To think this is torturing single people?

[VirtualHugsAllRound]

Even if it's intermittent lockdown and social distancing... Both mean you're not supposed to meet with family and friends.

If you live alone this is torture. Isolation is used as torture/punishment fgs!
We're always being shown that families are more important, that we've failed by not having a partner and reproducing. Now we are expected to live in isolation for months on end.

And at the end of it, no one is going to say "well done for undergoing months of torture to protect others" or support us with healing from the trauma this will cause. As usual, just expected to suck it up.

I cant do this.

The current situation is shit for everybody, for many many different reasons! Have a bit of compassion.
OP has stated that he/she has MH problems, and has felt suicidal. Personally I am terrified of the mental health crisis that will be part of the fallout from this.
Vulnerable isolated people are at risk of death by suicide. That scares me.

Why do people have to be so nasty? You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Just because it's hard to be a NHS worker or in an abusive relationship doesn't mean the OP can't also find her situation really hard! It's not a fucking race to the bottom. All I've read for the past 3 weeks is competitive misery but with 0 empathy.

OP - you should sign up for NHS volunteering, it will help you to feel better and also enable you to socialise a bit more. One of the options is to phone people who are isolating, or you can drop off people's shopping and prescriptions.

FYI the email I received back (automated) says they won't be calling anyone up until after March 31.

OP I'm going mental too, I really feel for you and don't feel like you can't complain.

Why do people have to be so nasty? You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Yes.

@TinglyFeets

I'm in a vulnerable group because I'm immunocompromised, I live alone and just like everyone else in the same situation, I'm also isolated. I'm fed up of people whining.

Some of us have genuine cause for concern.

Oakmaiden, I don’t want to threadjack the OP but this is an article I wrote about it a few years ago (trigger warning).
<a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20130206042313/www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/it-happened-to-me-i-was-kidnapped" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">web.archive.org/web/20130206042313/www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/it-happened-to-me-i-was-kidnapped

Sounds very tough OP. I'm at home with two toddlers so to me isolation sounds blissful but I appreciate many people find being on their own very difficult.

Is there a skill/interest you've always wanted to explore but never had the time to? Could you distract yourself with something like that? I would arrange to speak to your doctor if your mental health is taking a nose dive.

I would say, if you've tried all avenues and are still struggling to the point you're feeling suicidal then arrange to see someone and just keep a safe distance. Your life is just as important as someone with Coronavirus.

I’ve listened, watched and read everything I can. My conclusion is still that it is an overreaction and the wrong course of action.

Hundreds of thousands of livelihoods destroyed to save thousands of lives, very many of whom would have died of something else this year. Think of the mental health problems after this, the unemployment, the ruined families, the damaged children from vulnerable homes whose lives have been made so much worse without the refuge of school (not all vulnerable children are identified as such).

It is a balance. Obviously I care very much about my parents at this time and all the other people I can think of who are less healthy than me. Of course - that’s human nature. But politicians are supposed to protect the country as a whole and do what is best for our survival as a whole. The PM had a strategy. Keep the vulnerable isolated and let the rest get on with their lives. Don’t dessimate the economy.

Neither plan is perfect. It’s a balance of outcomes. Everyone sees it differently depending on their circumstances. I just hope we are not making the solution worse than the disease, which so far it seems we are.

Well 4 days before this hit my husband left me after 22 years for someone she. so yes it is horrendous for single people, in a time when I need hugs and company, it's the hardest time in my life

@VirtualHugsAllRound I am sorry you feel shit, and I get that being single/living alone has got to be a bit lonely and isolating.

But many others would probably swap places with you. As has been said, especially people stuck with verbally and physically abusive partners, people in dead or miserable marriages, and people with 2 school-age children or more (people with one seem to be coping reasonably well IME, but the ones with more than that are struggling, especially as they are having to home-school them!)

Me and DH are fortunate that we have each other, he has been written off with 80% pay, (and my job is a work-from-home one anyway,) and our adult DC have left home and living with partners. And we live in a big plot with quite a bit of land, and a lot of fields and woodland around us, so we can get out for some decent walks.

I feel quite sorry for certain people though. All of the above I mentioned - and single people too.

(((HUGS))) to everyone who is suffering in any way.

That said, there is an upside to this for some, as it's a great excuse to not see people you don't like, or who are hard work and demanding... My neighbour just told me (over the garden fence, from 16 feet away,) that it's Heaven not having to see her mother-in-law and her DH's brother and his wife and 3 kids. 'A whole month - virtually - without the family from hell....' she said.

And I think lots of people who have a partner who have a friend (or friends) they don't like, are relieved that they (and in some cases their partners,) are not going to be hanging around. Also, you're not getting people 'popping in unannounced' (or even popping in announced!) because they can't!

