to suggest that many newcomers to this site are put off by the cliqueness on this site?

[Somewhatdismayed]

I think lots of people (including myself) have started to change their names and have hesitated to post recently, because they are genuinely put off by the cliques on this site. If someone, usually a newbie, dares to disagree with one of the "annointed few" even in quite a mild way, their cohorts jump on the bandwagon and a virtual strain of bullying commences.

Many of the participants in recent arguments can be divided in to two camps: the old set and those that dare to disagree with them.

Everyone welcomes and enjoys lively debate but I guess this is a plea to old timers to try and reflect on how you come across. If you had been flamed or criticised very strongly the very first time you posted, how would you feel?

I've also noticed that if someone new or fairly anonymous makes a point earlier in a thread it's ignored, but then if one of the 'elite group' makes the same point later on - everyone notices and praises them for it.

Someone actually said on a thread yesterday that conversing on Mumsnet used to be like going to a dinner party and now it's like eating at McDonalds

How snobbish and elitist is that? Please can you try and be a bit more welcoming and conciliatory to newcomers?

Stands back and waits to be flamed ...

Ohh thanks drop dead fred I found a really friendly forum about weddings I love it in there

Youandyourwedding.co.uk

You get a counddown to your wedding and everything lol

can you tell i'm a bit wedding obsessed at the moment ??

Are you a scary organised B2B I'm not lol

not at all PG..we have booked the venue and the registrar and thats it!!! and only 10 months to go!

Saw a reference to the dinner/McDonalds on another thread too...must be the most controversial thing I've said!

Take it how you want, but it's true. The site has moved from a place where you could keep up to speed with all the convos around you, and now its difficult to "hear" what's going on with so many people and so much shouting. There used to be spats in the past but none of the continuous haranguing there is now.

So yes, exactly like the difference between a dinner party and McDonalds.

Not even an original pov - first came up ages ago and I can't claim to have been original enough to have thought of it...
happy to stand by it though.

Thats about as much as we have dome too got some bargain tiaras from ebay the other day aswell though
I am dreading dress shopping

why PG? I am just not sure I'm going to be someone who knows 'the dress' when she finds it..I can't even be satisfied with a pushchair for long so how can I pick a gown I'll still be proud of for years?

It's fairly easy to feel piled on wherever you might be posting online, surely? Depends on what the topic is mostly. And how aggressive you start off, of course.

If you've got the balls to start off arsey and carry on that way, then good luck to you. I reckon LoveAngel is a bit like that and she always makes me laugh (in a good way).

So it wasn't a comment about class then Crumpet?

um class? - isn't it more about a substantial number of people who don't know each other 'passing through' rather than six or eight friends engaging. Not my comment but thats how I interpreted it...

I know I've heard so many stories about bridal store staff it's put me off a bit

Won't make any difference what I say, people will take it how they want.

I thought it was a comment about quality - crap food v haute cuisine!

But crumpet, you have explained and I now understand and think it is a fair point. See, we do listen

sorry totally off the subject, does anyone know anything about oyster cards and how old you have to be to carry one, cant find the info i need on internet?????? Could someone please come to my rescue and redeem yourself!!!!!!

I am not a particularly prolific or particularly contentious poster. I've been here 3 years, but sometimes MN (the sheer size for one, and the prolificness of the truly prolific posters for another) is capable of making me feel on the edge of things. That is Entirely My Problem, though. And, despite not being right in the thick of things, I have still made some lovely virtual friends on here. And when I have had difficulties or shit in my life, MN has been a real rock to me.

And, tbperfectlyh, MN is different. I dip into other forums but nowhere have I found the level of intelligence, reflection ahd humanity that I have here. I think here, as in RL, people gravitate towards one another for entirely natural reasons.

PG whereabouts in the country are you? take a really outspoken friend with you just incase you need someone to speak up for you too..

law3 you can have one ffor aged 11-16 and another for 16-18 yr olds. Pick the forms up from th PO and it costs £5

Only read the OP.

When newcomers join with the express intention of posting unpleasant and ghoulish ideas on thread after thread after thread after thread after thread on the same subject, they deserve all they get.

I haven't seen any "snobbish and elitist" behaviour.

Any sensible newcomers know to test the ground first if they want to avoid clashing with established posters.

Like in RL.

MN has always been like this, if you like the way it functions, you stay, if you don't then there are plenty of other sites. This isn't meant to be unwlecoming or rude, its just how it is, it's what sets Mn apart from other sites.

Hello Quad!
How're ya doin'?

haven't read all this thread can't be bothered but it's totally fucking ridiculous!

Didn't realise you needed to be accepted, or ingratiated into a "crowd" on an internet chat site.

I don't post that often cos I'm busy having a busy life, howver I thought the point of it was about having a supportive forum to listen and share advice, not about bitching and excluding each other.

this is typical of a bunch of women, I used to worry about not being in the clique at school, too old for it now and the reason why most of my mates are blokes.

Don't get the elitist cliqey thing. Form groups of similarly minded people but no need to be exclusive about it.

i do agree with the clique thing but i use mn mainly for advice, and have been given some very good advice indeed. some holy cows are annoying and downright snobbish and am sure if they were newis wouldnt be tolerated.
some posters imagine alsorts of racism going on etc. when half the time none intended.the bad spellers throw me.

I have found MN very supportive on a couple of occasions and with some v helpful info but the reason I sound riled in my last post is because I read a HORRIBLE thread yesterday about mums you hate in the school playground.

Strated off quite dry and funny quickly deteriorated into nastiness.

Expect I might be one of those "boho" types that seem to be universally hated when my dd starts school. OR I might turn up in full make-up and a ponytail cos I've got important stiff on at work (another hated playground Mum). Hope none of these Mum haters lives round my way

Stuff not stiff sorry for crap typing/spelling

didnt mean one off toS, see, no sense of humour sometimes also.

Just read the OP and last few posts.

It's all about perception - you really need a thick skin for internet forums. People will tell you exactly what they think without the social niceties or non verbal nuances. It's easy to misconstrue a reply, or lack of one.

Everyone gets ignored from time to time. HAve a look through 'unanswered threads' - plenty of oldies and prolific posters on there.

And I have to say, I don't buy into the whole clique thing. But I am v glad you didn't call it a cleak, click or quiche

Shame you felt you had to name change - you won't get to know people well by hiding behind your non-regular name.

Hi somewhat, sorry you feel like that. I've been a member for 6 months and though I recognise regular posters sometimes I've never found it cliquey. I've killed a few threads but it happens to everyone .

I steer clear of threads which will obviously wind me up (style/news/politics) or upset me (bereavement/miscarriage/depression). NOT suggesting you should avoid anything of course, merely that there's probably room for everyone here.