to suggest that many newcomers to this site are put off by the cliqueness on this site?

[Somewhatdismayed]

I think lots of people (including myself) have started to change their names and have hesitated to post recently, because they are genuinely put off by the cliques on this site. If someone, usually a newbie, dares to disagree with one of the "annointed few" even in quite a mild way, their cohorts jump on the bandwagon and a virtual strain of bullying commences.

Many of the participants in recent arguments can be divided in to two camps: the old set and those that dare to disagree with them.

Everyone welcomes and enjoys lively debate but I guess this is a plea to old timers to try and reflect on how you come across. If you had been flamed or criticised very strongly the very first time you posted, how would you feel?

I've also noticed that if someone new or fairly anonymous makes a point earlier in a thread it's ignored, but then if one of the 'elite group' makes the same point later on - everyone notices and praises them for it.

Someone actually said on a thread yesterday that conversing on Mumsnet used to be like going to a dinner party and now it's like eating at McDonalds

How snobbish and elitist is that? Please can you try and be a bit more welcoming and conciliatory to newcomers?

Stands back and waits to be flamed ...

I'm in a clique with Dior all by ourselves actually

Somewhat - agree with you, people do jump to each others defence, not quite sure if thats because they are just agreeing with the other person or because they already know each other.

But hey who cares, your entitled to your views, dont let anyone put you off and welcome from another newbie

This forum merely reflects real life, surely-some personalities are larger than life, some make a lot of noise but say very little of value, others are quietly confident.Some play devil's advocate for the sake of it.
We all have our own reasons for coming on-I think the original "mission statement"-to support those members that need it-is still alive and well-I have seen some very kind and helpful responses in my reading.

I'm new I love it here did find it a bit scary to post at first but then again if soemeone doesen't like what I post they wont jump out of the Pc and hit me (i hope)

If you think people areruide here try the confetti website they are a real bunch of nasty bitches who scream obscenities at you if you dare to disagre with them or butt into one of their threads

This forum is the only one that that often makes me LOL plus makes me realise that all the other mummys are not perfect and have all the same worries as me .

that was meant to say argue ffs bad sausage fingers

I'm perfect pyjamagirl!

I am pretty new, and have not been put off at all. Of course there are going to be posters who have been here a long time, and who know others, but that's pretty obvious; I think it's a bit paranoid to call it cliquey.

I like MN, it makes me laugh.

Try Babycentre - a real eye opener. I am a self confessed feisty bitch and I was practically lynched on the 'Attachment Parenting' boards by a bunch of humourless lentil weaving shotputter types. I flounced the fuck out of there before they could tear any more flesh from my bone over my 'Gina Ford-esque' opinions (Oh Fuck off! Carrying a 3 yr old around in a sling all day and sleeping with it all night is weird).
Anyway, my point is - intelligent, opinionated, funny women are one of my favourite things in the whole world and thus, MN really isn't too bad a place.

Pyjama girl are you getting married then? or have you recently?

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I think all forums get pmt from time to time

erm because you posted on it at about 3 o'clock mello

It also depends where you post. If you are using MN for support in the TTC or antenatal or new mum sections, or you've joined up because you have SN kids and want to chat to people in a similar situation, you'll probably get the advice and support you need offered you in fairly sensible civil language (unless you're unlucky enough to need advice on something that;s either screamingly contentious or was done to death (in the opinion of the oldies) the month before you joined).

The worst kicking, screaming, dummy-spitting and hair-pulling goes on in the chat/news/AIBU sections, but that's kind of what they are for.

Now I like a good online ruck. Fair sets me up for the day. But I've also found MN informative on all sorts of subjects, like childhood illnesses and what'#s eating my pot plants etc. It's a mix of stuff like any site, so ignore the bits you don't want and make use of the bits that are useful.

YANBU. I have found this site bitchy at times, but, as someone has already pointed out its a bit like real life.

Some sheep , some individuals, some lovely folk & some self opinionated twats..

Very addictive too!!

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Ah, AIBU. I love it. The reason is always fucking YES, let's face facts. but that's why I love it. If I could be arsed I would go off now and start a thread called 'AIBU to love AIBU quite so much?'

what puts me off is all of the abbreviations, obviously the 'in crowd' know what they are talking about, I have no idea

It's not being 'in', it's getting used to the site. There is an acronym list, too.

Agree totally Madamez. Special needs and parenting are great. Not sure what I would have to do to get flamed on SN! I have occasionally dipped a toe into the other sections but I mostly just read around. I actually comment less than when I first joined because I got sucked in on some of the 'difficult'threads and then realised that no one was interested in anyone elses opinion and if I just want to hear people shouting at each other there are other places to go.
Some of the posts are laugh out loud funny and it is often sharp witty and thought provoking. So I love an hour here when I can

lol mellow. I would like to say that as a newish member I have made a few friends on here. I joined up because
a] I had a specific question and having lurked for quite some time, felt mn was the best place for me.
and
b] Being pregnant with my 4th child, and with a dp who works away all week meant that I was spending every evening alone and starting to get a bit down.
I started mning and now have some adult 'company' when the lo's are in bed, as well as the support of various experts and the support of an ante-natal group as well.

So thank you mumsnet and thank you to everyone who has made me feel welcome.

You do need to shout sometimes. And repeat the same thing several times. And sometimes what you thought was an innocuous comment can cause ructions and great offence. And sometimes you can get so cross that you post something that seems quite huffy and offensive and it gets ignored. Weird place. But that's how it is and I would respectfully suggest that if it isn't for you I'd try somewhere else. But if you think you can put up with the inconsistency and the little irritations it's worthwhile for all the good stuff.

I get married next september

OOOhh I get married next July...I'll let you talk weddings without being bitchy..

I'm newish too and think that the perceived cliqueyness brings out my inner 14 year-old! But hey ho, I'm 38 and have lots of RL friends so I get over it. I have found the site really useful in terms of parenting tips and just the reassurance that my children and their behaviours are no worse than anyone else's. I'm too slow and crap a typist to keep up with fast-moving chat threads.