To start a Cf of the past thread?

[PrincessHoneysuckle]

Not so many cf posts nowadays what with Corona.
Ill start:

A few years ago I came home from work to find my garden full of workmen and a fallen tree.Cf ndn had cut her tree down into my garden without asking/giving me the heads up and my garden looked like an episode of Groundforce I realised it had snapped my washing line too.

@MaidenMotherCrone, excellent image.

@TimeforTea20, so sorry you're going through that. That woman needs a slap!

@BlueChangling, I want you next to me to combat any CFers!

We moved in to our house some years ago, wasn't really in a space for chit chat with my new neighbours, even though she kept inviting herself for a coffee. We've been through the mill a bit, so I kindly told her that I'm not ready for visitors. There was no carpet or anything in the new house, we had to build up a lot from scratch, and I just knew she was on a gossif finding mission.

One of my lovely, trusted friends came for a visit but was there a few minutes before I came home. So CF neighbour was out of her house like a shot, starting chatting to my friend, asking her why we moved, where the kids dad was etc etc. Another time I came home early and found her snooping through my window. Lost my rag a bit. She also came checking through my bin once on why the recycling was rejected. (It was bubble wrap that my kid put in the wrong bin.) I was happy to see them moving away...

😀thanks

When I was pregnant with dc2 dh took dc1 on holiday to his parents, taking our only car ( no problem to me, I was off work & my dp lived very close by. First morning I wake up to a cacophony in the back garden- the 2 ndn children are on dc1' s toddler swing and slide. Ndn children are tweens. I banged on the window and shouted , by the time I had gotten my very pregnant self down the stairs ndn was banging on my door demanding an apology for me shouting at her kids. She thought we were away and she ALWAYS let her DC play in our garden when we were away because she was too fucking lazy to sort her own back garden out

@FthisS the pet rabbits and buzzards story has made me cry with laughter- great picture in my head of the rabbits togged up for duty and going in... 😂😂

Many years ago when I'd not long moved house I got home one snowy day with my shopping to see someone waiting outside my NDN's house. NDN was out and the visitor had no idea when they were due back so was just waiting outside in the cold.

I asked her if she wanted to come into mine for a cuppa and to warm up a little while she waited. She came in but refused the cuppa then asked if I could make her toast instead. She then saw my ex's cigarettes sitting on the side so asked if she could have one. I was a little but said it was ok. Eventually the neighbour turned up so she headed round to see them.

A couple of days later she was knocking at my door. The neighbour was out again so she asked if she could come into my house. I was busy and was about to go out, so said it wasn't possible that time and then she asked me if I could give her another cigarette and make her a slice of toast. (And yes, I refused this time on both counts.) She thankfully didn't come back again.

My late DM was Clerk to the (long defunct) Rent Tribunal, and used to prepare cases; some landlords could be a little flexible about legal restrictions.
One man came in breathing fire about his next door neighbour. They lived in a terrace, and next door was subdivided into bedsits.
Returning from holiday, he became aware of scuffling from the attic, and feared that there might be rats. He climbed up into the attic with a torch, and sure enough, the beam of the torch caught eyes gleaming in the dark.
But they weren't rats......while he was away, next door had taken the opportunity to demolish part of the connecting wall, and was renting his neighbours attic out to a family.

Another one I read about; it may be an urban myth.
Local council, in an attempt to counter vandalism, put unbreakable glass in local bus shelters. A young ne'er-do-well chucked a brick at a shelter, which bounced back and hit him in the head, causing concussion. His mother tried to sue the council for damages.

Another one from my teaching days. I was on supply, covering a Y2 class; obviously, at the end of the day, each child had to be collected.
Enter school secretary, looking faintly embarrassed. One of the mummies had phoned to say that she had just managed to get a younger sibling off to sleep, and didn't want to disturb him, so could a member of staff bring her son home?
I still wonder why the secretary even bothered to pass that message on.

This has cheered me right up!

@Jokie

Oh please please please update us!!!!

Jokie - you don't live in South Wales do you?

Loving these!

Jokie what's the outcome?

@hoggleludo / @guardsman18

Well, the neighbour came home from work (he's a keyworker) and for 5 mins there was a series of beeped horns and "who the f**k is parked here?!" Before the visitor came out looking sheepish and moved their car. The neighbour had told them to park there because that person is "out all day anyway so it doesn't matter". There were some choice words said and then everyone went inside. I was in the middle of making dinner so I was trying to hear what I could from across the road.

No, not South Wales but near it.

Years ago I worked in a local pub and the punters were mostly regulars. One guy's wife invited all the bar staff to his surprise 50th. 'He loves this pub and thinks a lot of the staff blah blah'
We arrive all glamed up (they were flashy rich, big house, gilt and marble everywhere) and the wife ushers us into the kitchen.
'If you can ensure one of you greets the guests and takes their jackets while the rest of you keep everyone's drinks topped up'
She'd only invited us to wait on the other guests
So we got hammered, ate far more than our fair share of the buffet (which we were also expected to hand round!) and fucked off.

