To wish it was a definite NO to children going to see the non-resident parent?

[CrazyTimesAreOccurring]

DC other parent's partner still working. We are not seeing anyone. Yet the Gov think it is ok for children to go from one to the other. It is crazy - isnt it ??

Non resident parent is a PITA, dcs are old enough for them to communicate without me fortunately. If I did explain how I feel, I would either be 'being difficult' or just get no reply.

So our self-isolating is put in jeopardy every 2 weeks because of this.

AIBU in saying to DC if you go, then you stay with other parent till this lockdown has ended? I seriously dont know what to do for the best

Crazy you would be fine with not seeing your kids for up to 2 years (the timespan I mentioned in the post you are replying to)?

My husband has accepted that he won't see his kids for 12 weeks. Doesn't mean he is fine with it. Talking about 2 years of lockdown is a bit ridiculous at this stage - calm your shit down.

I'm in a right pickle over this.

SS is here atm and we do 50/50 - his mum is a key worker (nurse) so we offered to have SS here when she's at work on her week so he doesn't have to attend school but can carry on as he has done here! We've had no response from her

We are now wfh - SS suffers w anxiety and is now asking to stay with us for duration of lockdown and tbh just from the POV of containing the virus and reducing risk of infection to our house I'm happy for him to stay - hoping mum would see as an offer of support while she's on the front line working for us all but we are stuck as we've had no response to first suggestion, this request I think would not be received well either and don't want to antagonise her

@BeetrootRocks It's for everyone's best interests. I spoke to all mine about what this would mean and we will re evaluate in 3 weeks time.

Limiting how many journeys between both parents will significantly reduce extra unnecessary travelling and transmission.

No one wants to be without their children for a prolonged period but it is up to the adults to put aside their own feelings and do what is best both for the children and everyone else at the moment.

It’s good to see that advice from the judiciary make its clear that it depends on the circumstances, which is clearly the sensible approach.
A child of home workers transferring between two unexposed, self isolating homes barely increases risk of spread. A child of key workers is already in an environment that risks spread and if doubling that risk enables both key workers to attend work then it may well be a risk worth taking. But a child with one isolating, unexposed option and a second non-isolating, exposed option, should be kept in the isolating home if possible.

Why are you talking about 3 weeks.

My question was about the point it could be up to 2 years.

Am so glad they’ve issued proper guidance. I think it’s sensible and the most they can say in the current circs. As with most aspects of the Guidance though, it relies on adults behaving as adults. Sadly in some cases that does not happen.

jokerreturns Ot must be on his mother’s mind - every key worker I know is terrified about taking it home, and particularly NHS staff who get so much exposure.
Might it be worth her ex messaging to assure her that of course he’d enable loads of FaceTime, and support her making up any time she misses out with, with her son, after this is all over? And assure her it would be never be used to alter the status quo long term, and all maintenance would remain as currently stands, etc.

@BetrootRicks it's highly unlikely we will be in the same strict lockdown for two years, all evidence suggests measures will tighten then relax in cycles. Obviously if it was going to be two years people would review things, but the reality is that we are currently in a particularly dangerous period where many people will unknowingly have become infected before lockdown measures were enforced, so this is the most prudent time to be avoiding all non essential mixing.

Yes @BeetrootRocks of course I would be happy, thrilled in fact!!! I'd skip along happily and probably not give it a second thought. Please stop trying to be clever, no parent should be happy not to see their children for 2 years. But compared with what could happened if this virus isnt halted by sacrifices doesnt bear thinking about.

@blackswan88 exactly, we have to put aside our personal feelings. At least we arent being asked to ship them off to who knows where with who knows, like in WW2. All I am asking is what is best for them and the bigger picture.

Interesting from the poll result and the comments on here how difficult it is to make the 'right' decision.

I asked about 2 years and the answer was yes.

Simple as that.

I think it's bollocks.

@beetrootrocks you're being an arse. I would quit if I were you. No one said they would be happy not to see their kids for 2 years.

Ok well if that's what you want to think. Not happy but think it's the right thing for the greater good.

Also said that it was the right thing on another thread I mentioned where they'd give to visit the dad and he wouldn't give them back using covid as an excuse.

I think people so glibly saying yes it's fine aren't considering any circs except their own.

What if you were still having to go out to work? Where would you put your child?

@Somerville, it would be a strictly because of the circumstances offer, no doubt about that! Unfortunately things are such that they do have a CAO and the judge ordered the 50/50 so things are not amicable most of the time so I guess we wait to see what she responds with.

SS does have his half-brother from her second marriage at her house and I too would be worried about bringing the virus home, scary times

I am a parent unable to be with my twin toddlers during this and I AM devastated. Whilst I'm abiding by all safety guidelines/regulations/whatever, I desperately miss my daughters and, at 2 years old, Skype calls aren't really doing it for them or for me.

Yabvu. It is safer than key workers who still need to be sending their kids to school.

My daughter has a fantastic relationship with her dad, he is helping with childcare on his days off (food production role) as I am a key worker (distributor for food).

Kids have had enough change to their routine in the last couple of weeks, the last thing they need is be separated from people who love them

Me and ex have agreed for ds not to stay there throughout lockdown but will see him a day or two a week for a daily walk.

Myself, dh and ex partner are all key workers so I’m not comfortable with him moving between houses. Luckily ds in a teen so fully understands and can FaceTime in between. Ex is in agreement too.

Everyones circumstances are different that's why they cant blanket it.

Exdh lives with his shielded category mother and for me the DC have been extremely unwell for a week, no way in hell am I letting them away from me for even a second to go to exdh. Not to mention he is a key worker and working in central London. When I explained all of this to him his reaction was simple, the DC health comes first I'll find it hard of course but they are more important and his mother of course but mainly the DC. Hes set up a you tube channel privately so he can video himself reading them stories when he is off work and he facetime them and speaks to then all the time. It sucks for him and I certainly dont want to be married to him again but I cant deny the effort he is putting in and the fact he is putting then first.

However, so in my case stopping contact is fine , however for those with abusive ex husbands or partners, or the need to wohm means that contact is urgent and non negotiable. They cant please everyone and for some people it's dangerous to insist they stop it.

As this is mostly mum's on here and mum's tend to be RP then there will be bias towards dc staying with them

If all the mums on here had to hand the dc over to dad and not see them for several months I doubt they would think 'face time' much of a substitute

A couple of male nurses from my work have been stopped by ex from seeing dc as so worried about the virus some of the female nurses were agreeing it was 'best' as he's on front line but many of them are divorced and none of them are planning to send their dc to their ex to live for the duration so its a double standard