To think this is torturing single people?

[VirtualHugsAllRound]

Even if it's intermittent lockdown and social distancing... Both mean you're not supposed to meet with family and friends.

If you live alone this is torture. Isolation is used as torture/punishment fgs!
We're always being shown that families are more important, that we've failed by not having a partner and reproducing. Now we are expected to live in isolation for months on end.

And at the end of it, no one is going to say "well done for undergoing months of torture to protect others" or support us with healing from the trauma this will cause. As usual, just expected to suck it up.

I cant do this.

Christ there are so unnessarily horrible replies on here. There are people posting on here that won't be happy until they have made the lives of someone who is in pain, even worse.

I wonder greatly at the psychology of needing to kick someone when they are already, clearly, down...

God people are unpleasant sometimes. It’s not a race to the bottom of the “my life is shitter than yours” pile.

The OP sounds really unhappy and depressed, so why do so many people feel the need to make it all about them? It’s not @VirtualHugsAllRound fault that other people are in abusive relationships or ill or elderly FFS!

It’s not nice but torture?

I’d rather be doing that than having to go to work, I feel like everyone’s ‘doing their bit’ and I can’t. I feel anxious and guilty every time I get in the car to go and when all the messages are STAY AT HOME and STAY AT HOME TO SAVE LIVES then it makes me feel dreadful.

OP clearly your MH is nosediving now. When my depression is bad I catastrophise and right now we're in the middle of a global catastrophe when thinking the worst makes sense and is easy to latch on to.

I agree with pp that you'd be better off doing another post elsewhere. Perhaps in Mind and Body somewhere or even a support thread in the Corona Virus section.

Otherwise, as trite as it seems, try to accentuate the positive. I could have stayed with my OH for lockdown but chose to stay on my own for various reasons. It's still a relatively new relationship and the idea of testing it by locking ourselves in together for a 3 week + indefinite period seemed stupid to both of us. I could see this as the relationship being rocky but I think it's great that we both value it so much not to risk it like this and that we were able to be honest about that. Having a partner right now might not mean you being with them.

Do try to get help with your MH. There will always be someone somewhere who is worse off, but knowing that does not help you in the here and now. This is difficult but you can find positives and act on those. Good luck!

Emerald It is a pity you didn't arrange a single friend to social isolate with you earlier.
Most of my friends are not single and/or have children. It's quie a big thing to move in with someone for potentially months. I have been trying to do the social distance but still meeting outside thing, but friends either live too far away or don't see the need because they have others in their household.

InTheSummerhouse Really you are surprised that people don't understand? Of course we understand.
Your reply shows that you don't. What I mean is, in general, even aside from what is going on right now. People just in general, even in normal times, don't seem to realise how terrible isolation is. And saying everyong is struggling - yes, but it's so much easier to face struggles together with others. Facing them alone fucks people up. There seems to be an assumption that I'm not worried about family members, cherished friends, the man I love (who I've no idea if/when I'll see again), the children I am honourary auntie to, employment, etc. like everyne else is. But it's on top of that i'm dealing with total isolation which I find the most horrifying of all.

It's really frustrating because in a group or partnership type situation I seem to be able to be clear-headed, problem-solve, and help others with reserves of strength that I don't seem to have as an individual (people have commented on this). I hate that I'm falling apart when I'm normally able to make the best of things and a "Blitz spirit" type - but only if I'm with others.

Andnonefor I'm struggling with it as a relatively new widow (a year ago) - the panic that if I die from it I will leave my son an orphan. He's more likely to get it than me because of his job, but I can't think about that. It is really difficult for everyone but if you don't have a partner you don't have anyone top decompress to. I hear you, OP.

Bless you. It sounds really difficult. Thank you for still understanding even when you're going through the mill yourself. Sending hugs.

Hang on, no, EVERYONE from a household can go out together (e.g. my household of three could all go to the park together), but otherwise only two people –so I could 'meet' one friend in the park, staying two metres apart, of course, but my DP couldn't join us.

No this is not true! Of course you must not meet up with anyone who is not part of your household.

Meeting a friend for a walk is not social distancing.

Meeting with a friend for a walk is socialising and will lead to more infections, more strain on NHS resources and more deaths.

Going for a walk is for only for exercise purposes, and not for social contact.

1. STAYING AT HOME

You should only leave the house for one of four reasons: ● shopping for basic necessities, for example food and medicine, which must be as infrequent as possible. ● one form of exercise a day, for example a run, walk, or cycle - alone or with members of your household. ● any medical need, or to provide care or to help a vulnerable person. ● travelling to and from work, but only where you cannot work from home.

These four reasons are exceptions - even when doing these activities, you should be minimising time spent
outside of the home and ensuring you are 2 metres apart from anyone outside of your household.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/875786/Full_guidance_on_staying_at_home_and_away_from_others_-200324__1.pdf

I have a toddler so I know kind of what it's like to be trapped indoors when you want to get out and enjoy the good weather.

I still have to go out to work so that's my sanity.