MrsJack I had a grandmother who did something similar!

She owned a chain of boutiques (the single greatest way to wind her up was to refer to them as shops!) and invited all the staff to a Christmas party. The men were allowed to join the party but not only did she make the women hand round drinks and canapés, she provided aprons for them to wear!

This happened a good ten years before I was born and became a family legend. Only one of her many displays of sheer brass neckness.

.

I love this thread - thanks everyone!

@MrsJackRackham That's awful.

Mexican house thief is the best CF story I have ever heard.

I have one that's not quite as good, but made me . On the other side of the CF parking argument, I was the parker. Visiting my parents who don't drive and don't have a car. I usually park in front of their house but a car was parked there. No problem, I parked further along. The street has no drives, no reserved parking or bays, no restrictions, you get the idea it's just an old fashioned free for all. When I came out of my parents' house to drive home, neighbour had put bin bags full of rubbish all around my car (not on it, just in a circle round it). While I was moving them, she saw me and came out of her house and proceeded to yell at me that I was selfish, had no idea of common courtesy, that I had better not do it again, and how did I like dealing with someone else's crap like I had made her do.

As I now knew who owned the bags I piled them in her front garden and drove off, not before she shouted at me for fly tipping

@change
Flytipping - that made me laugh. Some people are just nuts...

Recently moved many years ago and ndn asked to borrow some pj's.. Assumed broken washing machine...
Returned them all washed and folded.. Few weeks later she requested the same pj's.. Apparently her bf liked her to wear them for sex...
Told her she was very welcome to keep them..

Windyatthebeach - that's so bizarre! I suppose it's slightly better than nicking them off the washing line.

A few years ago now. We moved to a quiet cul de sac with mostly retired folk in bungalows but our house is two storey and is higher than the houses opposite so our downstairs front windows are the height of what would be their upstairs if they had one. We had a note through the door saying please could we keep our curtains closed at all times so we couldn't see into their houses.

Mexican House Thief!

Even thought it wasn't real

Many years ago when I was a university student I lived in a block of flats with my boyfriend. We came home one Saturday morning from a Friday night out to see the neighbors were moving out. We didn’t know them but had never had any problems with the neighbors there. We passed them in the corridor and exchanged pleasantries “good luck in your new home. Where are you moving to?” “Oh just across the river, not far”, etc. They knocked on our door and said that they had emptied the fridge and packed all appliances so had nothing to eat and could we spare something? We made some sandwiches, put out crisps, fruit, juice etc and even said they were welcome to have some beer. They took quite a lot. We also offered to help with the heavy items of furniture. We loaded everything into the truck and waved them off.

Two days later got a knock on the door from a distraught couple who said they had been on holiday and had come home to find the place had been burgled and every last stick of furniture and item of clothing had gone.

It was then that it dawned on us that we had helped the burglars and had also fed them and given them our beer! I heard that most of their stuff turned up at a car boot sale the following weekend.

A number of years ago I worked and lived in a remote area, my employer provided housing to its employees, so your neighbours were also your coworkers. It was so remote you could not buy alcohol there, you had to order and get it shipped in. One of the managers had a drinking problem and when she ran out she would ask her colleagues if they had wine. I had given her a bottle before and she replaced it with a bottle of red someone had given her, she only drank white. She came to my house one day asking for wine and I told her I didn't have any. CF came into my house and started opening my cupboards and fridge to see if I had wine in the house!

Great thread.

I've shared these before, but here goes.

My dad is a serial CF. We just laugh about it now.

One year, he was house and dog sitting while I was on holiday in the states for two weeks, I left a full cupboard and freezer of food for him and enough dog food to last until way past when we got back. I obviously paid his travel costs to mine, bought him a souvenir abroad and duty free by way of thanks for his help.

A few days before we were due to come home, I got a panicked voicemail saying he'd ran out of dog food (ignored my instructions) and had spent the last of his money on dog food and had no money left for his own food. I couldn't understand how this was the case, there was enough food in my house to last him a month. Mortified, as the message was left the day before, I immediately wired him £30 and texted to say I'd call later.

I called him later, he explained he'd forgotten about my instructions about the dog food and yes he did have lots of food in for himself, but "as it was a Friday he wanted takeaway", but had no cash after buying the dog food. But "not to worry, I went to the kebab man and told him IchWill is my daughter, explained my predicament and asked if I could have kebab and chips, and that you'd settle up when you got back from holiday", the kebab bloody gave him it too.

I was so embarrassed. And we came home to two obese dogs.