To wish it was a definite NO to children going to see the non-resident parent?

[CrazyTimesAreOccurring]

DC other parent's partner still working. We are not seeing anyone. Yet the Gov think it is ok for children to go from one to the other. It is crazy - isnt it ??

Non resident parent is a PITA, dcs are old enough for them to communicate without me fortunately. If I did explain how I feel, I would either be 'being difficult' or just get no reply.

So our self-isolating is put in jeopardy every 2 weeks because of this.

AIBU in saying to DC if you go, then you stay with other parent till this lockdown has ended? I seriously dont know what to do for the best

Can I refer you to the new guidance just issued

www.judiciary.uk/announcements/coronavirus-crisis-guidance-on-compliance-with-family-court-child-arrangement-orders/

Sod that!!

It’s not being taken seriously though

Upthread you’ve got a house move going ahead, sky man fixing sky box, new windows being fitted.....nobody is listening

Every situation is different. In yours I'd prevent them from going due to the partner. But in our case, both households are isolating, and she will be with us a week, mum a week, and so on going forward

I've told my teens that I think it would be sensible if they didn't see their other parent when we (both household) come out of self isolation. He has 2 teens and 3 under 7 at his house and to me it's too big a risk.
DS1 agreed. DS2 wasnt so keen to not see him so we have agreed to play it by ear.

It's not a problem if both parents are isolating, but if they (or one) both have partners who have children, who see their other parent, who has a partner, who goes to see the other parent etc etc then that's a lot of people that can become infected and spread the virus.

We have my DSS eow. We have agreed with his mum that for now he’s not going to come as we don’t want anything possibly passing between households. We’re going to FaceTime him instead, it’s not the same but all our health is more important right now

YABVU - just because your ex is a PITA doesn't mean everyone else's is! Both my daughter's dad and I are working from home, and are only traveling to exchange her. We don't know how long this will last, and they have a fabulous relationship. Imagine they placed a lockdown when your DC were with your ex and you couldn't get them back because that's where they were when lockdown was implemented - I think you'd be less keen then!

I think people need to focus on fighting this horrible virus over maintaining contact arrangements just for the principle of it. No child is being pushed out of the NR parent’s household and people need to get over themselves and focus on bigger problems. Keep your child in one home to minimise the risk.

Some of us are key workers who need to work during the contact time.

I have been able to rearrange my shifts to minimise exchanges but if the kids stay with me for weeks on end that's a nurse out of the workforce.

They can't stay with the NRP for weeks on end because they cannot cope for long periods.

I think the current advice re children is appropriate tbh

Imagine if you were the non resident parent and told you couldn't see your children for at least 3weeks if not more. How would you feel? I'd be devastated.

I think children should see their non resident parent if at all possible. This could go on for months! Maintaining a relationship with a parent is hardly a non essential luxury.

I think it's ridiculous that children can go from house to house. What are they doing in France, Italy, Spain? Do they not have as many broken families as we do?

One neighbour has 6 children - 2 from her previous marriage and 4 from her partner's previous marriages (2 marriages 2 children from each one). So that's 3 different houses they are shuffling between every week. Plus their ex's have new partners who also have children from previous relationships!

No, I wouldnt be 'devastated'. Which is why I am thinking of telling them if they decide to go, they stay. My fears of spreading the virus and dc getting it override my feelings of missing them for a few weeks.

The reason I said the other parent was a PITA is to get across that I have to think for everyone, he wont. He will be thinking this is a way to score points.

@DiNATwist thank you for that link, just going to read through

Thanks for everyone's views so far. Much appreciated and shows the different points going around my head

No contact here, the choices are one house which is doing minimal contact with anybody and a house with two adults who are both teachers and have two teenagers who are home from university.

I for one am glad the gov didn’t say no it’s the only way I can work as a key worker .
If it was stopped child would have to go to school which I think is far more exposure
We are splitting childcare between us to maintain being able to work in very much essential roles

It's not going to be weeks it's going to be months.

It's a difficult situation but I really think if handled carefully children should be able to maintain time with both parents for continuity and mental health etc.

No I don’t, a friend is WFH and social distancing, he isn’t even going out for a food shop as he had a decent Tesco delivery. His sons mum is doing the same, there is no reason that their son going to both households will cause any problems.

A four year old with attachment difficulties and ASD not seeing one of their parents however would cause huge problems.

I agree it should be a definite no.

I can't understand why it's any different from couples meeting. Same risk imho and I won't be risking my health or my children's putting them on public transport to see their father for a couple of hours at his shared house.

In France they allow children going to both parents houses as they deem family life essential.

So it's ok for school staff to have contact with various children from various families, some of whose parents will be in contact with infected people, but you want your children not to have contact with their other parent, just in case.

I agree OP but sadly my dc father thinks that now the government has said its ok there is no risk. He's an idiot. Usually on his contact weekends he will go out and leave our dc with their stepmom and her kids. Now all this is going on he's desperate for contact purely for the principle of it. Thanks to the confusing government advice I really don't know what to do for the best and am having daily rows with him over it which I really don't need right now.

Of course contact is important. But so is beating this virus.

YANBU. My ex only sees the DC for about six hours a week anyway, no overnight stays and they can never be bothered going to see him at the best of times. He also lives 30 miles away and he’s still at work in a high risk job, lives with his GF and her two DC as well.

If he lived in the same town and he lived alone and was working from home I would facilitate contact but the risk of them travelling 60 miles and spending time with four people they don’t live with just doesn’t match government advice whatsoever. He’s FaceTiming them.

Also should have said my ex doesn’t drive so he was relying on trains to see them before this, obviously now not appropriate at all so he’d be expecting me to drive them there and back. I’m pregnant so I’m not willing to do this since I’m high risk.

We have my step kids EOW.

I don’t mind having them but feel worried about their poor hygiene.