Fuming with MIL and husband

[BlackLabOscar]

So my husband and I have had a massive row last night. I had a go at him for being stupid. Now we're not talking.

Everything has been fine. We have been staying at home, only going to the shop at the top of the road when we need bread or milk ( one of us, while the other stays at home with the children). We have been video calling our parents and siblings so they can still see our children.

Anyway, yesterday we arranged to video call his parents at 6pm last night, as normal, as the children are doing their school work in the day.

I was upstairs with the children helping with the last bits of the days school work when my husband shouted up for my son to open his bedroom window to speak to granddad who was walking their dog. We have a long driveway and he stayed at the top of it shouted down to the children. Not a problem with this. Nice to see him in fact.

Whilst the children were talking, I asked where MIL was. He said "oh she needed the toilet so she is in your house".

My husband had let her in to use the downstairs toilet which is at the back of the ground floor, so not even by the front door. I told the children to stay upstairs in my sons room. Shortly after, MIL shouted upstairs "are you not coming down to see nanny". The children shouted back. "No we are working". They are primary aged.

She went back outside and complained to my husband and FIL that the children couldn't be bothered to come down and see her.

I was fuming. We have been really careful, following the guidelines and my husband let his mum inside our home. He said he wasnt going to let her wet herself. I argued back that she is in her 50s. She can hold her bladder and she chose to walk the half hour each way to our house so she should have stayed closer to her own house if she had problems with controlling her bladder.

As soon as they left, I went down and bleached the downstairs bathroom, every handle she would have touched and then bleached the floors.

When they got home, she phoned my husband to complain again that the children were rude not going downstairs to see her. She then slipped up and said that my husbands siblings have been going to her house each day and her elderly mother (80yr old) has also been visiting her, but we have not been once.

This caused even more anger from me. I cannot believe how stupid all his family are and then how she had the audacity to then come to ours to use the toilet. I told my husband in no uncertain terms that she is not to come back into our house until this is all over. He told me I am overreacting and am banning his mum from seeing her grandchildren. How? When it has been me that has organised the video calls with both sides of the family, so they still get to see and speak to the children.

I don't know where to go from here now. We are not talking. He thinks I am being a B and I just cannot get my head around why he didn't put us first and firmly said no to his mum.

After they left to carry on the walk.

Well, that was a big dripfeed! And everyone agreeing with op too 😂

But, yanbu op, he and his mother are dangerous.

I hate sharing things like this but if it prevents it from happening to other families then it's important. Send them this link: www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/world-us-canada-51978164

It's heartbreaking to read but important to show just why we don't do what your in-laws are doing right now.

A family met up for dinner not knowing that one of them was carrying the virus. Several family members have died, others are critically ill and since this article was written two more have sadly died. It's so tragic to think these deaths were preventable if only they had followed advice instead of thinking it didn't apply to them.

I am sorry that you have had such a difficult time and quite see why you are wanting to keep everyone in your house as safe as possible.

I was struck by what you said about 'your little family'. I think the issue is that we all have slightly different families. So, for some of us, the separation from adult children is painful. The Government's guidance has been inconsistent and confusing.

It is very difficult if your husband doesn't understand your need to be cautious. I hope you work it out because, as others have said, part of protecting immediate family is to help them feel safe and secure. Not easily done if their parents are at daggers drawn.

He told me I am overreacting and am banning his mum from seeing her grandchildren.

Has he not noticed that the government has already done that?

I don't see her using the bathroom as a big deal.

I do. It's a big deal because as soon as she'd used it she had the audacity to call to the children to come down and see her, when she knows fine well this kind of contact is prohibited under the present guidelines.

I agree with the PP who said it was a ruse.

I, too, would not be inviting her back until after the restrictions are lifted and would be very, very unhappy with DH. YANBU.

OP...That is just insanely selfish of your MIL to come in like that.
It just doesn't seem to be sinking in to people just how serious this pandemic is.

NONE of our family are seeing each other..much as we'd like to.
I doubt if your MIL really needed the loo that much.... It was possibly an excuse to see your Husband/grandkids??

It is worrying how people make exceptions.EG; ''Oh, I have a bit of a cough/tickly throat, but I feel ok, I need milk...so will pop to the shops''

NO!

We must be careful.... I told a friend {pre lockdown} to please not come round..he said ''I haven't got it''.......... I didn't let him in.

But no one knows...Asymptomatic carriers...

@WorriedMummyNow

This: ''if only they had followed advice instead of thinking it didn't apply to them.''

People tend to think rules only apply to others.......

I am amazed at the number of people who still don't understand or accept what is going on. While there are such idiots about the spread of this virus will continue.

Your MIL is a selfish cow and your DH is a fucking nitwit for supporting her.

You've had pneumonia! Your lungs are already at risk, frankly, to struggle more with something like COVID 19.

