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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give up my delivery slots..

355 replies

Shootingstar2918 · 27/03/2020 19:09

Hi all, background... I am not vulnerable and I am fit and healthy and able to go shopping but it’s extremely difficult. I have two children with autism and my partner has to work. I live 12 miles away from the nearest large supermarket. The village shop doesn’t sell much.

I get my shopping delivered every week without fail at the same time every week. I always book slots in advance particularly at usual peak times - Christmas, Easter, summer holidays.

My partner still has to work long hours so not as easy as one of us getting to the shop. By the time he finishes this week the shops are shut. They don’t open late here.

I have two shops booked. One for next week and another for the week after.

Been told I’m selfish for not leaving them for the vulnerable?

I booked these 2 weeks ago! When Tesco released easter bank holiday priority slots for delivery savers!

Surely I should keep my slots and not be made to feel guilty?

I know I’ll probably have to shop in store after these 2 slots!

OP posts:
Katie2017 · 27/03/2020 20:09

Butty-don't tell people to fuck off it's not nice and you just admitted yourself you realised how many people have it! That's all I said that a lot of people have kids with AS wtf?!

MrsSnitchnose · 27/03/2020 20:10

Ordering enough for two weeks isn't possible with the restrictions on number of items, presuming OP even has the room to store 2 weeks worth of shopping. Keep your slots OP

MrsSnitchnose · 27/03/2020 20:12

Are you not considered a vulnerable family because of the DC with autism?

^This

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 27/03/2020 20:13

I had my last Tesco delivery today - I didn’t cancel it cos what would be the point? Anyone could’ve booked it. I don’t think most elderly people shop online anyway, I know my mum doesn’t. She’d rather go to the shops every other day for what she needs, she won’t put her card details online. Atm we are just taking her what she needs.

I know I won’t get any more slots and I’m fine with that.

How are supermarkets ensuring people who really need them get the slots anyway?

GertiMJN · 27/03/2020 20:14

I've been reading the posts on here the last few days and there are a huge number of people with children with AS

It's probably because the current situation is likely to be causing these families significantly greater problems than families with neurotypical children without other additional needs ad so they may well be posting more. For some families this will be bringing them to breaking point.

Didn't mean to offend anyone jeez!
Then maybe now you might understand a little better and be even less likely to offend in the future.

Original poster
Shootingstar2918 · 27/03/2020 20:14

@mamapants my oldest dc has learning difficulties. I am a little confused by the list of vulnerable people. I did read it states those with learning difficulties but I assume they mean adults, not children? DS is pretty healthy generally but doesn’t really understand and would struggle with social distancing, not touching anything etc. Obviously we are isolating so not a major issue!

OP posts:
ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 27/03/2020 20:15

I am really worried about shopping after my deliveries are done

Op- I would advise you to order as much as you can afford with these next two slots. Buy lots of tinned/dry goods and stuff you can stick in the freezer if possible.

LittleLittleLittle · 27/03/2020 20:16

@Jammydodger1981 I'm immunocompromised due to having a rare disease of the immune system. So I knew I was in the vulnerable group, I then got a text on Monday afternoon telling me I was in the extremely vulnerable group.

Communicating with others in both groups the main difference is whether your condition affects the day-to-day functioning of your immune system. If you are diabetic and have good glucose control it doesn't though you are still vulnerable if you get ill.

Original poster
Shootingstar2918 · 27/03/2020 20:16

@ShesGotBetteDavisEyes yes I agree. Obviously some older people are quite tech savvy but I know
Mine certainly aren’t! My granny is having relatives drop food off to her. She wouldn’t have a clue how to shop online. Neither would My
Mum who isn’t elderly!

OP posts:
Aesopfable · 27/03/2020 20:16

Depending on their severity, looking after two autistic children can be a huge drain on your resources. I know many families who have now found all their respite care and support has gone so they are looking after severely disabled children 24/7 - and many of these children also have disrupted sleep patterns meaning they (and their carers) may only sleep a couple of hours a night. Even if supermarkets weren’t telling people not to bring children, supermarkets are a nightmare for these children who often struggle to cope with the sensory overload they inflict.