I honestly cant imagine how hard it is being trapped indoors. We've totally taken our freedom for granted all this time!

What things do you do for yourself? Have you a garden you can sit in and read or listen to music?

And to all those who are affected by and working with this horrible virus, lots of

It’s shit but necessary. It’s not torture.

Torture is being an nhs employee, police officer etc.... not staying at home on your own.

@VirtualHugsAllRound

Would fostering an animal be any help or possible?

Doesn’t have to be a dog. You could foster a cat.
Might provide you with some comfort.

I’m appalled by this thread. The undermining of your feelings because others want to tell you how much worse others have it, is shocking.

This is a really unpleasant read. I was very active on her about 10 years ago. Not been on here for ages. I’m hoping this is an aberration rather than the norm.

I leapt onto this thread to tick the OP off for her use of the word torture. But actually, having read the thread, I agree that this must be very tough for many people living alone. This is tough on all of us in different ways, maybe we could recognize that.

I live alone, it's great. I get to sit in and chill out without having to put up with the daily bullshit and office politics at work. I can sit in my underpants and play video games all day.

Being a single mum stuck in the house in sole charge of young children and having to be responsible for paying the mortgage and bills when there is no money coming in isn't a bed of roses either OP. Everyone is struggling.

I spent 19 months locked in a room alone once. Decades on and I still live with profound mental illness which affects me every day.

I get angry when I see people who live with families and are still going to the park every day complaining about how hard it is.

Isolation is incredibly hard to cope with and although obv not everyone who’s self-isolating has PTSD enough people live with mental illness that we should be aware of the psychological toll on isolated people.

@VirtualHugsAllRound you said I wish I had skills useful on the front line. I'd be an HCA if they'd have me

You can do exactly this - maybe not as an HCA but you can as a volunteer.

They are calling for NHS volunteers at the moment. You can sign up for four different things. Getting shopping, prescriptions for those who can't get out. Transporting patients back home when they're better. Taking equipment to hospitals etc or being available to chat to those in isolation. You just register at goodsamapp.org/NHS. A few checks and they start matching people up. Apparently the first lot are being matched next week.

170,000 signed up in a day. I would if I were in a position to but I have a child with a heart condition so we're in the 'shielding' section of society.

I have sympathy for you Op - I would hate to be alone at a time like this. I agree doing some kind of volunteering is a great idea.

I feel distraught for those in abusive relationships, now stuck at home in genuine volatile scary situations.
Myself and my two young children escaped to refuge almost a year ago to the day, with the help of women’s aid and the police.
I thank all my lucky stars that whilst we may be housebound and missing work and nursery, I am not in isolation with an extremely sexually and physically abusive person and I left when I did. We may be bored, but we are safe.

Also all those on the frontline may be wishing for boredom stuck at home instead of the vast amount of danger and responsibilities they have right now.

Hopefully it’ll be over soon OP, and MN is always here for company, it’s saved my sanity many time’s when I’ve felt very alone 💐

My 79yo DM is managing to do this without complaint and she isn't even allowed out to have a walk or get shopping. She is reliant on others for this.

She said to me the way she is coping is to have a routine. She starts the day with a few stretches then breakfast at 8. She then does the house work allocated for that day and any washing and other chores. Her neighbour gets her paper and pops it through so she has a cuppa and reads the paper. She then makes phone calls, rationing herself to one, maybe two, friend or relatives each day (no social media platforms so calls only). She then does her crossword, and prepares her dinner. After she has eaten she watched TV. No smart TV so basically she has a routine for each day and whatever is on.

She lost my DF 6 months ago so has had to cope with this as well as now being stuck inside 24/7. She does have a small garden so she can potter there if it is nice but it is too cold at the moment for her to sit out.

I guess maybe those on their own and struggling maybe have to sort out a routine that works for them in order to get through each day? Also make sure you get out for daily exercise if you can. We will get through this.

@RapunzelinQuarantine

19 months??? Why?

Of course, if it is something you don't want to talk about then ignore my very nosy question.

Everyone is being affected in different ways. Yes, it's tough on your own, but at least we have phones, internet, skype, facetime, etc to keep in touch. That's far better than your loved ones dying surely???

@Crystal87 that is NOT what it means!! You can walk with people from the same household only, you have to stay 2 metres away from EVERYBODY ELSE.

What would be the point of all of this, if we could meet friends for jolly walks?!?!

OP - you should sign up for NHS volunteering, it will help you to feel better and also enable you to socialise a bit more. One of the options is to phone people who are isolating, or you can drop off people's shopping and prescriptions.

It's really hard, I totally understand you.

We are all different - some will hate being stuck with their families, others will love it. Some will have a loving family, others will be in danger from theirs at the moment. Same with living alone. I live alone because I love living alone! I work from home all the time so really not much has changed for me at all. I've always been an introvert, grew up as an only child and have spent a lot of solitary time over the years. I feel for those who are used to a busy social life and are struggling though.

OP.
Being isolated is incredibly tough.
Have you looked at online social things? They won't replace human contact but they might help a little.