Tell him to go live with his mother if he thinks what she and the rest of his extended family are doing is ok. She brought ALL of them into your house when she came in if she's still getting together with them socially regularly ...as well as everyone they've been hanging out with, thumbing their noses at the rules, too.

Put yourself and your children first if he can't be bothered.

So she'll have contaminated the toilet seat, the door handle, possibly the light pull, the hand towel, the loo roll, the taps and that's assuming she didn't lean on the bannister shouting up.
Have you seen how long the virus can live particularly on shiny surfaces.
Your husband and his mum are idiots.

I knew that a lot of the Great British Public are stupid but I really didn't realise how many are.

YANBU I'd be furious.

I would be fuming too. My SIL is just as stupid. Still going to see MIL (in her 80s) and texting DH to see when he’s going. He hasn’t actually turned around and told her he isn’t (even though he isn’t). He annoys me too because I think he should tell her.

Your DH’s siblings have been visiting each day and an 80yr old?
So if that’s 2 people they have been in contact with, who have been in contact with 2 people who have been in contact with 2 people.... she’s basically just brought the germs from all those people into your bathroom x 14 days.
Completely agree she used the bathroom as an excuse to come in.
Selfish!
I’d be fuming. But then like you OP I don’t want to die from this virus.
It’s new. All advice is guess work. We don’t know how long it can actually live on surfaces, hands etc or how long you can be walking around with it without knowing.
No way would I be videoing calling tonight.
Fuck her and her selfish attitude.
I’d let DH do all communicating from now on without me.
Oh and the fact she lost her rag afterwards shows she knows she’s in the wrong. Stupid woman.

I honestly don't see how people don't understand the knock on effect!

The people that visited her could also be visiting others or having others visit them.

It goes on and on and on.

The sooner everyone does what they are supposed to, the better for everyone!

Surely it's not that difficult to understand!!!!

So they’re visiting relatives even though they’ve been told specifically not to by the government. Do they know that and are just ignoring it? Or don’t realise?

Yes. My 2 Bil, his 80yr old nan and my pregnant sil have all been going to his mums house. They have meals together and his nan goes because she doesn't have a garden so sits in Mils instead.

There are 2 on the vunerable list. His nan and my pregnant sil. Don't understand how they aren't getting it into their heads.

I haven't been anywhere near my side of the family.

I agree with all the people who have said her behaviour is selfish and stupid.

As others have said, you can't fix stupid.

It's a difficult position for you but you need your husband to understand that this crisis is serious.

The trouble is we're not at the worst point yet. The deaths so far are not hitting home to people who don't want to hear it or are too stupid to understand that it's very real and may still affect them directly.

Stick to your guns, OP. You have the health and safety of your family to consider. It's a real shame not everyone is taking it as seriously as you and the supporters of this thread.

I’m in Spain under proper strict lockdown, 30 days minimum.

Today they have announced that in the last 24 hours 655 people have died due to the virus. The day before that it was 738. I dare say many of them got it because they didn’t take staying home seriously. either. Unfortunately a goodly number of medical staff are also catching it and even dying because of their stupidity.

Please tell your husband that from me, and ask him why he thinks he can play fast and lose with your family’s lives. This is not a drill and he is a cretin.

Ask her very pointedly how much she wants to risk her 80 year old mother's life.
I'd stick to that.

The children, your children, can be infected and passing out viruses to susceptible people without anyone knowing.

COVID 19 can live on surfaces. Additionally, new research shows that people can have it yet be asymptomatic. So it is possible that someone on your household may have it, and may have passed it on to your MIL.

So YANBU and there are REASONS why we are not meant to allow anyone from outside the household into the house.

It literally is the mindset of “oh it’s terrible but it won’t affect us”.

And that IS stupid as it’s an absolute wilful disregard of a top down attempt to stop the transmission of this virus.

And all things considered, they would probably all be ok, 80yo granny may have the constitution of an ox for all we know.

But it doesn’t matter. Your husband is allowing his MIL to shit all over his wife and family because you have the audacity to act in a socially responsible manner, that’s not ok.

Park this for now as absolutely no good can come of this and he’ll know he’s in the wrong. But YANBU OP. At all. I’d be livid.

Tell your stupid husband to piss off and live with his equally stupid family.

I am so so sick of hearing about these stupid bastards, putting the rest of us at greater risk.

I have just took my husband to one side away from the children and calmly told him that I know what having pneumonia felt like. I described it in detail and told him I never felt so scared in my life up until that point. I then told him to think back to when our daughter was in hospital at 8wks old fighting for her life and us not being able to do anything to help her. To think about the dr coming in to tell us to call our family and the priest because he doesn't think she will make it through the night. He broke down in tears thinking about that time.

I asked him if he is willing to watch any of us fighting for our lives again. That isolation means exactly that.

Think I have finally got through the stupid matter sitting in his brain. He has apologised and said he wont let anyone in again.

We are now going to watch a film with the children so I hope he will realise what we have and how much we could lose if he is stupid again.

Maybe you need to remind his mother of all that again too?