To start a Cf of the past thread?

[PrincessHoneysuckle]

Not so many cf posts nowadays what with Corona.
Ill start:

A few years ago I came home from work to find my garden full of workmen and a fallen tree.Cf ndn had cut her tree down into my garden without asking/giving me the heads up and my garden looked like an episode of Groundforce I realised it had snapped my washing line too.

Another CF Father story.

He lives in a little flat at the very end of a quiet cul-de-sac in Kent. His garden backs on to a merchant's yard of some kind and it's only open Monday to Friday in office hours.

In the hor summer of 2018, they started opening earlier and closing late at night. As this summer was very hot, my dad had all the windows open and this noise either stopped him falling to sleep at night, or woke him early in the morning.

He went round to talk to the foreman politely, where he bored the tits off the poor bloke with his life story, various ailments and sleeping patterns. Foreman was lovely and apologised and said they'd won a big contract, it was an urgent job for the local council and they were having to extend their hours to meet the contract. He said he genuinely sorry as he couldn't do anything and the noise would only be for a couple of months.

My dad went home slightly miffed and two days later, going insane from lack of sleep he went back and said to the foremen that he'd had an idea.

My dad had seen a portable air con unit online for £300, if he could afford one, he could close his windows and not hear the noise, but still stay cool.

So he said that the foreman could buy it for him, that way he's off their back, won't need to escalate a noise complaint and my dad gets sleep.

Two days later he was the proud owner of a portable air con unit. Paid for my the merchants business.

I had to admire his CFery on that one TBF.

My last one.

I volunteer and help the homeless when I can between my jobs. My sweet DP spent one day with me (even though volunteering isn't his thing) to keep me company and he got chatting to a lady who was sleeping rough while holding down a full time job.

Without me knowing he gave her my number, as he knows I'd help anyone and said for her to text me if she ever needed anything urgent. Fair enough.

The lady texted me a few days later, to say she needed sanitary products, a common problem for women that sleep rough. No problem, I bought a load and also bought some packs of knickers too, then dropped them off to where she was sleeping in town.

We chatted for a bit and I noticed a big bag of dirty clothes, I asked and she said as she was saving every penny from her job for a deposit on a bedsit, so she hadn't taken them to launderette.

Understandable, but I couldn't bear the thought of her going into work in smelly clothes, her colleagues didn't know she was homeless and she'd been taking showers at work to keep up the pretence.

So I offered to take it all home, launder it and bring it back. Anyway, this turned into a weekly thing. Fine, I didn't mind, it was nice to help.

Time Marches on, then one week she texted me and asked to borrow £10. It was a week before I got paid and I had about £50 to my name and needed petrol for work. I really didn't have it spare, plus I'd need to drive to town and back to drop the money to her. I said as much as asked if she could ask anyone else. She said I was her only hope.

So I get in the car, drive to town to meet her and give her the £10, she swore I'd get it back in two days. So I change the subject and ask if she's keeping warm, she said she was, she'd been sleeping on a good friend's sofa for a few of weeks and she almost had the money together for a place. Fantastic!

The penny then drops, I ask if her if her good friend had a washing machine. She replied, "Yeah, she has. But I didn't want to take the piss and use it!"

No, but you're happy for a stranger to drive to town wash and dry your clothes and drive them back each week. I just nervously laughed, I was stunned! She knew I had a full time and two part time jobs and worked six days a week.

I know I offered, but this was CFery!

Oh, and I never got the £10 back or heard for her again.

I hope she's well.

We went on holiday some years ago and when we got back, I noticed something funny about our garden wall, which goes along one side of our back garden but abuts the far ends of four other back gardens. I’d got a company to fix trellis along the top of the wall years before and had some lovely climbing roses growing along it. While we were away, one of the neighbours had got their builder to carefully saw through the part of the trellis that abutted their garden, unthread the roses and erect a fence along the top of the wall just for their bit. I thought that was serious CFery and was (and remain) furious

Just here hoping for more, it's so nice to read something different!!

I have posted this before. Lazy CF colleague, always late, fiddling her timesheet, staying in at lunch to make time up (not really).
Anyway, this meant she wouldn’t go out to get her lunch. She would pounce on anyone going out to get her a sandwich. Often she wanted things from shops we weren’t going to, or miles away which would make our timesheets down. She would moan for hours when we wouldn’t get them.
one day she was getting colleague to get her a sandwich from a shop colleague wasn’t even going to, she was nice and helpful though. Brings sandwich and change back. CF goes mental that colleague has ripped her off by 2p, shouting her head off, accusing her of being a thief, she’s going to management blah blah. Nice colleague goes over, gives her 2p, no one ever got her lunch again.
Turns out the prices had gone up.

My former bff was indeed a cf imo.
Split up with her dh. Always pleaded skint. Alwyas quoted me to the penny her bank balance..
We meet up twice a week - I drove to her town, paid for both our cars at the car park. Paid for lunches /coffees / cakes etc. Genuinely never minded. I had a ds and we discussed her watching him once a week - paid - all good. Week before going back to work she denied such a conversation dropping me in it. Never mind I thought, sure she had her reasons. Friendship all fine.
Until she turned up one day in a Mercedes convertible! Fucking skint indeed!!

My neighbour's 4yo DS wandered into our house at 7.30am while I was madly making breakfast and school lunches for my 3 (primary school aged). I phoned his mum so she could get him but the dad answered and told me to bring him home later as the mum was still in bed asleep. Did I mention that I had a new baby as well? Can't remember what I said exactly but the dad was at my door faster than Superman could fly.

@BritWifeinUSA OMG the sheer brass neck of burglars getting food from yourselves I bet they had a right giggle about that later on!

