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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fuming with MIL and husband

116 replies

BlackLabOscar · 26/03/2020 11:20

So my husband and I have had a massive row last night. I had a go at him for being stupid. Now we're not talking.

Everything has been fine. We have been staying at home, only going to the shop at the top of the road when we need bread or milk ( one of us, while the other stays at home with the children). We have been video calling our parents and siblings so they can still see our children.

Anyway, yesterday we arranged to video call his parents at 6pm last night, as normal, as the children are doing their school work in the day.

I was upstairs with the children helping with the last bits of the days school work when my husband shouted up for my son to open his bedroom window to speak to granddad who was walking their dog. We have a long driveway and he stayed at the top of it shouted down to the children. Not a problem with this. Nice to see him in fact.

Whilst the children were talking, I asked where MIL was. He said "oh she needed the toilet so she is in your house".

My husband had let her in to use the downstairs toilet which is at the back of the ground floor, so not even by the front door. I told the children to stay upstairs in my sons room. Shortly after, MIL shouted upstairs "are you not coming down to see nanny". The children shouted back. "No we are working". They are primary aged.

She went back outside and complained to my husband and FIL that the children couldn't be bothered to come down and see her.

I was fuming. We have been really careful, following the guidelines and my husband let his mum inside our home. He said he wasnt going to let her wet herself. I argued back that she is in her 50s. She can hold her bladder and she chose to walk the half hour each way to our house so she should have stayed closer to her own house if she had problems with controlling her bladder.

As soon as they left, I went down and bleached the downstairs bathroom, every handle she would have touched and then bleached the floors.

When they got home, she phoned my husband to complain again that the children were rude not going downstairs to see her. She then slipped up and said that my husbands siblings have been going to her house each day and her elderly mother (80yr old) has also been visiting her, but we have not been once.

This caused even more anger from me. I cannot believe how stupid all his family are and then how she had the audacity to then come to ours to use the toilet. I told my husband in no uncertain terms that she is not to come back into our house until this is all over. He told me I am overreacting and am banning his mum from seeing her grandchildren. How? When it has been me that has organised the video calls with both sides of the family, so they still get to see and speak to the children.

I don't know where to go from here now. We are not talking. He thinks I am being a B and I just cannot get my head around why he didn't put us first and firmly said no to his mum.

After they left to carry on the walk.

OP posts:
FuckOffCorona · 26/03/2020 11:24

I don’t think it’s that big a deal that she used your loo. She wasn’t within 2m of any of you, and you can clean bathrooms very easily.

She was very unreasonable to then turn it into a big song and dance about the children not seeing her, and I don’t blame you for being annoyed about that.

I would try not to let the fight with your husband fester - it’s hard enough all being cooped up together without that. If he will agree that they aren’t to come round until current measures have been lifted, I would be tempted to let the rest of it go for the sake of harmony.

GreenTulips · 26/03/2020 11:25

Tell him to go live with his mother.

You can’t fix stupidity - this is why people are dying

BlackLabOscar · 26/03/2020 11:26

Ignore the last sentence
Don't know where that came from

OP posts:
penisbeakers · 26/03/2020 11:28

Fucking hell. Shit like this is exactly why we have a pandemic.

You're right to be pissed off. I'd be incandescent.

1976Bo · 26/03/2020 11:28

She was very unreasonable to then turn it into a big song and dance about the children not seeing her, and I don’t blame you for being annoyed about that.
Yes -I agree with this, what a stupid woman she is.

Josette77 · 26/03/2020 11:30

I don't see her using the bathroom as a big deal.

Sandleman · 26/03/2020 11:31

YANBU

It think her needing the loo was a ruse to get inside and see her DGCs. Some of my family are just as bad. It’s so frustrating Angry

saraclara · 26/03/2020 11:31

I don't think it's a big deal that she used your toilet, either. None of you were around, and as a pp said, it's easy to clean. You were VU to row with your husband over that.

But yes, her expecting the kids to come down was entirely wrong. She could have joined FIL and called up to them like he did.

1976Bo · 26/03/2020 11:31

Yes, the bathroom bit I'd let go, but MIL's attitude since is really out of order.

