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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give up my delivery slots..

355 replies

Shootingstar2918 · 27/03/2020 19:09

Hi all, background... I am not vulnerable and I am fit and healthy and able to go shopping but it’s extremely difficult. I have two children with autism and my partner has to work. I live 12 miles away from the nearest large supermarket. The village shop doesn’t sell much.

I get my shopping delivered every week without fail at the same time every week. I always book slots in advance particularly at usual peak times - Christmas, Easter, summer holidays.

My partner still has to work long hours so not as easy as one of us getting to the shop. By the time he finishes this week the shops are shut. They don’t open late here.

I have two shops booked. One for next week and another for the week after.

Been told I’m selfish for not leaving them for the vulnerable?

I booked these 2 weeks ago! When Tesco released easter bank holiday priority slots for delivery savers!

Surely I should keep my slots and not be made to feel guilty?

I know I’ll probably have to shop in store after these 2 slots!

OP posts:
GertiMJN · 27/03/2020 20:31

From what I've read on here practically everyone has a child with autism or multiple children with autism so lots of people in the same boat. I think slots should just be for the vulnerable and elderly

Katie2017 you minimized the difficulties faced by OP and other parents of DC wth ASD by effectively saying their children are no different to everyone else's.

You compounded that by saying the slots should just be for the vulnerable and elderly thereby stating clearly that you don't see autistic children and their families as either vulnerable or needing additional support / consideration. That is what is insensitive to many of us.

1forsorrow · 27/03/2020 20:32

I’m diabetic, entitled to the flu jab but we’re not covered by the shielded group, we are covered by the vulnerable group that was announced first. So I’m not in the group that’s eligible for delivery slots but I’ve been told to socially distance and protect myself for 12 weeks and strongly advised against going out to work etc. before everyone else. They need to make their minds up, this 2 tier system is bullshit. I agree it is a nightmare. DH is mid 70s, disabled and diabetic but we aren't in the shielded group. I am trying to self isolate with him for the 12 weeks as I don't want to bring the infection in to him but I had to go out today. I managed to get a click and collect slot but in my Asda you have to go into the shop to collect it, wait at customer services for them to bring it out to you so I was in the shop for a while. Not ideal.

Crunchymum · 27/03/2020 20:33

If your children aren't in the shielded group @Shootingstar2918 what do you plan to do the week after next?

This will be going on for a while so you need to have some contingency plan...

But yes keep your slots!!!

ademanlu · 27/03/2020 20:35

Keep your slots - I have 4 booked - there are 5 of us in this house - 3 adults and two teenagers and we go through a lot of food - I have shopped online with Tesco for years - 3 of us fall in the vulnerable category (4 if we count DS who has ASD) so it is safer for us to have a delivery - I logged on early this morning and got a slot for Monday our last delivery was last Fri, I had another one booked for Thurs but changed it to Sat - Tesco have an 80 item limit which when you are shopping for 5 adult sized appetites who are at home full time isn't enough! I think no matter what we do it will be seen as wrong by some people.

Legoandloldolls · 27/03/2020 20:35

Keep them as who knows who they would go to. I still have two deliveries to go. I have four kids, two are at SEN schools. One has a blue badge. I'm his registered carer.

I cant get any help or any priorities so I'm going to keep the slots I booked. With 4 kids they will all go into care if I die. Plus I am so scared of Judy historical locals on my local Fb group who are posting pictures of people outside the shops, their shopping and generally baying for blood.

Nope, nope, nope. I can spare the time like they can taking pictures all day to post on FB. I'm homeschooling a 8 year old who has just learnt to talk

MrsSnitchnose · 27/03/2020 20:36

@Katie2017 You've clarified what you meant now, but the tone your post came across as quite dismissive and slightly rude. Things don't always translate well when typed.

Also, children with ASD (numerous as they may be) are in the vulnerable category.

Peppafrig · 27/03/2020 20:38

Keep them I have one booked next week to my neighbours might think I’m a selfish twat as we are both young and fit. But my dad has cancer and I’m driving him to his chemo for the next two weeks and I can’t risk catching something and passing it to him so I’m not leaving the house. People don’t know anyone’s situation.

SoftSheen · 27/03/2020 20:39

YANBU at all. You need the slots, and I hope you manage to get more of them.

Those who suggest shopping for 2 weeks: not possible when you are limited to 2 of many staple items such as bread. A family of 4 could easily get through 6 loaves of bread in 2 weeks.

converseandjeans · 27/03/2020 20:40

YANBU it must be challenging enough trying to cope with two autistic children in the current climate on your own all week while your DH works.
In fact you should book future ones now!
My DS is not autistic but has selective eating and will refuse to eat things that aren't exactly the right flavour/texture:brand.
For your own mental health you need to stick to what keeps things as normal as possible.

Daffodil101 · 27/03/2020 20:42

I’ve kept mine and offered it to somebody vulnerable who can’t get a slot. Completely. And I’m delivering the shopping to them.

Myfriendanxiety · 27/03/2020 20:43

As someone currently self isolating for 14 days with no possible way of getting supplies other than deliveries (which I can’t get because they are completely booked up) I would say release them.

As a Mum with 2 children living in a village with no shop, I say keep them.

Just do whatever you think best and ignore others.

perfectstorm · 27/03/2020 20:45

You are vulnerable. You have 2 ASD kids, and are 12 miles from a shop.

