Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to suggest that many newcomers to this site are put off by the cliqueness on this site?

142 replies

Somewhatdismayed · 11/09/2007 14:30

I think lots of people (including myself) have started to change their names and have hesitated to post recently, because they are genuinely put off by the cliques on this site. If someone, usually a newbie, dares to disagree with one of the "annointed few" even in quite a mild way, their cohorts jump on the bandwagon and a virtual strain of bullying commences.

Many of the participants in recent arguments can be divided in to two camps: the old set and those that dare to disagree with them.

Everyone welcomes and enjoys lively debate but I guess this is a plea to old timers to try and reflect on how you come across. If you had been flamed or criticised very strongly the very first time you posted, how would you feel?

I've also noticed that if someone new or fairly anonymous makes a point earlier in a thread it's ignored, but then if one of the 'elite group' makes the same point later on - everyone notices and praises them for it.

Someone actually said on a thread yesterday that conversing on Mumsnet used to be like going to a dinner party and now it's like eating at McDonalds

How snobbish and elitist is that? Please can you try and be a bit more welcoming and conciliatory to newcomers?

Stands back and waits to be flamed ...

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 11/09/2007 14:40

MN is notreal it is an anonymous group of adults with PC's posting.I dont bother about it and largely forget it it is just webtalk, and sometimes things get heated ah so what...

Dior · 11/09/2007 14:41

Message withdrawn

Aitch · 11/09/2007 14:41

my first posts on here were in a HUGE argument and involved taking on a very well known MNer (not that i knew that, obv). didn't put me off, in fact the sense of fair play and general good sportmanship i saw on both sides was really attractive.

people used to relish a debate on here, now it seems like everything has to descend into fisticuffs. it's a shame. and it's got fuck-all to do with cliques.

people who share opinions will meet and form relationships, but don't make more of it than it is... we're not thirteen, these aren't the bike sheds. go or stay, hack it, don't hack it, there are plenty of websites to suit all of the different types of people that the internet has to offer.

personally i'd rather poke my own eyes out than post on Babyworld, with all their moronic 'huns' and 'hugz'. do i go on there and bleat about how they're all one big glittery clique? no. nor do i expect to see them breast-beating about the fact that their tickers might exclude people with taste. each to their own.

McDreamy · 11/09/2007 14:41

I've been on here since 2003 and oh yes there are loads of cliques but I'm afraid that's life! You just have to get on with it! Use mumsnet for what you want from it and don't get hung up on the rest. (Took me a while to come to take this approach though )

ComeOVeneer · 11/09/2007 14:41

Yes others have felt the same way, but for every newbie who posts as such there are 100 more who get to grips with MN and dive straightin becoming a well liked and involved member of what IMO is a very caring/informative/entertaining and hugely resourceful site (just have a look at the things that have been done for other members etc).

LoveAngel · 11/09/2007 14:41

It's an online forum. FFS, grow a thicker skin.

FrannyandZooey · 11/09/2007 14:42

Agree Pruni, totally, except she was politer than me

if you don't like it here, why are you hanging around? Go and find somewhere fluffier to play if this is not your cup of tea

EricL · 11/09/2007 14:43

The only way i have found it to be cliquey is the language used. Some of the abbreviations still confuse me and took a while to get used to.

And some of the threads/topics i can't even begin to understand what the hell anyone is on about. But thats just a male thing i guess - it would be the other way round for a woman to visit a guys site.

I also think it is natural for long-term members to get to know certain people by their posts - so some kind of kinship is bound to develop between posters.

Nowt wrong with that!

littlelapin · 11/09/2007 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Somewhatdismayed · 11/09/2007 14:43

I am encouraged by the kindly, balanced answers here so concede that I may be being over-sensitive.

I don't particularly want to name names as I don't think it's constructive and it's a general point that I'm trying to make plus a plea to old-timers just to reflect a bit on how their responses might make others feel.

I don't mind forceful opinions but sometimes its gone way beyond that.

