to suggest that many newcomers to this site are put off by the cliqueness on this site?

[Somewhatdismayed]

I think lots of people (including myself) have started to change their names and have hesitated to post recently, because they are genuinely put off by the cliques on this site. If someone, usually a newbie, dares to disagree with one of the "annointed few" even in quite a mild way, their cohorts jump on the bandwagon and a virtual strain of bullying commences.

Many of the participants in recent arguments can be divided in to two camps: the old set and those that dare to disagree with them.

Everyone welcomes and enjoys lively debate but I guess this is a plea to old timers to try and reflect on how you come across. If you had been flamed or criticised very strongly the very first time you posted, how would you feel?

I've also noticed that if someone new or fairly anonymous makes a point earlier in a thread it's ignored, but then if one of the 'elite group' makes the same point later on - everyone notices and praises them for it.

Someone actually said on a thread yesterday that conversing on Mumsnet used to be like going to a dinner party and now it's like eating at McDonalds

How snobbish and elitist is that? Please can you try and be a bit more welcoming and conciliatory to newcomers?

Stands back and waits to be flamed ...

It's not really about quality of posting - sometimes it's the sheer quantity. If I was at work I'd probably have MN on screen all day (as I know my dh does with his geeky forum) and post prolifically.

But I'm at home and away from the computer and so often miss out on the chat thread where I might have become more well known. I also don't tend to post much in the evening.

Anyway, it's like the 6th form common room, if you're there all the time the inevitably you get invited to the parties.

threads i dont like - i dont post. express your individuality/opinion any ole way it should not be like ole duffers members club rules/etiquette/not like that in my day chuff chuff

But I don't think it's cliquey. I don't feel excluded at all. I'm just not around often enough to have the same kind of friendships on here that others are able to build up.

its just part of everyday life, i dont know what the big issue is here....if u had been brought in with open arms you wouldnt be arguing about the whole clickiness that goes on.there are people in my everyday life that i choose not to speak to and some i choose to socialise with so am i clicky for that???? and im pretty much a newbie on here so im not being biast

So who's in a clique then, cos I've been here years and nobody's invited me.

You're one post out of a hundred (or sometimes a thousand). That doesn't mean you are being specifically ignored, because you're you. It's a HUGE, fast moving board, and everyone gets missed sometimes. (Every now and again, I check out how many threads I killed...it's bucket loads )

Just post, post, post away. Sometimes you'll get specifically replied to, mostly not, but you are JOINING in the conversation.

Now gimme a hug, no wandering hands, alright?......

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I think what we also have to bear in mind, if some seem cliquey, it is because many posters know eachother in RL, too.

I dont mind cliques, it doesnt bother me, I think it is a healthy sign of a forum where it is possible to gel.

Thats good advice TellusMater and CatisSleepy

I'm buggering off now as suggested by FrannyandZooey (in-tray calling)

certain threads have prolific posters who are passionate about that specific topic so i suppose that is why certain names can appear - but imo that is a good thing. informed lively debate is a dialogue and exchange of ideological beliefs. certainly for me no MN grudges - it is not real the anonimity of the medium also adds an ability for posters to be contentious when in real life they would let it go without a murmur

Somewhatdismayed - keep posting

Thanks LittleLapin, I am blushing now!

Out and proud under my usual name, I am very sad to see anyone being ganged up on, any shouting down without reasoned discussion and any behaviour which puts people off before they have even started. Unfortunately certain topics have polarised people,a nd people have arrived in order to discuss certain things in certain ways.

But it is too simplistic to say that that has been along old and new lines. Much of the heat has been between long-standing members...and there are many very new people who have settled in quickly and become part of the furniture. So how did that happen? becuase they made a contribution and took part in discussion and didn't assume that no-one liked them!

Haven't quite gone - agree Pruners, I think people are defensive because of this

Take the point it depends on people's humour, intelligence and confidence as LittleLapin says. It's just that newbies aren't necessarily very confident when posting for first time and in my view - could be afforded just a bit of leeway

Really buggering off now

to work btw not because I'm in a huff or anything

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i dont want to be hated but yes i kind of agree lots of times i've joined a thread and been ignored and others spoken back to many times joined a thread and then had someone be rude about my trying to be envolved

i do understand that many people have established friendships and have had many nice people speak to me but maybe everyone could remember how they felt when they first joined and be kind to us new ones as we all just want to join in and get advice and give where we feel we can

but please dont think i'm being rude as have met many really nice people but have felt very left out in threads where i have been ignored continuosly

Since it's only t'internet and not real, why not pretend to be a bloke like me (I'm actually an 18 year old trainee beautician from Ormskirk)

Then you can be in the elite clique of Dads who are ignored by female posters 99% of the time, and who all ignore each other unless they're discussing who they fancy.

LOLOL DaDaDa. Bang on.

lol maybe i'll give all hese things a try lol thanks

I am a relative newbie..never had a problem...

It can feel sometimes like hanging around in the playground, waiting to be noticed and invited to play. But, like real life, that doesn't work and you just have to join in without waiting to be asked.

Cliques are inevitable, and it's when people post here to ask others to go on MSN with them that I find vaguely irritating - but probably only because I don't use MSN so can't join in!

And I have never liked the assertion, which has been put forward a lot, that it's the newbies who lower the tone/intellectual capacity of MN.

So welcome - look forward to talking with you!

oh phew I am glad there is a clique thread

there hasn't been one for a while

I had assumed that everyone I knew must have left

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