To tell them to go straight to the crematorium and not to expect to be let into my house?

[GoJetterGirl]

Just that.

Lockdown,

My boys funeral will not be the way he deserves, but at least we can have our 22 closest friends with us at the crematorium, socially distant (crem usually holds around 150) I’m thankful for that much at least.

The in-laws are complaining that they will have to travel up on the day rather than staying in a hotel, as the hotel they were booked at will be shut.

They have been told they are not welcome to stay here, because, it’s now law that households cannot mix and stay together.

Here’s where it gets annoying, the in-laws want to bring extended family to our house prior to the wedding, and are expected to sit like bumps on a log in our front room while we get ready to attend our sons funeral.

1. it’s no longer allowed
2. I’m immunodeficient, I don’t need my in-laws and co, tho don’t believe they need to isolate in my bloody house potentially infecting me and my family
3. I’m liable to lose my shit anyway, new law not withstanding...

So, what can I do to ensure they don’t run roughshod over me and my child’s funeral?

I’m at the point where I’m about to lose it big time

You're being ultra reasonable allowing them to come in the first place! Time to get mad. You don't need any additional stress now but especially on the day. If they can't think of you and out your wishes ahead of theirs at a time like this they deserve to have you go ballistic at them. Selfish, entitled arseholes.

No. No. No. And no. They can not come into your house. How dare they give you a more difficult time.
Please have somebody else tell them in no uncertain terms that they are not to come to your house. Not them. Not the extended family.
Right now it is All About You. This is YOUR sons funeral. It is hard enough as it is. You don’t need people coming over and putting you at an extra risk.

If I were you I would email them telling them again to stay away from the house. And if there is anybody else who can help you with this and tell them also, that would be a good idea, I think. (Do you know any Peaky Blinders perhaps?)

On a side note. I wish you all the best for the funeral. We’ve been lighting candles for your lovely son and I have been thinking about you lots. I wish you the absolute best.

Sorry we need privacy so will see you at the crem. Actually, lose the sorry; they don’t deserve it. Thinking of you and wishing you strength to get to the end of the day.

Oh GoJetterGirl..my heart is breaking for you..no advice ..just so so sorry

I am sorry for your loss.

Can you contact the distant relatives directly and explain that it is best they don’t come (close family and friends only) or at least explain they will have to go direct to the crematorium. DH or one of his other relatives must have contact details somewhere.

God, OP, your in-laws are a bunch of cunts.

They shouldn't be doing this, making things all about them, when it should be about you, your DH and, most of all, your dear boy.

So sorry you're having this crap to put up with.

So sorry for your loss.

Tell them no and that you'll do a memorial service later in the year and then don't do one and tell them all to fuck off . I know your dh will be grieving too but you are immunodeficient. Ask your dh if he'd like another funeral to deal with? He either tells them himself his way or you'll do it yours. Don't take any shit. x

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

And very definitely YANBU, your in-laws are being incredibly selfish and your DH is being spineless. I really can't believe how many people can be, especially now.

I can't believe you're having to deal with this. What a set of cunts they are!

We had one relative who behaved Very Badly around the time our child was dying and then again at the funeral. I will never forgive or forget that and it was 14 years ago.

Your husband has no choice , he NEEDS to deal with it or you will never forget either. This is a make or break moment. If you don’t deal with this ( and the next months ) together, it will drive you apart.

Many couples divorce after losing a child, you need to stick together.

How will he forgive himself if you get ill after any unnecessary social contact at the funeral? you are already vulnerable.

Lose your shit. If there’s any time that’s OK it’s now and they have been being unreasonable for some time. I’m so sorry.

And now your ILs are at it again. I've read some of your previous posts and they are revolting people. Time to finally put them in their place once and for all. So sorry for your loss and that you're having to put up with this shit again

So sorry you are being put through this.

You are absolutely right.

💐

Tell them straight. Text ‘to protect our health and everyone elses we will be observing strict social distancing. We will meet you at the crematorium. No one should come to the house as we will not be letting anyone in’. Put a sign on the door saying ‘see you at the chapel at xx o’clock ‘ and don’t answer it.

I am so sorry you have this unnecessary worry on top of your loss.

I’m so sorry for your loss, especially at a time like this. Please do everything you can to keep safe. X

I’m so sorry they are making a tragic situation even more stressful.
Lose your shit as much as you need to, what selfish people they are

OP I'm so sorry for your loss.

They don't get to decide this. Can't believe they're causing this added stress at such an awful time.

oh gojetter once again im so sorry-take matters into your hands if he doesnt just tell them no

I will be keeping the police live chat page open, the second they arrive I will be contacting police to intervene... I’m not about to risk my health so they can sit while I prepare for the hardest day of my life, whilst worrying about my health due to these Morons!!!

Tell them straight. Text ‘to protect our health and everyone elses we will be observing strict social distancing. We will meet you at the crematorium. No one should come to the house as we will not be letting anyone in’. Put a sign on the door saying ‘see you at the chapel at xx o’clock ‘ and don’t answer it

This is excellent advice. Get your Dh to do it today.

Hate to say it but you shouldn’t have friends at the crem. It should be immediate family only (so parents, partner, siblings, children of the deceased only ). The in laws should NOT be coming at all. Arrange a memorial service for the autumn where you can invite friends and the in-laws.

So sorry for your loss.

The autumn memorial sounds like a lovely idea.
They shouldn’t be coming into your house even if you were a healthy 21 year old. Selfish bastards.

@GoJetterGirl you have been incredible. They need to hear:

"You are not actually welcome at all, given your past behaviour but I will tolerate you two (and only you two) being at the crem. The funeral is really for close friends and family who have been incredibly supportive and selfless in our time of need. It's a shame that you don't fit into that category, but it was your choice to display your dreadful personalities. That won't be such a shock to you if you take the time to reflect on your behaviour."

I suggest a close (and very assertive) friend acts as marshall at your house. Be shielded all day from the cunt-in-laws by trusted marshall friends.

You may only have 22 people physically present, but hundreds, maybe thousands of MNetters around the world will be paying tribute to your remarkable young man on the day. Let it only be about how much he is loved and missed.