Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fuming with MIL and husband

116 replies

BlackLabOscar · 26/03/2020 11:20

So my husband and I have had a massive row last night. I had a go at him for being stupid. Now we're not talking.

Everything has been fine. We have been staying at home, only going to the shop at the top of the road when we need bread or milk ( one of us, while the other stays at home with the children). We have been video calling our parents and siblings so they can still see our children.

Anyway, yesterday we arranged to video call his parents at 6pm last night, as normal, as the children are doing their school work in the day.

I was upstairs with the children helping with the last bits of the days school work when my husband shouted up for my son to open his bedroom window to speak to granddad who was walking their dog. We have a long driveway and he stayed at the top of it shouted down to the children. Not a problem with this. Nice to see him in fact.

Whilst the children were talking, I asked where MIL was. He said "oh she needed the toilet so she is in your house".

My husband had let her in to use the downstairs toilet which is at the back of the ground floor, so not even by the front door. I told the children to stay upstairs in my sons room. Shortly after, MIL shouted upstairs "are you not coming down to see nanny". The children shouted back. "No we are working". They are primary aged.

She went back outside and complained to my husband and FIL that the children couldn't be bothered to come down and see her.

I was fuming. We have been really careful, following the guidelines and my husband let his mum inside our home. He said he wasnt going to let her wet herself. I argued back that she is in her 50s. She can hold her bladder and she chose to walk the half hour each way to our house so she should have stayed closer to her own house if she had problems with controlling her bladder.

As soon as they left, I went down and bleached the downstairs bathroom, every handle she would have touched and then bleached the floors.

When they got home, she phoned my husband to complain again that the children were rude not going downstairs to see her. She then slipped up and said that my husbands siblings have been going to her house each day and her elderly mother (80yr old) has also been visiting her, but we have not been once.

This caused even more anger from me. I cannot believe how stupid all his family are and then how she had the audacity to then come to ours to use the toilet. I told my husband in no uncertain terms that she is not to come back into our house until this is all over. He told me I am overreacting and am banning his mum from seeing her grandchildren. How? When it has been me that has organised the video calls with both sides of the family, so they still get to see and speak to the children.

I don't know where to go from here now. We are not talking. He thinks I am being a B and I just cannot get my head around why he didn't put us first and firmly said no to his mum.

After they left to carry on the walk.

OP posts:
GenxfeellikeaBoomer · 27/03/2020 07:14

Frustrating. These breaches makes the weeks of being cooped up pointless

Teateaandmoretea · 27/03/2020 07:53

These breaches makes the weeks of being cooped up pointless

That is just not true, OP's MIL using the toilet in her house is hardly as much of a risk as me travelling on a packed tube train (which I stopped a week before proper lockdown) or even going in a supermarket. Why not look at it differently - every social interaction that is avoided reduces the spread. Just because someone/ a few people break the rules doesn't negate all of that.

TabbyMumz · 27/03/2020 08:01

Just wait till you are 50 and see how easy ift is to hold your bladder in. I think you were being a bit thoughtful and nasty there. However, she shouldn't have expected the children to come downstairs and she shouldn't have made a big song and dance about it either. But...I dont think you are squeaky clean.

diddl · 27/03/2020 09:00

"Just wait till you are 50 and see how easy ift is to hold your bladder in."

That's not really the point though is it?

It was an obvious ruse to visit.

Unless that's their usual route for their dog walk?

doodleygirl · 27/03/2020 09:10

"Just wait till you are 50 and see how easy it is to hold your bladder in."

what a load of rubbish - I am mid 50's and have no issues with bladder holding!

It was an excuse to see her DGD.

JudyCoolibar · 27/03/2020 10:18

Despite what the adverts claim, there's nothing about being 50 (or even 60) which makes you inherently more likely to have bladder problems. It has much more to do with childbirth plus failure to do pelvic floor exercises.

saraclara · 27/03/2020 10:30

Despite what the adverts claim, there's nothing about being 50 (or even 60) which makes you inherently more likely to have bladder problems.

Yes there is. Post menopause, the hormonal changes can lead to urgency issues, and other urinary issues

As you near menopause, your estrogen levels begin dropping. This lack of estrogen may cause your pelvic muscles to weaken. They may no longer be able to control your bladder as they did before. As your estrogen levels continue to drop throughout and after menopause, your UI symptoms may become worse.

www.healthline.com/health/menopause/urinary-incontinence

saraclara · 27/03/2020 10:31

what a load of rubbish - I am mid 50's and have no issues with bladder holding!

You know that not everyone is you, right, @doodleygirl?
I'm mid 60s and I do. Enjoy your good fortune but stop assuming that everyone is as lucky.

pudcat · 27/03/2020 10:35

Stop making excuses for the woman. We are told not to visit our family's houses. It is not rocket science

NorthernSpirit · 27/03/2020 10:53

You are complementary in the right.

I can’t believe people think it’s ok that she used your toilet. Oh but it’s ok..... because you cleaned it afterwards.

Do people actually understand how this virus is spread and how that put you in danger? Am presuming you don’t have protective clothing at home? She put you and your household under threat because of her selfish action.

What part of the 4 very clear reasons to leave your home does she & your husband not understand.

It’s idiots like them that mean this lock down will last longer.

PapayaCoconut · 27/03/2020 11:17

I can’t believe people think it’s ok that she used your toilet. Oh but it’s ok..... because you cleaned it afterwards.

Yeah. The virus can survive on many different surfaces and it's not that easy to effectively disinfect every single space she may have touched when she was in the house. Microbes are small. It's not like picking up litter.

TabbyMumz · 27/03/2020 11:37

"She has never mentioned bladder problems to either of us. If she had stayed at the top of the drive with her husband and called to say open the upstairs window like we did, there wouldn't have even been an issue."
Do you really think it's the norm for mils to tell their Sons or dil's they have bladder problems? Dont think I would.
Anyhow, maybe you know, she hasnt, but just needed a wee. It does happen, ie going out somewhere and needing a wee. In any case, you will never know if she did or she didnt, but I think you've evidenced here that you are just as mean spirited as her.

TabbyMumz · 27/03/2020 11:40

"what a load of rubbish - I am mid 50's and have no issues with bladder holding!"

But you can recognise that others might eh? Everyone has different bodies right? Some people suffer from this, some dont. Just like some people get diabetes and some dont. Just coz you dont, doesnt mean others automatically dont either.

doodleygirl · 27/03/2020 11:58

@saraclara I was responding to a poster who made a blanket statement about bladder holding and the over 50's. Of course some people over 50 (and under) have bladder issues but not all. It was not a personal comment to you.

saraclara · 27/03/2020 12:02

No @doodleygirl. You said "What a load of rubbish..."
And it really isn't. Many post-menopausal women have that issue, and to say that it's a load of rubbish is wrong. You're encouraging people to disbelieve someone, simply because YOU don't have the problem.

Alsohuman · 27/03/2020 12:10

what a load of rubbish - I am mid 50's and have no issues with bladder holding!

What a stupid bloody comment. I’ve had trouble with “bladder holding” since my first pregnancy at 21. Have you really lived half a century without realising we’re not all the same?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread