Is this acceptable during ‘lockdown’?

[GA2012]

I lost a close family member a little over a month ago. He is buried about 11 miles away in a quiet little church in the middle of nowhere. There’s never anyone there apart from services, weddings etc. I would like to visit his grave and put fresh flowers on.. I would visit at around 8-9am in the morning. I feel terrible that I haven’t managed to get up there for a couple weeks.

I’m aware we are told 15 minutes exercise a day.

Obviously we are isolating and not socialising with people but would it be acceptable to visit? It’s a 20 minute drive on rural roads . We’d literally just drive there, visit and come back. There’s never anyone there. It’s a church in the middle of nowhere with only a small hamlet up the road...

If we got there and there was people there we would come back another time..

There’s no rush hour in the countryside @crustycrab 🤣

Can you link to the government guidance that says you can make a non-essential trip if you want to?

You can keep chanting 'non-essential' but it doesn't alter the fact that the rules allow for people to go to an isolated place for 'exercise' (if the OP wants to use this time to pay respects there's no law against that either) and Gov spokespeople have said it is ok to drive to such a place.

This isn’t necessarily directed at you op but more a generalisation. I can’t believe that we’ve been told what to do and yet there are still people looking for ways to get out and go to places when they really shouldn’t be. I’d put visiting graves way down low on the list of reasons to break the guidelines, no offence but it’s a body in the ground, it’s not going anywhere and if you believe your family looks down etc then you don’t need to go to the grave to be with them.

Goverment spokespeople and police have said today that it is ok to drive to more isolated places

I think that will have to be stopped at some point. If everybody thinks it's OK to travel to isolated places, they're not going to be isolated any more are they?

t’s a 20 minute drive on rural roads

This is a risk. A risk that nobody NEEDS.

I'm sorry for your loss but I can't fathom why putting flowers on a grave is essential.

no offence but it’s a body in the ground

That is incredibly offensive

They are not wrong. It is completely acceptable under the rules, as has been clarified today.

Could you show us exactly where it says that it is ok to visit graves?

Just to add I will have to make a 12 mile trip just to visit a supermarket so not much difference. I know there won’t be anyone there. The grave yard is absolutely in the middle of nowhere you cannot walk it from anywhere..

I won’t go.. but I’ve been stuck in for 2 weeks as had tonsillitis (definitely not covid but isolated myself anyway) 😩

Feeling guilty that I haven’t been..

I don't see any issue with driving somewhere to have a walk.

I know half of mumsnet claim to live in the middle of nowhere but the reality is a lot of people live in concrete jungles in massively built up areas with lots of people. Despite their living situation these people are entitled to safely exercise too. And if that means driving a short way to do it then that's fine.

I know that many of the reasons people want to go out are important and very upsetting if they can't do them, but

essential = it supports someone's life. e.g. buying food, producing food, medical care, buying food for someone who can't go to a shop.

Anything other than that is not essential. If you can't explain in less than one sentence how you're supporting someone's life, your journey isn't essential.

You will use up petrol, and then have to refill your car. That means someone has to work at the garage, and someone has to get the petrol there, and several people have to work to fill the tanker that drives the petrol to the garage etc.

How is your journey supporting life to such an extent that it's worth those people dying for?

That's the only thing to consider when trying to decide if something is "essential".

I will need to visit the supermarket a mile or two away from the grave yard so probably will pop in When I go shopping.. if I’m in the area anyway

I got a full tank of diesel. Filled it up over 2 weeks ago and barely done 30 miles since. Won’t need to fill up for a while

Oh and if visiting graves aren't allowed can someone explain why the gates to our large and public cemetery haven't been locked? They were locked last night at the usual time and opened this morning at their usual time.

OP - you might well be well informed and well intentioned but you have no control over how other people behave once you reach a public space. You can try and maintain a safe distance etc but if someone less well informed is tending the grave beside yours or stands behind you in the florist, or packaged the flowers you buy, you run the risk of cross infection. Prevent this by staying home and honouring your family member safely.

I’m sorry for your loss but no it’s not essential so you shouldn’t go

Flowers on graves only benefit the living, not the loved one who has passed. So find a different way to remember them that doesn’t involved making non essential journeys at this time.

I’m sorry but no, not at this time. The sooner everyone gets through this the sooner hopefully we get out the other side. You wouldn’t want somebody else to have a relative to grieve. 💐 I’m very sorry for your loss.

I'd go with yes as long as you are not using public transport or coming into contact with others.

@WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo. Perhaps they are open for a burial later today or for essential maintenance or groundswork?

You have absolutely no need to feel guilty. x

Oh and if visiting graves aren't allowed can someone explain why the gates to our large and public cemetery haven't been locked?

Maybe it goes back to the idea that people will use their common sense.

A government minister on tv just said driving to a remote location to then do exercise is okay

This is correct. Various police forces have also given statements saying that they support people driving to exercise in less populated areas.

It’s not an essential trip. We’ve been told to stay in unless absolutely necessary because it will save lives.

Trying to find ‘loopholes’ in the govt advice by calling or ‘exercise’ or tagging something onto a shopping trip or whatever is really not on.

We all need to understand that ‘those people’ not doing as ‘they’ are told is US.

Lots of us doing little extra things, that individually shouldn’t matter but do because we all think we don’t count.

Some people are being such idiots over this.

It is guidance. Clearly they cannot anticipate every eventuality.

If you are outdoors and over 2 m from someone, you can neither get infected nor infect anyone else.

If you can find a way to be safe outdoors or need to visit a grave, just do it.

I was angry my MIL did this too. She is 86 with asthma. I'm in the shielded group and have been getting DH to deliver her shopping increasing our risk. She just popped to the supermarket for the flowers and had some lovely chats up at the cemetery, which apparently was very busy. FFS.

Some people are being such idiots over this.

Indeed they are.

'It doesn't say don't go to a grave'

FFS / do people need spoon fed every eventuality?