst you can account for your daughter's behaviour you cannot account for anyone elses and that in my view is the problem here

Rhubarb, where do you pick your DS up from? Is it far from your DD's school? What time do you normally get there to pick him up? Is there any way you could arrange for a taxi to pick your daughter up and drop her where you pick DS up?

It's a popular thread because there's so many mothers are in the same situation/dilema.

I have only red the OP, but childminders cost around 3.50 an hour, my partner drops dd off at school (she will be 7 in nov) and there is about an half hour gap per day between when he really needs to leave to get to work and to take her to school, so we have spoken to a childminder who is able to have her from 8:15-8:45 and picks her up from school, ask at the school if they know any childminders that do the school run, there will probably be a few and then see if you can have a word. It doesnt normally affect the childminders day work as they are allowed a certain amount per age group, so as long as they arent picking up too many kids it should be able.

I was a latchkey kid at 9 and I hated it.

I also used to walk to school by myself and I got followed one day and it was horrible, police got involved and everything.

It had a knock on effect though, it made me incredibly nervy about being in the house on my own after school as I used to be terrified whenever anyone knocked on the door> I just couldn't deal with it.

7 is too young sorry

It just goes to show it depends on the kid: I was a latchkey kid from age 8 or 9 (and would have been looking after my brother, 20 months younger than me) and it never bothered me.

I do tend to either block out or do a "Pollyanna" (ie try to see the bright side) on negative events.

Can't think of anything when I was a child, but I can think of such instances as an adult.

I know Rhubarb has decided not to go ahead, but waht this thread has tuaght me is the imprtance of checking with the child that they are happy with such a scenario - no matter how sensible you think they are.

rhubarb, haven't read all the thread but I have been suffering with the problems of after school care myself. And agree the cost is way too much!

Ours went up massively after tax credits were introduced. 7 years ago it used to cost us around £2.50 a session.

I am just now letting my 13 1/2 ds1 walk my 8 year old ds2 from school to his playclub (ds1 then goes home) and on Fridays, ds1 is going to walk ds 2home all the way (a 20 minute walk) with no playclub.

Have you any adventure playgrounds near you? I have found out that becuase ds2 is 8, he can go to the adventure playground, which is staffed by playworkers and has a secure siginign in system for FREE. And it's open 3.30 till 8.15 pm each weekday and all day Saturday. If you have such a place, it would really help you out when your dd is 8 (a watershed age I find for all sorts of childcare rules).

Have to dash but will read your thread properly asap.

how about

you get her a taxi to ds's nursery tell the nursery staff she will be meetng you there - you can arrange to pay taxi firm in advance so she doesn't have to carry money