Fimofriend · 26/03/2020 11:31

a 21 year old girl with no previous medical problems has just died from CORVID19, but your DH thinks you are all immune against the disease? God, he is stupid and so are his parents.

TulipsTwoLips · 26/03/2020 11:32

Grrrr! People like this are so annoying! It's so selfish.

The toilet thing I could have coped with. Not ideal, but could all be cleaned.

The rest is just ridiculous. YANBU.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 26/03/2020 11:34

His parents should be staying at home and having no visitors, The 80 year old should be isolating. The toilet thing is no biggy

Nanny0gg · 26/03/2020 11:39

The OP's husband let her in!!

Bet he didn't stay 2 metres away!!

He's a fool

Keeva2017 · 26/03/2020 11:39

Selfish stupid woman. Your husband is so so wrong on this. To hell with keeping the peace. I’m terrified that my children are going to lose a parent or grandparent in this. How dare she put your family at risk. Tell your husband to move in with her. Your kids were smart.

Keeva2017 · 26/03/2020 11:40

Show both the idiots this thread.

luckylavender · 26/03/2020 11:40

I would be furious too

Amotherof6 · 26/03/2020 11:43

Oh dear elderly mother visiting... so when she kills the elderly mother... perhaps too late to take it serious then..

I am with you 100% what a selfish and ignorant woman. Husband is a bit stupid too... no point in isolating if he lets his selfish mother in...especially when she appears to mix with anyone she wants to and isn't taking this seriously and ignoring instructions

saraclara · 26/03/2020 11:43

Bet he didn't stay 2 metres away!!

I hate it when people embroider a story based on no evidence, just to ramp up the drama.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that there's no reason to think that he didn't observe social distancing.

BlackLabOscar · 26/03/2020 11:44

I also think that the desperate need to use the toilet was just an excuse. They could have walked the dog anywhere but they chose to walk to our house. I didn't have a problem with the children and their granddad talking to each other through the window. She could have done the same.

I know that if my children had have been downstairs, she would have been in close contact with them. It's how she is. She is a very in your face type. The children have complained in the past about her not letting them go when they ask her to.

The bathroom was bleached straightaway. I did it, he didn't see the point. She is having people around to her house who could also be going other places and mixing with others unnecessarily.

We have just started talking. I haven't mentioned last night or his mum. Just talking about the school work set for today.

OP posts:
Dzundza · 26/03/2020 11:44

I'd stop doing anything for her. And if your DH keeps breaching the healthy safety of your home you can send him packing.

Amotherof6 · 26/03/2020 11:45

Sending you a virtual hug...

Your children have more sense than your husband and his extremely selfish and ignorant mother....

saraclara · 26/03/2020 11:47

I would try not to let the fight with your husband fester - it’s hard enough all being cooped up together without that.

I totally agree with that. You're adding to your kids' anxiety if there's this terrible atmosphere between their parents, when they need security and love.

I think you need to try to resolve this asap, and explain to him why. You can agree to argue about this again in a few months time if neither of you feels able to properly apologise. But you do need to get the atmosphere in your home back on track

Nanny0gg · 26/03/2020 11:48

I hate it when people embroider a story based on no evidence, just to ramp up the drama

Not embroidered. Didn't state it as fact. But his subsequent behaviour and attitude doesn't exactly make it a stretch.

billy1966 · 26/03/2020 11:50

OP, with people this stupid and petulant you just have to insist on what you know to be right and allow them to be offended.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of stupid people in this world, who can't be told, and are intent on insisting that they know better than the medics trying to give us all the best chance of getting through this.

I sympathise with you for having to be married to one of their number!

Protect yourself and your children as best you can.

Isolation is particularly trying for people whom love drama...🙄

Good luckFlowers

BlackLabOscar · 26/03/2020 11:50

I am trying to be so careful with my little family. When I was heavily pregnant with our daughter, I got pneumonia and both my baby and I nearly died. Then I nearly lost her again at 8 wks to sepsis. Luckily we pulled through both illnesses.

I am scared of Covid 19. Because of having had pneumonia before, I know how it feels when you can't breathe and need a machine to do it for you.

This is why I am more angry with him. He knows the fight I had to get over the pneumonia and cannot understand why he would risk putting us through that again.

OP posts:
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