Is this acceptable during ‘lockdown’?

[GA2012]

I lost a close family member a little over a month ago. He is buried about 11 miles away in a quiet little church in the middle of nowhere. There’s never anyone there apart from services, weddings etc. I would like to visit his grave and put fresh flowers on.. I would visit at around 8-9am in the morning. I feel terrible that I haven’t managed to get up there for a couple weeks.

I’m aware we are told 15 minutes exercise a day.

Obviously we are isolating and not socialising with people but would it be acceptable to visit? It’s a 20 minute drive on rural roads . We’d literally just drive there, visit and come back. There’s never anyone there. It’s a church in the middle of nowhere with only a small hamlet up the road...

If we got there and there was people there we would come back another time..

Goverment spokespeople and police have said today that it is ok to drive to more isolated places

So sorry for your loss but this isn't an essential outing I'm afraid. There are thousands of people in the same situation so you're not alone. If you are pulled over by police or stopped on the way you can be fined.

Think of the people who are losing loved ones right now and can't even attend funerals. This is just a sacrifice we need to make for now. The sooner everyone stays inside and follows the rules the sooner this will all be over.

That journey is not a matter of life and death. Let’s do this together! Everyone can have a reason to go out and do something but this is about contacting the horrible virus.
I’m so sorry about your family member MTSRIP

Containing

Would your family member have insisted you put flowers on their grave if it meant risking your health and others? I'm sure they'd rather you kept yourself safe, OP, and used your bit of time outside each day somewhere nicer than a cemetary.

You can go out for essential things, physical and mental health and food basically. If we then added on all the other things that aren’t essential but are very important to people there would be a lot more of us out and about and the potential benefit of this lockdown to the entire country would be reduced.

There are many people (mostly elderly widows and widowers, although not exclusively) at our local church who don’t just go to mass once a week but every day, it’s their social life and a supportive community as well as providing spiritual solace. They all considered that essential but as of last Friday all services are cancelled for the foreseeable future.The priest at the final Mass encouraged us all to build a small shrine in our house with a holy picture or cross, flowers and a candle and to spend time praying in front of that instead of attending services. Could you do something similar OP - leave the flowers in front of a picture at home and speak to your loved one there? Wherever they are, I am sure they will know you are thinking of them and they wouldn’t want you to put yourself at any unnecessary risk.

I did the same with my mum yesterday - I've been staying with her as she's vulnerable and we went to put flowers on my dad's grave. We knew it would be empty as we've never seen anyone there in the last four years. This was before Boris spoke, though. I think in your situation I'd still go as long as you don't need to fill up with petrol or stop at a shop.

It's a no from me. I am in bits today as I can't visit my dying mom in her nursing home.

They have been amazing letting us visit over the last two weeks whilst they have been on self imposed lock down but now I can't and probably will never see her again

This is about getting in to a mindset as much as possible, so it becomes a habit. We don't go out. We keep ourselves and our germs to ourselves. It's really NOT about working out ways for it not to apply to you. For three weeks.

OP, I'm very sorry for your loss. My DF died four weeks ago today. I should be up there sorting out the family home, but I can't. I haven't even been able to collect his ashes. But it's only for three weeks.

Derbee
There might be a bit of confusion about who should be going to work as a ‘key worker’ but not can go out for non essential journeys FFS

There are grey areas though, and cases where some infrequent non-essential journeys are a lot less risky than journeys that fall within the guidelines- like mine. That’s a fact, unfortunately. I’m just pointing it out.

I'm really sorry for your loss, but it isn't considered an essential journey. Perhaps light a candle at home next to some flowers or a picture of your relative and remember them that way for the time being?

ultrablue
I’m really sorry to hear that

People who are saying it's ok to go are wrong. The thing is, as Worra Liberty says, it's the 'what if'. What if you broke down, what if you had an accident and stretched the emergency services even further? You are putting other people at risk by undertaking a non essential journey. It isn't just about keeping your distance.

I hope we rapidly move to the French system, where you have to carry a document with details of why you are travelling every time you go out. It will be the only way to stop people stretching the rules.

Quite shocked by all the responses and the misinformation. Funerals are still permitted. If this situation goes on for months then at some point people will go to graves. There are no masses of people that I've ever seen in a churchyard, no gatherings, I can't see how this is such a big issue.

Poor OP. How is driving to a remote spot to visit a grave any more risky than driving to a supermarket and shopping there? which we are allowed to do. They'll probably go near nobody at all - unlike the supermarket.

Of course it's acceptable. You will presumably be travelling alone in your car or with members of your household. It's very unlikely you will bump into someone within 2m of the grave. I do think sometimes people need to use common sense here!!

People who are saying it's ok to go are wrong

They are not wrong. It is completely acceptable under the rules, as has been clarified today.

Poor OP. How is driving to a remote spot to visit a grave any more risky than driving to a supermarket and shopping there? which we are allowed to do.

Every trip you make to do something non-essential, such as visiting a grave rather than waiting until it is safe to do so - is risky.

Going out to buy food is an essential trip. How can you not get that?

Ffs of course it's fine! It'll be your outing for the day end of. 'Exercise' is a rather loose word. If you don't want to go walking then go visit a grave. Its fine. And I don't seem to have seen any guidance saying a 3hr walk was a no go? Where would that come from?

They are not wrong. It is completely acceptable under the rules, as has been clarified today.

Can you link to the government guidance that says you can make a non-essential trip if you want to?

The thought of her grave not been attended to really upsets me.

Of course, it does. But is that more important than someone else's life?
Every single non-essential journey increases the potential transmission rate. Please don't go.

No-one on here can stop you but...what happens if you are in an accident or break down? These restrictions are to slow down the virus as well as trying to reduce the strain on resources. Be smart do something in your own home that has meaning.

It's very unlikely you will bump into someone within 2m of the grave.

How do you know it’s unlikely? I would have thought it was unlikely that after the PM advised people to stay at home, record numbers of people would go out for the day to the seaside. But still they did.

ultrablue

It is not an essential journey,so don't go.. 80 more people have now died in the Uk since yesterday, a total of more than 400 deaths here now.
Please follow the lock down rules.