Son's girlfriend staying for quarantine

[sickofcoronavirus]

NC for this because I think she knows I come on here...

My DS (27) moved back into the family home in January with the intention of saving the deposit for a house. We've not been charging him rent so he can dedicate as much as he can of his income to saving for said deposit not actually sure how much of it he's been saving but I digress

His girlfriend has been on and off the scene for about 2 years now. Being honest, I've never taken to her - there's been cheating going on on her part, various MH dramas (which are not her fault but haven't made for easy living)...she's just generally quite immature. I've never explained my feelings to this to DS but DH and I have discussed it previously and I know my other DS, who doesn't live with us full-time, feels similarly.

At this point I'd like to point out I am nothing but lovely to her, because at the end of the day, she is my son's girlfriend. Over the course of her various (re)appearances in our lives, we have previously fed, watered and even taken her on holiday at our own expense. Do I think they'll last? No. But that isn't really my business. For a bit of further context, Girlfriend lives on her own in a different, but commutable, area. Her own home life isn't great - never met the family but gather they're a bit of a handful.

Girlfriend came to stay with us on Sunday night which, if I'm being honest, I think was either cynical or stupid on her and DS' part. It was widely discussed a complete lockdown would be put in place in the coming days, so turning up at our house at all with just a couple of changes of clothes was silly of her. It doesn't help that DS2 is also currently staying at the moment, having ditched his houseshare for mum's cooking! So there are currently 5 of us under one roof, and we are slowly but surely running out of food. I think I'll have to venture out again on Thursday, which doesn't exactly fill me with joy.

AIBU to suggest that Girlfriend return home? We can afford to feed five people, but tbh, it will be a lot of money, which I would rather invest elsewhere. She is an adult woman who is well capable of looking after herself in her own home. And being brutal, I just don't like her. If I'm going to be stuck at home for 3 weeks, I could think of people I'd rather be with!

Oof, sorry that was a bit of a ramble..

Deffo tell her to go home, CF! You can return to your own home, that's allowed!

It's funny because on whither thread someone asked if son's GF who was cute currently with them should go to live with her aunt or stay with them and not then half the people said nooooooo, the journey was not essential, she should stay with the family of DS, and here is everyone doing the opposite.

Oh definitely get rid of her, this will go on for weeks. Your son will just have to decide whether he's on lockdown with your household or hers but it's one or the other.

not actually sure how much of it he's been saving but I digress.

This is where it begins. CF Girlfriend is following the example of your MO with your own children.

You have a financial arrangement with an adult to subsidise their accommodation & living expenses so that they can step up to a greater degree of fiscal independence... & you have no assurance that they are fulfilling their side of the ‘contract’???

Before ANYONE stays with you & costs you further time, money, space, & goodwill, I say that they show you the colour of their money or at least the balance on their savings account.

Your concerns about CF GF are but a deflection & avoidance of dealing with your own adult child.

Get that assurance TONIGHT, & set a charge for rent & bills that starts tomorrow morning.

If YOU have invited her to stay, she is YOUR guest & you absorb her costs. If he has invited her, explicitly or not, then she is his guest & he pays her way.

Other MNetters may strongly suggest or advise that you do it take any payment from her as they infers some form of legal status. Not my area of expertise.

she's just generally quite immature... lives on her own in a different, but commutable, area. She is an adult woman who is well capable of looking after herself in her own home

Does not sound immature, she sounds like a very strong capable young woman who is used to standing on her own two feet and making some great decisions that you do not necessarily agree with.

Your boomerang sons have returned to leach off of you.

Perhaps send your DS packing with his GF and he might learn a thing or two.

I don't think I'd want a non-family member staying for the duration of this malarkey, certainly not one I was a bit meh about.

Just text your son and ask to speak to him alone. If you talk to them both together for the first time he might feel like he has to say he will go with her, if you talk to him alone he has time to think of an out if he wants one. He can still blame you if he doesn't want to be the bad guy!!

This could go on for months. I'd send her home

^This absolutely. The girlfriend needs to go home, she isn't going to be alone at her home address. Why should you have her under your feet potentially for months? Your DS is free to go with her if he so wishes.

@H1ghC0r0na This is very valid actually.

Why did you allow someone who wasn’t a household resident to visit?

His girlfriend has been on and off the scene for about 2 years now

They are not inseparable, living together or engaged? Full-on pledged, work8mg & saving together to make a life & family together?

In that case, a three week space is not a massive challenge to the pattern of their relationship. You need for her to go home - he either stays put or goes with her.

Following the lead of our gracious monarch, you may keep the door open for him - but he will come back home into quarantine. If quarantine is not possible, then the choice is stark, he either stays home or he goes with her until this storm passes. His choice.

Both your children are adults. We are all having to make tough decisions about not being with people we love dearly.

It's in the news now that couples CAN'T stay at each others houses-it's family only.

It's in the news now that couples CAN'T stay at each others houses-it's family only.

If she was wanted, I don't see how it would make a difference as long as she stays there not flits back and forth, nor how it would ever be enforced. I doubt the police will be knocking at doors demanding to see proof that everyone is legally registered there.

Hurrah!

It's much easier to keep her at bay if she is working and using public transport. She would pose an active risk to everyone in your household.

Well yes, it's to stop the flitting, but is surely for the households to decide & not the couples?

OP you still need to have a gentle word both with cf girlfriend and son because she may think it's ok to visit or stay at your home on her days off during lockdown.

OP, I hope you managed to get the situation sorted.

She is quite a CF to arrive in your house and presume she could stay.

She sounds like a girl who's had a tough start in life and has mental health issues - living on her own on lockdown might send her into a downwards spiral.

Not OP's problem. And let's be honest, who wants a difficult mess to be their future DIL?

@sickofcoronavirus did you sort this out before everything ground to a halt?