Is this acceptable during ‘lockdown’?

[GA2012]

I lost a close family member a little over a month ago. He is buried about 11 miles away in a quiet little church in the middle of nowhere. There’s never anyone there apart from services, weddings etc. I would like to visit his grave and put fresh flowers on.. I would visit at around 8-9am in the morning. I feel terrible that I haven’t managed to get up there for a couple weeks.

I’m aware we are told 15 minutes exercise a day.

Obviously we are isolating and not socialising with people but would it be acceptable to visit? It’s a 20 minute drive on rural roads . We’d literally just drive there, visit and come back. There’s never anyone there. It’s a church in the middle of nowhere with only a small hamlet up the road...

If we got there and there was people there we would come back another time..

So sorry OP but no, this isn't OK. If it was closer then you could walk to it for your daily exercise but a 22 mile round trip would take over 5 hours to walk and that is obviously too much. Driving there is not a necessary journey - if you had an accident or broke down, you would be creating significant additional infection opportunities.

Find another way to signify you thinking of your recently departed family member. Perhaps light a candle by a photo of them each evening. Their physical remains may be 11 miles away but your gesture to remember and commemorate them can be right here in your house.

You can safely tend the grave when this is all over. I am sure they would much rather you kept safe at home.

LittleRootie apologies. It doesn’t seem rather blunt. I don’t mean any offence by it though, just reality.

Can you make a tribute to your family member in your own home or garden, and remember him in your own way in the safety of staying at home? Condolences on the loss of your relative.

Does seem rather blunt I meant.

SleepyNightOwl no need to apologise to me, it is the OP's close relative that you were referring to so 'bluntly'.

the rules allow for people to go to an isolated place for 'exercise' (if the OP wants to use this time to pay respects there's no law against that either)

Yes there is, because taking flowers to a graveside is not "exercise".
People are currently being allowed outside to walk or jog because it is beneficial to health. Start abusing this and that right will be taken away too.

It is completely acceptable under the rules

All those banging on about the rules. You do realise the rules are man made and an attempt to minimise the spread of disease? They aren’t some magic charm that will give you special protection. You know that the pesky virus hasn’t read the rules, nor does it care?

@LittleRootie - fair point re the exercise but there in lies the rub - people thinking ....well if its okay to exercise, surely its okay to drive to a park/cemetry/distant area to exercise. Likewise "go shopping but as little as possible" - this leaves it open for people to shop three times a week for bread and milk, as someone said on a previous thread. "As little as possible" is massively open to interpretation....oh I forgot to get a present for little Jony's birthday so I will go back tomorrow and get it". This is not helping. Thinking in "life or death" terms sounds dramatic but is a way of defining what is essential that does not allow for individual interpretation and foolhardiness.

You would be increasing the risks that all the keyworkers and their families face. Can you imagine going to work knowing you may be exposing your family to this virus? Even worse for the medics who are at increased risk to the rest of us keyworkers.

Every trip out for any reason increases the risks for those of us who have to go to work. Every single trip. Should our risk of being ill or dying increase for the sake of a bunch of flowers on a grave? Should our risk be increased because someone else thinks of a loophole? Should our risk be increased because someone thinks their reason is good enough and it only bends the rule slightly? No. It shouldn't.

Find another way to honour them. Light a candle and display their photo or something. I don't want to have to put flowers on a loved one's grave or have them bringing them to mine because you couldn't wait.

Please think about those of us who can't stay home and badly wish we could. I don't resent it so people's basic needs can be met but this is not a basic need.

Yes there is, because taking flowers to a graveside is not "exercise".

So what? OP would be outside, using her exercise time to visit a grave. What on earth difference does it make if it is not actually exercise?

If people put as much thought and energy into figuring out how to live their daily lives within the current parameters as they are putting into how to flout them we might stand a chance of cracking this. As things stand however ........... 🙄

@LittleRootie....I despair. Exercise time is for exercise which is beneficial for health as previous PPs have said.

What if I decided to use my "exercise time" to take a bus or train into town and have a look around just to see what is happening.

Its not the use of "exercise time", its the unecessary trip. People should exercise in their immediate vicinity. OP states she has enough fuel - but she would be using fuel on a non-essential journey hence would need to fill up sooner for essential journeys. There is knock on effect with this too.

@AlexaAmbidextra...exactly!! I'm astounded at how many people think their circumstances are special and more important than others. It makes me really angry and depressed in equal measure.

We need for it to rain as I went to care and support my son who lives in the next town and the kids on bikes or gathering and partners walking hand in hand and runners means that nothing has changed from yesterday. I saw my son and sorted him out. Then drove home and stayed in.