I say that as someone with an NHS letter saying I have to stay in for 12 weeks. Still think you need your slot. Anyone arguing can sit down and mind their own business.

Walnutwhipster · 27/03/2020 20:46

I'm shielded and have a delivery about to arrive any minute and two more for the following weeks. I wasn't asked if I had any dire need for them when I booked. I'm not sure how they'll check eligibility in the future. Will it be like the elderly and vulnerable shopping hours that seem to be a free for all from the photos I've seen.

Rhea1981 · 27/03/2020 20:46

No don't give them up. You are at home alone with two children and you need to eat just as much as anyone else. If you take your children to the supermarket you would get slated for that, some people will just slag you off whatever you do. I think you have every right to have your food delivered.

Woeismethischristmas · 27/03/2020 20:47

I think with the limits it'd be tricky to get enough for a fortnight delivered also aren't supermarkets banning children? So will be tricky or impossible to shop in store. You won't get a click and collect slot for the next few weeks now. But I'd try and book them now for when your delivery slots run out.

CoronaIsShit · 27/03/2020 20:50

Really OP Hmm. Your DH doesn’t have any hours in the week that he’s home to stay with your DC, while your supermarket is open, so you can go on your own? So he works 7 days a week from 6am to 10pm?

I also have DC with ASD and severe learning difficulties. DH is a keyworker and is out of the house for 14 hours a day. I either get up extra early and shop, late at night when he’s back or when he’s off. It’s not rocket science.

These slots should be for (adults in the household, the DC wouldn’t normally do the shoppingHmm) people who can’t physically get to shops due to illness, age or vulnerability. You don’t fit into that category. I feel for the poor delivery drivers who are still having to go to work, risking their own health to deliver to vulnerable customers when people who could get to the shops themselves can’t be bothered to.

emilybrontescorsett · 27/03/2020 20:50

Keep your slots.

Krisskrosskiss · 27/03/2020 20:52

YANBU at all

AlternativePerspective · 27/03/2020 20:54

It is selfish to have two delivery slots booked. Block booking multiple slots is the online equivalent of panic buying.

If people booked only one slot at a time then there might be enough slots for everyone to have one. Except that now people like you have multiple slots booked meaning that someone will have to go without altogether.

And the supermarkets reserving slots for the vulnerable is a complete farce. Initially they stated that they were reserving slots for the elderly and disabled, they have now backtracked on that saying that only those on the government database as having received a letter will be classed as vulnerable.

I have a disability as wel as a serious heart condition which puts me at risk of complications but I am not considered to be vulnerable. In fact someone on twitter yesterday said to me that I’ll just have to accept that if I catch the virus I’ll die because healthy people are dying too and it’s not the supermarkets’ fault. Hmm.

FWIW I don’t begrudge people one slot, but booking more than one is selfish in the extreme.

The supermarkets are starting to clamp down though. Ocado already have, and sainsburys have just started introducing delivery limits as well.

Bowerbird5 · 27/03/2020 20:54

no keep them our local stores 8+ miles away has said only one person because lots of kids were going in with parent and they were not watching them and the kids were touching lots of products. It might happen near you so keep the slots. You have two kids with Autism who may not understand. I have worked with lots of Autistic kids and i am in the age and vulnerable bracket and I don't mind you having the slots at all. I have also self isolated...now on Day 12 and have no bread and DH has no milk and we have four matches left for CH...as someone who was in our house a lot has a relative with it. Immediate family so taking no chances in case he has it or is a carrier.

Jellykat · 27/03/2020 20:55

Well said CoronalsShit

Peppafrig · 27/03/2020 20:57

I don’t think Boris helped the situation by telling people to do their bit and get shopping delivered . So loads of people followed the advice.

Callaird · 27/03/2020 21:00

I’ve moved in with my parents, both vulnerable, mum has motor neurone disease and COPD, dad has Alzheimer’s and dementia and diabetes.

I cannot leave mum with dad as they both think they are still young and don’t need help, despite both of them having nasty falls when dad tried to help mum, in the last 8 months.

Mum usually has a full time, live in carer but with various carers going down with Civid-19 or self isolating the agency was struggling to find someone who could do more than 2 days. When they said we were going into lock down we decided that one of us needed to be here for them both. Neither of them are registered as vulnerable even though I filled in the Gov.uk form on Tuesday and cannot get through to any supermarkets to be put on their registry so cannot get a slot for love nor money.

However @Shootingstar2918, I don’t think you are being selfish! You have 2 young special needs children, it would be madness to try to take your children to the supermarket, they don’t understand social distancing, neither do a large percentage of the general public. Ignore those who are wrongly accusing you of being selfish.

alloutoffucks · 27/03/2020 21:02

People in the shielded group have had or will have letters by the 29th. They are asked to register at gov.uk if they want support. Their claim to be in shielded group is then checked. For those who want it the government then liaise with supermarkets so supermarkets can check which of their registered customers are in the shielded group These people are going to be given priority access.

The shielded group is 1.5 million people. This is a lot of people. I assume this group was created because the previously vulnerable group probably included more than half of the households in the country. It had very common conditions on it like asthma and diabetes.

Now it only has those most affected and most likely to die if they contract this.

loubeylou68smellsofreindeerpoo · 27/03/2020 21:03

Keep them you need them! I have tried to book a slot as we can't go out as dh has shown symptoms. If it gets too desperate I'll ask friends to shop for me