Really good idea to help forget about everything going on. I'm just sad (or lucky or not spotted them) not to have a story of my own to add

Place marking

Didn’t happen to me but this was in the local news a year or two ago-

A chap was building his ‘dream home’ on a cliff top where we live, however his neighbour’s massive and ancient trees (think 100s of years old) were ‘blocking his view’. He asked the neighbour if he would consider cutting his trees down! Neighbour of course said no (at any rate the trees were protected). The NDN snuck into their garden in the dead of night, drilled into the trees and poured chemicals into them, causing them to die, resulting in them being cut down.

Unfortunately for NDN, there was loads of CCTV at the house which caught him walking down into the garden with a drill and the bottle of chemicals. The Police were swiftly called and NDN arrested and sent to Court. They found the drill with bits of tree still stuck to the drill bit in his shed! He denied the whole thing but was found guilty.

What a CF!

I would have been gutted if my trees were destroyed like that

Glad the CF was caught

I'm not sure if this is a CF or a mad person but here goes.

End terrace in one street and the side of his house in my street. Parking is pretty bad for all of us. This guy has a garage with a sign saying no parking but there's no dropped kerb. No car in garage. They park their 3 vehicles in that stretch of road every day and move them up and down each time one of them goes out thus stopping anyone parking there.

The van is the son's who doesn't live in the house, the small one is wife's and the red one is just kept to block a space! Why? Just why?

The DVLA don't have a record of it. The reg comes up as an un taxed blue Rover and it isn't. All day - and yes I do have too much time on my hands - he moves these cars back and forth so that nobody else can park there.

I parked there one day as someone had parked outside my house and within seconds - he must have less to do than me - he came out shouting that I couldn't park there! I just told him not to be so silly.

Madness I tell you. Madness!

Late night, living alone in the country a bit isolated, a man knocks on the door saying his van has run out of diesel, do I have any? No. Can I drive him to a petrol station? I was a bit nervous to do this so I offered to call my friend who was a farmer to bring some red diesel over. He says his wife and son are in the van and can they come in and wait because it's cold and about midnight at this point. I said no obviously and that pissed him off.

My friend was only 10 minutes, came with the diesel, put it in the van and the man asks how much. Friend said call it a tenner? The man said I only have a twenty, do you have change?!! My friend, stunned said no, erm, just forget it.

So the CF, rather than give the £20 to a stranger who got out of bed, got diesel from the shed, drove 10 minutes and got his van going, just gets in the van and drives off.

I kept expecting to come home one day to flowers or a card or a tenner through the door but nothing. I don't know if it was a scam or something gone wrong but he really did have his wife and a child in the car. This was only about 10 years ago so not pre-mobiles - I wouldn't dream of approaching a strange house if I could just ring a recovery service. Weird.

Gave my friend a courtesy shag to say thanks, though, so the night ended well. And we married the following year.

CF teenage son who has a biscuit detector built in - I had some biscuits hidden to share out whilst we are self isolating. He's eaten both packs and is lying about it.

I am beyond furious but will have the last laugh as I have secured a delivery of biscuits and a box of chocolates when I ordered pet food online. They were intended to be shared with us all but he will have to go without now. He has no idea I am getting them so I will have to find a good hiding place - the top shelf of the cupboard no longer works as he's head and shoulders above the rest of us and can see into the top shelf easily.

@Guardsman18 - that dodgy reg sounds stolen.

Was the Mexican house thief made up?

@mambanumber5, nope. It's in Classics.

@MostTacticalNameChange Love it. 😆😆♥️

The dog jumped up and ate the sausages on the work top. Does that count as a CF story place marking ? It is true. They were raw though.

@Qgardens Ha! Reminds me when I went to stay with friends for a long weekend, they invited me, my then-DP and my new dog that I'd rescued from the streets in Greece while on holiday a year before.

Friends had a BBQ and everyone was sat round in chairs, eating, drinking, chatting and relaxing.

One lady who was a friend of my friends, (who I didn't know) was holding court, telling a funny story, waving her hands about as she talked. Everyone was listening and chuckling along, myself included.

As she waved her hands about, my dog walked past and clean swiped the juicy beefburger out of her hand and swallowed it whole. I was absolutely mortified, every fell about laughing and the woman stood there with her empty hand still in the air, with her mouth flapping silently like a goldfish.

I then told everyone about my CF dog's rough start in life, born on the streets and fighting to find food to try and somehow appease her behaviour. 😆

I was so embarrassed. We laugh about it now.

so I will have to find a good hiding place - the top shelf of the cupboard no longer works as he's head and shoulders above the rest of us and can see into the top shelf easily.

Obvious answer:
When he goes high, you go low! Back of the lowest shelf you have, behind something he hates. Or in a tampax box or similar!

Since when was Mexican house thief not real???

Genfromgrimsby I have a stash of biscuits in the wardrobe in the spare bedroom, along with cans of coke, 2 bottles of wine and some crisps (and porridge, rice and kitchen towels). No one has yet looked in there other than myself.....a gannet of a DH and a teen DD with a serious snacking ability at times....

I have a couple of CF dog tales. I rescued a greyhound pup from a litter that shouldn't have been born (wrong dog covered her mum). When she was boarding with a family while I was on holiday she strolled casually past their son who was eating a roast dinner on his lap watching the telly. Equally casually she picked up a roast potato as she went by and strolled off with it.

Only yesterday I made myself 2 chicken salad wraps for a late lunch. I had just fed my 3 boys so they were not hungry. The oldest and cheekiest came charging into the front room, jumped up on the sofa and swiped one of my wraps before I knew what was happening! Gutted. No diagram but a picture of the latter villain.