To tell them to go straight to the crematorium and not to expect to be let into my house?

[GoJetterGirl]

Just that.

Lockdown,

My boys funeral will not be the way he deserves, but at least we can have our 22 closest friends with us at the crematorium, socially distant (crem usually holds around 150) I’m thankful for that much at least.

The in-laws are complaining that they will have to travel up on the day rather than staying in a hotel, as the hotel they were booked at will be shut.

They have been told they are not welcome to stay here, because, it’s now law that households cannot mix and stay together.

Here’s where it gets annoying, the in-laws want to bring extended family to our house prior to the wedding, and are expected to sit like bumps on a log in our front room while we get ready to attend our sons funeral.

1. it’s no longer allowed
2. I’m immunodeficient, I don’t need my in-laws and co, tho don’t believe they need to isolate in my bloody house potentially infecting me and my family
3. I’m liable to lose my shit anyway, new law not withstanding...

So, what can I do to ensure they don’t run roughshod over me and my child’s funeral?

I’m at the point where I’m about to lose it big time

Would it be possible to bring it forward by a day or so?
And tell them after it has taken place?

What a terrible time for you, and how intolerable that your insensitive in-laws are making it worse

I agree with a pp that your OH needs to field this. He must tell them to back the hell off as do as they are asked. You need the space to focus on yourself and your boy, and getting through this as best you can

I agree with previous posters that your DH needs and get tough and tell the ILs straight what’s happening. It isn’t their choice.

I’m so, so sorry for your loss . You shouldn’t have to be dealing with these additional stresses at this time. I hope the funeral is a lovely send off for your child.

I think a text from your dh is needed here. If you send it they might dismiss you. .

I am so very sorry that you are having to deal with this sh*t on top of losing your gorgeous boy :(

Been thinking of GoJetterBoy so much and you too mama. Ye pop into my head a lot and of course anything Go Jetter related reminds me of ye!!!
I hope that brings you some comfort as I'm sure I'm not the only one on here who thinks of you often.

Tell the in laws to stay away. You don't have to bow to their shit anyway girly, but especially not now of all times.

Hugs to you. RIP special boy

God you have been through so much, I think I would text/email them

"This is the last I will say on this matter, dh & I are mourning our child, we do not need your shit, we do not need an audience to our mourning, come alone, come only to the crematorium, do not come to our hone, accept graciously that this is hard enough for us and beyond our control. Do the decent thing, put your son first while we mourn ours. We will not open the door to you anyway so please just show us some respect. This is fact, it is not up for discussion"

I meant fuck them if they never speak to you again.

I wish you all the very best

I've been thinking of you and your lovely boy too. I'm so sorry that your plans for his funeral have to change but keep telling yourself that you can have a memorial service when the time is right for you.

As for the in-laws, do what causes you least hassle and lose not a minute worry about upsetting them. It's about your immediate family and having your day for GoJetter Boy. Xxx

Jesus, as if you're not going through enough. Yanbu and if they don't agree they can stay away entirely, that's the only option they have.

And if there was ever a time where you could lose your shit at them, now is it. No one in the world would blame you.

I'm so sorry.

Government guidance says that funerals should be immediate family only. I doubt the crematorium will want 22 people going. As the previous poster said, have a memorial service sometime in the future when it's safe to do so.

I have nothing to say regarding in-laws as I’m not familiar with the background story. Just wanted to come on and say I was at a funeral today and they allowed around the same amount of people in the crem (22) They didn’t police it either.

YANBU.

If your husband won't deal with them, I would just say no. That they know full well why, you will be sticking to the rules for good reason, and you do not need a performance from them on top of everything else.

And just to recap: no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Just to be clear: no.

I am so sorry for your loss, and sorry you're having to deal with all this on top.

This may or may not help. But for DD’s funeral I didn’t let anyone come apart from my DH and her siblings. We all have lovely memories of the day. It was one last chance to make memories of her, without worrying about other people.
I’n So sorry you are going through this

my friends df funeral is friday theyre allowed 20 people theyve been told

They need to stay the fuck away from your house. Can you lie and say the rules are now stricter and they can't come at all...
Sorry for your loss.

I thought funerals were immediate family. We have a funeral next week and it’s absolute max 10 people and only immediate family. Funeral people have offered video link attendance, is that an option for your pushy relatives?

Condolences, OP.

Family funeral later this week. Undertakers own association is recommending 2 people only! We're pushing the boat out with 6! Undertaker and Church both OK with that, thankfully. What does the undertaker / crem say?

I am so sorry OP I remember the memorial thread for your DC, I cannot imagine the pain right now.

I'd be inclined to sit dh down (I realise he is grieving too but he needs to deal with this) and spell out the consequences of him not stepping up right now. I would be the same as you and never be able to look at him again and leave after lockdown if he didn't deal with it, I'd be inclined to spell that out. Not as a threat but as a very clear...this is where we are and what is likely to happen.

I cant bear disgusting reaction slike this from extended family who are so intensely selfish. That would be it for me for them , done and over, never darken my doorstep.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with these utter fuckwits at this time.

My thoughts are with you GoJetterGirl I hope you get to say goodbye to your beautiful boy in peace.

I'm sorry they continue to be so awful.

YANU.

Would you be willing to tell us when his funeral is happening? You may not be able to give him the physical send off he so deserves, but I'm pretty sure we can throw an awesome online memorial to coincide.

❤️❤️❤️

@GoJetterGirl sending you the biggest hug I possibly can.

God bless x

Tell them it has been cancelled / restricted to parents only.

So sorry for your loss

Your in laws are Twat’s.

You continue to think of go better boy and tell your. Dh to sort his cock nostril family out

I’d be tempted to call non emergency line and report them trying to hold a gathering! A police officer will ring them for you and back you up

I'm so very sorry for your loss

Normally I'd wish for the MN A-Team to swing into action, dispensing straight talking, gin and justice out of an Ocado van, but as we're in lockdown I shall send you best wishes and a decent alibi if you need to patio the lot of them.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this added shit at this most horrible of times.

I'm actually speechless, all I can think is that if I were your friend I'd stand outside your house on the day of the funeral and send the ILs packing.