AIBU to think people are jealous?

[cherrypieandcheese]

NC for this one!

I work very hard running an online business that has helped a lot of people and gained a lot of traction. I tend to keep it very quiet. I take a very small salary thats not enough to pay bills and I hope one day in the future I can go full time. In the mean time I work part time. I scrape by every month. I try and not tell everyone what I do on the side because I'm a little embarrassed and I find people at my work are put off. If they ask me if I have another job and I tell them briefly about my side hustle, the conversation goes dead, so I change the topic.

Everyone at work seems really friendly and I think people like me. I still feel new, been there just over a year, but get along with everyone. Yet I am still not invited to parties. There are group chats I am not apart of, but people who have started working there in the past three months have been welcomed into. I am the only one. I held my own party and no-one from work came, despite all being invited. Others from outside work came so it wasn't a flop. I am the same age and have a lot on common with these people.

We have all just been put on unpaid leave. Three of my colleagues have posted on Facebook tagging every singe colleague at my workplace on how sad they are that they are no longer working together, except me. Again. Theres no-one I am close enough to ask about it without being worried everyone will find out my concern.

Everything went well in the first two months and only happened when people found out about my side hustle. I don't know if people feel as if we're too different because of my side hustle? I have opened up to a friend who has told me I should be so proud of how many people I have helped, but I am not. I am embarrassed. I feel the side hustle makes people feel as if they have nothing in common with me.

I have received a couple of sly comments about it from people at work. Someone suggesting I am going to leave as soon as my side hustle takes off, so i'm not really loyal to the company, another saying I must not have time for friends and family because I work so hard juggling two jobs and dont have the right priorities Just comments I can ignore in the moment but felt really off. This has happened from 5-6 people.

I really don't think there is anything wrong with my personality. I get involved, I am friendly and outgoing. My friend said my colleagues are jealous. Could this be true? There is nothing to be jealous of because what I do is very lonely, hard work, and I have thought about giving in a million times. Or is there likely another problem with me?

I have never had any problems in any other work place. This is the only job I have had since starting my side hustle and the only one I have trouble integrating. If anyone could shed some light it would be appreciated, thank you.

Referring to it as a “side hustle” makes you sound like a wanker, I know that’s unfair and I can relate to you getting the nuance of a phrase wrong, - I thought saying I was “a sight for sore eyes” was self-deprecatingly saying I looked a mess, until I was tartly put right by someone who thought I was being an arrogant twat.
Are you 100% confident you never use it in person? Because you used it 6 times in your initial post.
They may be jealous, or they may think you are smug, or it may make them feel inadequate that you do that and they don’t.
It’s impossible to know. Try not to talk about it at work.
The party thing was mean, as was the Facebook exclusion; maybe you’ve just got unlucky with this lot and you are well out of it.

suggesting I am going to leave as soon as my side hustle takes off

This jumped out at me along with 'having nothing in common'. This is why - I would guess - people are keeping you at arm's length, as it were. Doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you.

'Side hustle' does really annoy me, tbh. So overused.

Pantsomime I appreciate why you would think that and I have acknowledged my mistake of using the word side hustle and don't refer to it as that in person. If you knew the details of the project I don't see how you could think it was exploiting. I honestly don't think anyone would have that concern. I don't get the feeling people dislike me or see my as untrustworthy. I get the feeling people are just not interested in getting to know me more

@LightDrizzle thank you 😊

@wildcherries its probably something like that

The constant use of the phrase ‘side hustle’ is annoying...YABU

Who knows if they are jealous. Probably not. Your friend is probably just trying to make you feel better. Some people don’t fit in everywhere

It wasn't a good idea to tell anyone at all. I expect there were already established relationships when you joined the firm and you are just overlooked, especially if you're part time. It's like that some times but nothing is meant by it.

You have friends outside of work and nobody is socialising right now so try not to let it bother you.

It really depends on what this side job is.

But aside from that, it is mean to freeze you out of a group chat and the facebook post is very hurtful.

