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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think people are jealous?

327 replies

cherrypieandcheese · 26/03/2020 00:15

NC for this one!

I work very hard running an online business that has helped a lot of people and gained a lot of traction. I tend to keep it very quiet. I take a very small salary thats not enough to pay bills and I hope one day in the future I can go full time. In the mean time I work part time. I scrape by every month. I try and not tell everyone what I do on the side because I'm a little embarrassed and I find people at my work are put off. If they ask me if I have another job and I tell them briefly about my side hustle, the conversation goes dead, so I change the topic.

Everyone at work seems really friendly and I think people like me. I still feel new, been there just over a year, but get along with everyone. Yet I am still not invited to parties. There are group chats I am not apart of, but people who have started working there in the past three months have been welcomed into. I am the only one. I held my own party and no-one from work came, despite all being invited. Others from outside work came so it wasn't a flop. I am the same age and have a lot on common with these people.

We have all just been put on unpaid leave. Three of my colleagues have posted on Facebook tagging every singe colleague at my workplace on how sad they are that they are no longer working together, except me. Again. Theres no-one I am close enough to ask about it without being worried everyone will find out my concern.

Everything went well in the first two months and only happened when people found out about my side hustle. I don't know if people feel as if we're too different because of my side hustle? I have opened up to a friend who has told me I should be so proud of how many people I have helped, but I am not. I am embarrassed. I feel the side hustle makes people feel as if they have nothing in common with me.

I have received a couple of sly comments about it from people at work. Someone suggesting I am going to leave as soon as my side hustle takes off, so i'm not really loyal to the company, another saying I must not have time for friends and family because I work so hard juggling two jobs and dont have the right priorities Hmm Just comments I can ignore in the moment but felt really off. This has happened from 5-6 people.

I really don't think there is anything wrong with my personality. I get involved, I am friendly and outgoing. My friend said my colleagues are jealous. Could this be true? There is nothing to be jealous of because what I do is very lonely, hard work, and I have thought about giving in a million times. Or is there likely another problem with me?

I have never had any problems in any other work place. This is the only job I have had since starting my side hustle and the only one I have trouble integrating. If anyone could shed some light it would be appreciated, thank you.

OP posts:
OhJeffrey · 26/03/2020 07:05

Waiting for OP to come back with 'well technically all businesses are MLMs'.

Seriously though OP it's too hard for people to answer whether it's about your side job or not if they don't know what that is.

gingersausage · 26/03/2020 07:07

@sparklefarts you can make money from that?

lotusbell · 26/03/2020 07:07

Stop saying 'side hustle', it sounds ridiculous as do most of these new terms.

OhJeffrey · 26/03/2020 07:08

but makes bags in her spare time

I thought you meant makes loads of money when I first read this, I was about to scream DOING WHAT but now I realise you meant literal bags. As you were Grin

sparklefarts · 26/03/2020 07:09

@gingersausage yup!

Peapod29 · 26/03/2020 07:10

I'm assuming you're providing sexual services to the disabled. Women don't tend to like sex workers. Next time you move jobs, keep schtum.

Wow, that’s quite a leap. That’s the last thing I’d have come up with reading the thread. I think for someone who ‘doesn’t like to mention your other business’ you clearly do talk about it quite a lot if lots of your colleagues know about it. We don’t know what it is, but it does sound like it could be something really admirable and a great idea but your colleagues probably view it as you boasting about how great you are. That would be my 1st guess.

CastleSalem · 26/03/2020 07:13

Hey, back off my brilliant side hustle, @gingersausage! I own the market for baby bootees that look like tiny sparkly pints of Guinness! Grin

CastleSalem · 26/03/2020 07:14

That was a joke. But I bet they exist somewhere..

TryingToBeBold · 26/03/2020 07:18

Although not with the job on the side.. I do understand how you feel.
My current job I've never really "fitted in".
I learn quick, like to try new roles etc and I try and out perform myself year upon year. I'm keen to learn.
This doesnt go down well.
I dont get invited out, Christmas parties are a failure (I have a small circle of friends I'll talk to) but.. noone would make an effort with me.
My manager is very unprofessional and suggests I'm the problem.

I think it's just the way some people are. It hurts at times but I try to just remember I wont be there forever and I have my own plans in the pipeline. On mat leave at the moment and its taught me a lot.. I'll be changing my approach when I get back.

I hope you can ignore it a little and know it wont be forever.
I'm just not a "liked" person.

