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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son's girlfriend staying for quarantine

144 replies

sickofcoronavirus · 24/03/2020 12:22

NC for this because I think she knows I come on here...

My DS (27) moved back into the family home in January with the intention of saving the deposit for a house. We've not been charging him rent so he can dedicate as much as he can of his income to saving for said deposit not actually sure how much of it he's been saving but I digress

His girlfriend has been on and off the scene for about 2 years now. Being honest, I've never taken to her - there's been cheating going on on her part, various MH dramas (which are not her fault but haven't made for easy living)...she's just generally quite immature. I've never explained my feelings to this to DS but DH and I have discussed it previously and I know my other DS, who doesn't live with us full-time, feels similarly.

At this point I'd like to point out I am nothing but lovely to her, because at the end of the day, she is my son's girlfriend. Over the course of her various (re)appearances in our lives, we have previously fed, watered and even taken her on holiday at our own expense. Do I think they'll last? No. But that isn't really my business. For a bit of further context, Girlfriend lives on her own in a different, but commutable, area. Her own home life isn't great - never met the family but gather they're a bit of a handful.

Girlfriend came to stay with us on Sunday night which, if I'm being honest, I think was either cynical or stupid on her and DS' part. It was widely discussed a complete lockdown would be put in place in the coming days, so turning up at our house at all with just a couple of changes of clothes was silly of her. It doesn't help that DS2 is also currently staying at the moment, having ditched his houseshare for mum's cooking! So there are currently 5 of us under one roof, and we are slowly but surely running out of food. I think I'll have to venture out again on Thursday, which doesn't exactly fill me with joy.

AIBU to suggest that Girlfriend return home? We can afford to feed five people, but tbh, it will be a lot of money, which I would rather invest elsewhere. She is an adult woman who is well capable of looking after herself in her own home. And being brutal, I just don't like her. If I'm going to be stuck at home for 3 weeks, I could think of people I'd rather be with!

Oof, sorry that was a bit of a ramble..

OP posts:
Original poster
sickofcoronavirus · 24/03/2020 12:44

@herbie01 maybe an unpopular opinion on here but I am happy to feed, water and host my children for as long as they are here. I can well afford to (not intended to be a stealth boast) and I know they have enough challenges to face with the housing market nowadays. But no judgment if that isn't how it works in your house! Different for everyone. But GF is not blood and, being honest, not really a positive contributor to my life generally...

@BlueVeins should've clarified: she lives in a house share, so not necessarily alone. I meant alone in the sense that she doesn't live with her parents.

OP posts:
SeriouslyRetro · 24/03/2020 12:44

She doesn't need to be alone if that's what she's afraid of, th she boyfriend who she was intending to stay with can stay at hers. At their own expense. Like all the other grown ups are having to do.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 24/03/2020 12:46

This could last for months she should go home

SeriouslyRetro · 24/03/2020 12:47

They've basically decided it will be a lot more comfortable to be put up by you. And of course they're not wrong about that. The question is, is it more comfortable for you and your husband? Nope!

Are they home now? I think I'd say oh dear, best she get home asap now the lock down has been introduced, off they pop.

iheartislesofwight · 24/03/2020 12:48

she's a cf and needs to go home regardless, ds can go with her if need be.

diddl · 24/03/2020 12:50

Lockdown was announced hours ago-why is she still there?

adaline · 24/03/2020 12:54

She should have gone home yesterday as soon as Boris announced lockdown.

goodthanks · 24/03/2020 12:54

Can you have an open conversation with your DS about your concerns? Related to her staying for this period I mean, rather than about their relationship more generally.

SeriouslyRetro · 24/03/2020 12:54

The most important thing I think is that you raise it today and say there's no way she will spend the night. If shedoes, the precedent will be set and they'll feel justified in staying for the duration.

HugoSpritz · 24/03/2020 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noisehelp · 24/03/2020 12:56

It sounds like your son and this woman are both taking advantage of you. I think I'd send her home today and have a chat with your son about how much money he is saving and possibly charging rent in future when coronavirus is over.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 24/03/2020 12:57

why is your son not moving with her for the duration?

Beautiful3 · 24/03/2020 12:57

I would just say that foods running out, so best to drop her back today. Get your son to come shopping with you tomorrow.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 24/03/2020 12:58

She needs to go home - and your son needs to be told to ask before bringing people home to stay as it's not his long-term 'home' either. That's just rude.

Isadora2007 · 24/03/2020 12:59

Let them decide if they want to stay together but tell them it won’t be under your roof. Yanbu.

CalmdownJanet · 24/03/2020 12:59

This is going to go on a lot longer than 3 weeks, she needs to go today. The next few weeks are going to get more stressful, they will be stressful being so confined with people you love, throw someone you don't even like into the mix and it will be a nightmare

HiDuggee · 24/03/2020 13:00

I think she should follow the guidelines and go home ASAP. The guidelines are clear, the only reason to leave home is for essential food or medicine or go to work if she's a key worker. That's it, she needs to be in her own home at this time

SeriouslyRetro · 24/03/2020 13:00

My guess is he isn't welcome at the house share, which I can't really blame. I wouldn't want my house share to double overnight for a lockdown type scenario.

Be prepared for them to lay it on thick about how lonely she'll be, and how much better it will Be for them to have a shag and cooked dinners at your house!

wildcherries · 24/03/2020 13:04

This could go on for months. I'd send her home.

diddl · 24/03/2020 13:08

If she's in a house share, then I don't think that your son can just rock up tbh.

I'd be pretty pissed off with that.

Devlesko · 24/03/2020 13:09

Send her home, she'd be gone already in my home.
Your home isn't hers, whatever makes her/your ds think it is.

Original poster
sickofcoronavirus · 24/03/2020 13:10

Fully understand that it would be inappropriate for him to go to the house share. In my ideal world it would be me, DH and the boys here and her there. I hate confrontation though, I really need to grow a pair Sad

OP posts:
fedup21 · 24/03/2020 13:12

Completely agree she needs to go home!

OlaEliza · 24/03/2020 13:12

If he's not welcome in the house share, on what planet is this woman welcome in the op's home?

Poppi89 · 24/03/2020 13:12

I would tell her to go home but maybe word it like there is a full house and we don't want to get on top of each other/more risk of spreading the virus. I would also encourage your DS to go with her so they're not back and forth constantly.
Also it may make them realise that they don't actually want to be together anymore - 3 weeks in isolation will test many people's relationships.

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