What if I decided to use my "exercise time" to take a bus or train into town and have a look around just to see what is happening.

But you know that isn't what the OP is doing so why say that? And now you're talking as if we're on petrol rationing which we aren't - just as you and others are accusing pp of tying themselves in knots to 'justify' a journey you're doing exactly the same trying to stamp on them.

You're getting yourself so angry and depressed over someone driving on a country road to a cemetary - what is the point? you really need to stop the pile-on and focus your energies more usefully.

Doggybiccys
I’m not missing the point at all, spectacularly or otherwise, I’m just discussing one particular aspect of the lockdown situation, that’s all.
Meanwhile, I haven’t made a single non-essential journey, or stockpiled anything, or tried to bend the government rules to suit myself, like many others on this thread who may have a slightly different view about some things. Simmer down.

The ranting and swearing by some posters is getting very wearing.

What do you think your relation would suggest if you were able to pose the question ‘Do I bend rules and possibly risk spreading and / or catching the virus in order to put flowers on a grave or do I stay at home and do everything in my power to give the nhs the best chance of saving extra lives’ . It’s a no brainer for me. Sorry for your loss but I’m certain your relation would put your safety and other lives before a bunch of flowers on a gravestone. Xx

What on earth difference does it make if it is not actually exercise?

The point is that they want people to go out as seldom as possible.

Some people who are accustomed to exercise will find their health suffers if they don't exercise, so for that reason exercise is allowed.

It's not an "outing time entitlement" that you can spend doing what you like. If you don't need to exercise, stay inside.

Similarly just because I decide to do a week's fasting doesn't mean I get to use my "food shopping time" for other leisure activities.

STAY AT HOME AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE!

What on earth difference does it make if it is not actually exercise?

Because the rules are that you can go out once a day for exercise. Putting flowers on a grave is not exercise. If everybody thought like you do then the streets would be full of being doing whatever they wanted because "what difference does it make if we don't follow the rules"

I paint and would love the opportunity to go and paint the Angel of the North when it has no people there. Does it matter if I go there and paint it because it doesn't make any difference if it's not exercise. Of course it fucking does - my wish to paint it is not anywhere close to the importance of people not getting sick.

What on earth difference does it make if it is not actually exercise?

Exercise has been permitted for a reason - the benefits to the nation of people being allowed to leave their homes within the set conditions (i.e. once per day, ALONE or with household members) outweigh the risks of completely banning it. Exercise is good for physical and mental health, and is good for your immune system. It covers people having to get out to walk their dogs. It covers parents who have children who also need exercise for their health and wellbeing. It's not a "daily outing allowance". The dead don't care if there aren't flowers on their graves in a punctual fashion, and if they were alive or did care, I'm pretty sure they'd be understanding of the current situation.

If this person was alive and not living with you (and not needing you to drop off food/medicine) would you be visiting them under current rules? If no then you shouldn't be visiting the grave IMHO

I paint and would love the opportunity to go and paint the Angel of the North when it has no people there. Does it matter if I go there and paint it because it doesn't make any difference if it's not exercise. Of course it fucking does

Would it require a long journey? Would it bring you into close contact with other people? If not, then of course you could go and spend some time alone painting because you would not present a risk of spreading the disease.

I realise that people are getting upset and really worried about this but others seem to be using it as an excuse to bully and that is not acceptable.

I've probably already said this but, people should direct their anger where it is appropriate - on people breaking the rules by gathering in groups, on people stockpiling which causes others to make more risky shopping trips and on people forcing their staff to come to work.

Sorry to hear this. I really wouldn’t recommend it as unfortunately you have no idea how many people might be there. Could you put some flowers in your living room instead I’m sure your relative would understand x

I say again:

There are 4 things you can leave the house for:
"Shop for essentials, as infrequently as possible

Exercise outdoors once per day, alone or with household members

Receive medical treatment or provide care

Travel to and from work, if it's impossible to work from home"

All of these should be, as a PP has said, while minimising the time outside the home (so not going 'the long way round' on the way back from the shops).

It has been made quite simple for us all. If it meets one of those 4 tests - we can do it. if it doesn't, we need to stay at home. There isn't a 'you can do other things if you think the risk is low' category - for a reason. Just stay at home. So no, you can't go painting. It doesn't meet the 4 rules. No you can't go to the cemetery. It doesn't meet the 4 rules. And repeat....

You really, really can't decide that YOUR activity is low risk, so it doesn't matter. If it doesn't meet the 4 rules, it doesn't meet them. Stay in your house.

It’s not essential. We are all going to have to make changes.