So yeah it is an introvert's paradise right now. (But the downside is that it can be very lonely for some...)

I really feel for many different people for many different reasons. It would be incredibly horrible being alone for months. I have. Partner here and two kids. So we have eachother. But it's still lonely. I miss my friend that I usually spent over an hour a day with doing school runs etc.

I feel sorry for teenagers cut off from their friends and school. It's mind numbing when you are used to laughing and talking and mixing. We all need to be around people our own age to stay sane.

I feel bad for all the primary school kids too. Used to seeing hundreds of faces everyday. Used to having dinner in a hall full of people and then mixing in a noisy playground. It's absolutely fine for now. My five year old is more than happy. But I know that weeks of this is going to be hard. She is accepting my no when she asks to go out. But in a months time when it's still no I'm worried how she will begin to feel. She is already a reserved child

It's going to affect everyone's mental health. The poor elderly who can't have those lovely sunday visits from family. They can't go to bingo or for a walk. The poorly who usually can go out but are now stuck for 12 weeks. It's tough for everyone.

I m frightened for people now. A normal healthy 21 year old died Friday as the ambulance said they can't come to her. It's horrendous. I'm just glad to be hiding inside today

@SpokeTooSoon I'm guessing you've not actually had coronavirus yet.

HairyHoraceHaggis

Really good post, agree with it all.
OP. It's so difficult...I lived on my own for years and whilst I loved it when things were easy I can't imagine how hard it must be at the moment. That's not to say that other people aren't finding it hard...it's not a competition. So sorry people are being so vile at the moment. Hope you manage to find a way through this OP.

It is not competitive misery - it is anger at self-absorption and lack of understanding of others. The use of the word "torture" for example. Of course the OP is unhappy. Of course we all have some empathy - but it is the OP's assertion that it is worse for her than anyone else becasue she is single that is drawing the comments.

If she had said - "I am finding ot so hard. I know there are others worse off and we are all struggling but I could do with some support" she would have got a completely different response.

@Spoketoosoon I agree and also think the fallout and austerity afterwards will likely be a lot worse than the disease. We will have another 10 years of even worse public services and zero help for the vulnerable, as well as mass unemployment and homelessness.

Yes, it's hard for everyone. But that doesn't mean the OP isn't entitled to feel this way! I'm sorry you're suffering @VirtualHugsAllRound. One of the things I'm grateful for is not living alone, I say that not to rub it in but because my heart goes out to people living alone. There is only so much video chats and skyping can do. Silence might be golden...it can also be stifling. I remember Sundays alone when I was single and had no plans were awful.

Please keep reaching out to people OP. Sadly you won't get much sympathy or understanding on here, I guess everyone is absorbed in their own suffering and it has become a bit of a 'well at least you're not in this situation so shut up moaning!' It's not helpful. Perhaps try and set up a support thread? Or find a support group online?

It will pass. I promise. Take it a day at a time if you can. for you.

I really feel for those that live alone at the moment. It must be tough. Loneliness is horrible. I'm incredibly grateful for my dh right now and consider myself very fortunate.

If she had said - "I am finding ot so hard. I know there are others worse off and we are all struggling but I could do with some support" she would have got a completely different response.

Here you go OP - someone has written you a handy script so that you can better express your despair.

@Spoketoosoon I agree and also think the fallout and austerity afterwards will likely be a lot worse than the disease. We will have another 10 years of even worse public services and zero help for the vulnerable, as well as mass unemployment and homelessness.

Yep.

It is very hard when you're by yourself. To the posters who said meet up with a friend as no more than two people...that's not allowed. It's only two from the same household. .it won't be forever. Just take one day at at time use facetime to keep in touch with friends

Well I totally sympathise with anyone who is struggling, it's not a competition as to who is feeling worse.
For me it has helped to accept that this is the situation and I can't do anything about it.
I'm looking for what I can do, I'm not sure if this will help at all OP.

Generally speaking, torture victims don't have access to facetime,whatsapp, messenger, Skype, zoom, teams etc. Nor do they TV sets, Netflix, mobile phones and Internet access. They're also not allowed out for an hour a day for fresh air.

YANBU to think it's a difficult situation. YANBU to be finding it hard. YABU to compare it to actual torture.

OP's assertion that it is worse for her than anyone else

I don't think she did say that

You seem to be victim-blaming, saying that she deserves bullying comments because she is struggling, and if she'd worded it more to your liking then people would have been nicer? She's allowed to feel how she feels and come on here to vent about it without getting a load of shit back. Of course someone single can be struggling more than a NHS ICU worker. People have different resilience and ability to cope. If you're single, you do generally tend to think about yourself because you can't really help it when you live alone!

I think many people in couples would say single people have all the luck right now

To answer the OP's question, in my case YABU.

Single by choice and happy about it.