NiteFlights · 26/03/2020 07:19

This thread is hilarious. I too wonder if OP is American. Side hustle is a perfectly respectable and common phrase to describe anything you do in addition to your main job, especially in the ‘FIRE’ financial independence community. It could (theoretically) be anything from Deliveroo or Uber to crafting fixed-gear bikes out of sustainably grown trees. It does not mean the OP is dodgy, or a sex worker Confused

The overuse of the phrase is, however, annoying.

OP, I doubt your colleagues are envious of you. They may see you as not a team player. They also may be rather cliquey. If I were you I’d stop worrying about it and get on with your own stuff. If you think it’s conceivable that they think you’re exploiting people (I didn’t get this from what you said, and some posters have their judgy virtue signalling pants hoisted very high on this thread) have a good long think about whether they have a point.

If not, carry on doing your things and spending time with your real friends.

BiBiBirdie · 26/03/2020 07:23

Total Hunbot

mochajoes · 26/03/2020 07:24

I work p/t & sell prints online. No colleagues have ever been put out by it & some have purchased a print. I don't see why anyone would be jealous of that.

happinessischocolate · 26/03/2020 07:24

OP I would start looking for another job, it doesn't matter why your colleagues don't like you, you've done/said something which has got on the wrong side of them all and even with a massive effort that will be hard to change.

Find a new job, and don't mention anything about this mysterious hobby you have. Just learn from this. I think it's clear from the reactions on this thread that the way you speak about your brilliant idea just rubs people up the wrong way. Me included

I was unpopular in my first job 30 years ago, but have got on really well with all colleagues in every job since, so my only regret is staying in that first job as long as I did

mochajoes · 26/03/2020 07:26

I likely would judge someone I worked with who was also an influencer or selling MLM though so perhaps it's the actual hustle. Is it a conflict of interests?

Treacletoots · 26/03/2020 07:29

Hi OP. I've been in exactly your position and yes some people will be jealous.

Also, why do you care if they want to be your friends? They're colleagues, I know it's nice when friendships form, but they don't always.

Keep doing what you're doing and fuck the rest of them :)

lilgreen · 26/03/2020 07:29

Hustles are cons.

NameofTheWind · 26/03/2020 07:33

Trust me OP, its unlikrly to "out" you to say what the side business is and you'll get more helpful comments.
If it does feel too revealing, just change your username afterwards 🤷‍♀️

SunshineCake · 26/03/2020 07:34

I think if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all comes into play here..

Roussette · 26/03/2020 07:36

Threads like this are so annoying. It's obvious everything hinges on what this side hustle is. Obviously the reason is... your work colleagues don't like it as they got cool with you when they found out.

Yet, you won't tell us what it is... I imagine our reactions might be the same as your work colleagues.

My initial reaction to your OP is cam sex work also.

Ughmaybenot · 26/03/2020 07:42

I’d put very good money on them not being jealous at all and it’s much more likely they simply haven’t clicked with you, if you’re relatively new and you don’t spend much time together it can be hard to build a bond, or that, as said up thread, they think you see their chosen career as a stopgap.
FWIW I run a quite successful business with my husband, he does it full time, I’m part time (altho equal partners), we employ two full time staff and up to six or seven seasonal, and it pays our bills and then some. I also work part time, as I like to have my own thing away from the house, and get on just fine with my colleagues, who know about our business. I’d even class some of them as friends. It’s not jealousy.

Arseit · 26/03/2020 07:43

Well said @annamie
There are some bloody horrible responses on here.
Jesus. Piling on the op for her use of words, when she’s clearly already feeling quite vulnerable in her work situation. Nice. I hope you all feel very proud. You lovely supportive people.

MaybeDoctor · 26/03/2020 07:48

The simplest thing is not to have work colleagues on your Facebook account. Just post less for a while, or click the button on your posts that enables you to select only certain friends. Then one day, quietly unfriend them. They won't get a message or anything.

Due to a not-dissimilar experience I am very careful to keep my personal life quite separate from my work life. The way I handle it is:

Facebook only for local friends plus a few groups
LinkedIn for work - I have 500+ connections and connect with anyone vaguely relevant to me
Twitter only for a particular 'side hustle' Grin

HeartyGreenSalad · 26/03/2020 07:51

Don't waste your energy on why they behave like this
You are not hurting anyone, let them get on with their pettiness
Block them on SM and get on with your life

Hippywannabe · 26/03/2020 07:52

Can we take guesses? I am going to guess Beachbody Coach.

Candyfloss99 · 26/03/2020 07:52

You've made it sound like an MLM by calling it your side hustle. Do you also call yourself a boss babe? They probably all think it's an MLM which no-one wants to be involved with.