We need to know more in order to comment. Try asking a particularly blunt friend, or a man.

I really can't think of a reason all of them wouldn't like me personally or professionally.

Sometimes you just don't click with a group of people and it's not for any particular reason.

It wouldn't be about jealously though. What's to be jealous of? If you were an heiress or won the lotto - yes. That you work really hard at a second job for a small salary? Not so much. I mean it's fine, it's like your hobby I guess, but hardly jealousy inducing.

Nobody here can tell you why people you work with want to keep you at a distance. You sound self-absorbed - and yes, a bit too smug about your super secret 'side hustle' (awful phrase btw). Making money out vulnerable people isn't exactly altruistic. Don't you think you sound a little bit silly, OP?

The word side hustle doesn’t offend me, and yes you can make a business out of helping vulnerable people. Many organisations which provide, care and education for those with adult learning difficulties are privately owned, as are nursing homes. People may get funded by the council to use them, because they have no provisions themselves, but the private company that run the programmes and groups make money. Same with transport for elderly etc, paid for my the government for those who qualify, but supplies by private firms.

I think your friend is bang on, and your colleagues are jealous because you dare to want more than the mundane existence they’ve settled for. Lots of those on MN too... evidence in so many posts on this thread 🙄

Keep doing what your doing. Keep working at making your hustle a full time gig... and shout ‘see you around wankers!’ as you walk out of the office on your last day 🙂

So what I don't understand is why they think you'll leave your husband if the side-thing takes off. They must think it's a money maker or something? You keep going on about how it's helping vulnerable people. those two things are not usually compatible. Maybe work have misunderstood what it is?

Also, it's driving me mental not knowing.

Oh god, sorry just read it again, they think you'll leave work if the side-thing takes off not your husband. Haha. Ok. Well, I still think it all comes down to what it is...

The word 'hustle' apparently means "to obtain illicitly or by force" so if you are "hustling" vulnerable people I can see why they would have a problem with you. Your post sounds quite immature and naive unfortunately, I would pause the side job for now and see if that helps.

Have you actually told the colleagues what your side job is? Because if not they probably think it is an MLM so don't want to invite you anywhere or go to your place because they assume you will hard sell to them.

I think your friend is bang on, and your colleagues are jealous because you dare to want more than the mundane existence they’ve settled for. Lots of those on MN too... evidence in so many posts on this thread

I was going to bite at this but then I realised you were just trying to be funny.

It isn't your 'side hustle' so you can either tell yourself it is, or do some self analysis to figure it out if it is going to bother you

If you don't say what it is then it's pointless

I'm trying to think about what I could do online to help vulnerable people, that is so rare that it would be outing.
If you're doing a bit of camming on the side, own it.

I would think they either think you are a mlm or think you are doing something shady.

I’m intrigued to know who you are hustling and I’d put money on it being the hustling that’s putting people off you. You might seem preoccupied with your hustle and not as focused on the office hustle bustle. Or something.

I can’t believe the hard time OP is getting for using the word ‘hustle’! Whilst an unusual choice, I think OP was aiming at it’s American meaning of working hard to succeed (I.e. hustle to make it). Language evolves, people!

OP, they do sound jealous or narrow minded. For some reason they are threatened by you.

When they exclude just one person that is exclusionary and bullying behaviour. You would be totally right to speak to your manager or HR about this, their behaviour is unacceptable.

Yes, sometimes it's the 'lazy' thing to say and sometimes it's when a friend doesn't want to tell you how they can see you rub people up the wrong way

Wise words.

The 'outing' thing though...tedious. All the MN posts about 'hubby's hobby being too outing' when you know it's golf, cycling or some other bloody boring thing that is about outing as saying you breathe in and out and have fingernails.

If your side business involves helping vulnerable people, then how are you making money from it??

My bet is that's the issue. Anyone profiting from vulnerable people isn't going to be popular.

I wouldn't immediately think it was related to your PT job.. maybe they just don't like you?
Sounds awful I know but work can have cliques.