OP of course you should keep your slots. I hope your ds are coping with all the changes happening to their routines at the moment.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 27/03/2020 20:17

This situation is really bringing out the worst in a lot of people. What every happened to empathy?

Your children need feeding. They are recommending not taking NT children to a supermarket, let alone ones with additional needs. You have a supermarket delivery slot. Use it.

The 'rationing' makes things difficult for a lot of families. On one hand you are told to limit trips, then on the other you are restricted on buying. It's testing everyone equally, but not treating everyone fairly.

mamapants · 27/03/2020 20:17

@Shootingstar2918 I'm confused by it too, they do say it's at any age and include learning difficulties. My son is autistic with learning disabilities I don't really know if he's more at risk as he's physically fit and healthy but as it's listed I'm being more cautious because of it.

LittleLittleLittle · 27/03/2020 20:18

@Shootingstar2918 no it includes children.

Katie2017 · 27/03/2020 20:19

HOW exactly did I offend anyone by saying lots of people have kids on the spectrum? My ex had Asperger's so I know a bit about it-I might even have it myself undiagnosed-you know ppl with AS don't understand how they can be offending people sometimes (something I apparently did and still can't fathom why!) but no you would never think maybe the person you are telling fuck off to might have ASD themselves!

TrudysTerribleFringe · 27/03/2020 20:19

Can you do click and collect for you our husband to pick up on his way home going forwards?

I wouldn't cancel the slots you have.

Underhiseye2 · 27/03/2020 20:21

We are all in this together. By asking this question and seeking validation, you already know the answer.

Garby · 27/03/2020 20:22

Hi OP. I am in the high risk group and live alone, I am trying to get home delivery sorted.
I do not begrudge your delivery slots at all. You are doing the best you can to take care of yourself and your family and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel guilty. Keep them, be kind to yourself and look after your DCs

Healthyandhappy · 27/03/2020 20:23

I hate shopping we have delivery every week and have one 2mrw

TheStuffedPenguin · 27/03/2020 20:23

You are being selfish . Your H should be stepping up here to help . Lots of people are sacrificing - you said it you are young and healthy You need to rejig your arrangements .

DowntownAbby · 27/03/2020 20:24

YANBU at all.

Reallynowdear · 27/03/2020 20:24

OP, does your partner work 7 days a week?

If not then sorry, I think YABU and should give up your slots.

If he does work 7 days a week WANBU to keep them

DuLANGDuLANGDuLANG · 27/03/2020 20:24

2 autistic kids totally qualifies you for the spots, IMO!

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/03/2020 20:29

I'm in the shielded group and cannot get a delivery from any of the supermarkets. I've emailed them all this week and had replies from 2 of them, both telling me that they have no plans to prioritise my group and to keep checking back for delivery slots. Most of my neighbors are elderly apart from one who is a single mother with 3 small children, I have no relatives in the area and the one friend I do have here was supposed to drop me some bits off today but rang to say her husband wasn't well so she's not going out. I filled in a form at the local council earlier in the week for vulnerable people to request help but heard nothing back. So, it looks like I'm going to Asda in the morning. I don't see any alternative.

chocolateisavegetable · 27/03/2020 20:29

I gave up a slot that I booked before lockdown, but it didn't get released to anyone else so it was a pointless gesture Hmm

Jammydodger1981 · 27/03/2020 20:30

Don’t get me wrong @LittleLittleLittle, it’s not that I don’t understand the difference between the 2 groups. It’s the fact that there is a vulnerable group that is being strongly advised against going out anywhere for their own good and that of the NHS as they’re high risk, and then a week later being told they don’t need the delivery slots and they’re well enough to go out shopping that has pissed me off.

My glucose is not that well controlled unfortunately, they keep upping my dose and I’m self isolating with symptoms at the moment, thankfully not serious yet.