Lulumama may I respectfully suggest that the ones "who lead by example" aren't always setting the best example themselves ...

OP posts:
oliveoil · 11/09/2007 14:44

if you don't like it go somewhere else

TellusMater · 11/09/2007 14:44

Pruni is right. Just get stuck in. Yes, you will sometimes be ignored, and yes, when you see some poster's names, you know that in a few minutes you will see two or three other completely predictable posters, saying "I agree with so-and-so". But it's amusing rather than annoying IMO.

And if you are ignored then just SHOUT A LITTLE LOUDER

And you may never make it into the "golden circle", but you will still have fun.

And just be thankful we haven't had any of the "who is your favourite MNetter?" threads recently. They used to really get on my nerves...

Tamum · 11/09/2007 14:44

I bet if you plotted a graph of when people posting on here in defence of MN first joined it would be all over the place. Your argument can only be valid if everyone who disagrees had joined at more or less the same time. I can see anything between 1 and 5 years so far...

CatIsSleepy · 11/09/2007 14:45

MN probably isn't the way it used to be, to be fair, though it can be annoying to keep hearing that

as a relative newbie myself, I think the best tactic is to hang around and keep annoying the old-timers

actually I lurked alot before joining and I think it was reading some of the threads with old-timers on that lured me into MN in the first place

So I will ignore any comments about newbies and stick around...

CatIsSleepy · 11/09/2007 14:45

MN probably isn't the way it used to be, to be fair, though it can be annoying to keep hearing that

as a relative newbie myself, I think the best tactic is to hang around and keep annoying the old-timers

actually I lurked alot before joining and I think it was reading some of the threads with old-timers on that lured me into MN in the first place

So I will ignore any comments about newbies and stick around...

CatIsSleepy · 11/09/2007 14:45

and post twice!

policywonk · 11/09/2007 14:45

I've got no problem at all with people saying that it's not like it used to be. What irks me is the sentiment that all the interesting posters have disappeared or are posting less frequently. I think anyone with an open mind can look around this forum and fine plenty of interesting, well-informed, funny posters.

Of course people will feel sad because things have evolved, or because their friends aren't posting as much - that's natural. I'm just glad that a lot of the old-timers remain open to making new connections.

oliveoil · 11/09/2007 14:46

it isn't how it used to be though

I blame buying and selling

and I think we were in the Mothercare catalogue once

morningpaper · 11/09/2007 14:47

I think the newcomers aren't being put off enough

more cleaks please

JeremyVile · 11/09/2007 14:48

Ah, that old chestnut; "If you dont like it - leave"

How about "stick around if the good points outweigh the bad, after all dont we all moan about certain aspects of this place" - the boards over the last few days are testament to that.

FrannyandZooey · 11/09/2007 14:48

Wonky I remember people saying exactly the same around the time I joined

I thought "fuck off then if you don't like it" and I think the same now

if there wasn't something pretty powerful holding us all here do you think we would be typing away until midnight?

Just bugger off and find something better to do if you don't like it - whether you're a newbie or an oldie

Original poster
Somewhatdismayed · 11/09/2007 14:48

sorry - lots of responses posted in a short time

Thank you Pruners and others for your explanations - that's fair enough and makes sense

Desiderata

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's a balance between hugs and sacharine stuff (which I hate as well) and being a bit vindictive to people who haven't quite grasped the form yet

OP posts:
Twiglett · 11/09/2007 14:48

LOL at MP

see, I remember when MP was a newbie .. she didn't whinge

TheApprentice · 11/09/2007 14:49

Hi, I'm new too, and yes, there are cliques but surely that is only to be expected?

I've had some lovely comments and welcomes from some mumsnetters but I don't expect old timers to take much notice of me really, why should they when they've already got lots of friends on here?

There are so many members now that there's always someone who is willing to listen/answer threads and I am finding some of the parenting advice inavluable.

If I think any threads are a bit nasty then I just avoid them. Coward, me!

TheApprentice · 11/09/2007 14:50

Invaluable, even

Swipe left for the next trending thread