Son's girlfriend staying for quarantine

[sickofcoronavirus]

NC for this because I think she knows I come on here...

My DS (27) moved back into the family home in January with the intention of saving the deposit for a house. We've not been charging him rent so he can dedicate as much as he can of his income to saving for said deposit not actually sure how much of it he's been saving but I digress

His girlfriend has been on and off the scene for about 2 years now. Being honest, I've never taken to her - there's been cheating going on on her part, various MH dramas (which are not her fault but haven't made for easy living)...she's just generally quite immature. I've never explained my feelings to this to DS but DH and I have discussed it previously and I know my other DS, who doesn't live with us full-time, feels similarly.

At this point I'd like to point out I am nothing but lovely to her, because at the end of the day, she is my son's girlfriend. Over the course of her various (re)appearances in our lives, we have previously fed, watered and even taken her on holiday at our own expense. Do I think they'll last? No. But that isn't really my business. For a bit of further context, Girlfriend lives on her own in a different, but commutable, area. Her own home life isn't great - never met the family but gather they're a bit of a handful.

Girlfriend came to stay with us on Sunday night which, if I'm being honest, I think was either cynical or stupid on her and DS' part. It was widely discussed a complete lockdown would be put in place in the coming days, so turning up at our house at all with just a couple of changes of clothes was silly of her. It doesn't help that DS2 is also currently staying at the moment, having ditched his houseshare for mum's cooking! So there are currently 5 of us under one roof, and we are slowly but surely running out of food. I think I'll have to venture out again on Thursday, which doesn't exactly fill me with joy.

AIBU to suggest that Girlfriend return home? We can afford to feed five people, but tbh, it will be a lot of money, which I would rather invest elsewhere. She is an adult woman who is well capable of looking after herself in her own home. And being brutal, I just don't like her. If I'm going to be stuck at home for 3 weeks, I could think of people I'd rather be with!

Oof, sorry that was a bit of a ramble..

She needs to go back home today before the total lockdown measures come in(which they probably will), or you could be stuck with her for months and that is not going to end well.

Send her home

Tell your DS she has to go and as she has her own place, if he feels strongly about wanting to be with her then he can go to and stay hers. This is no time to be taking in people who have perfectly good homes to go to.

Send her home!

Oh, she's in a house share. Oh well, tough.

Omg! People are taking this lock down very seriously!

How else are we supposed to take it?

I think it’s ridiculous that you don’t charge your son rent when he’s 27yo and has a job.

That's not your business, it's not what the OP asked opinions on and it's not what the thread is about.

If you aren't able to directly ask her to leave
(Which to be honest you are totally entitled to do)

, then you at least need to have a house meeting to lay down some ground rules and household jobs assigned to everyone. Whether you can afford it or not isn't the point, if she's mid twenties she should be offering to contribute out of politeness anyway.

So a clear 'you are all welcome here but will need to chip in with house work and food bills and also maintain house rules so everyone can get through this comfortably.'

Like it or lump it. You are not being unreasonable. And if your son or her want to take offense that is their issue.

I'd swap with you any day I'm stuck here with a 7 year old and 2 4 year olds and I only wish I could kick them out 😂😂

How else are we supposed to take it?

If the lockdown will allow me to leave my house and drive to school to provide childcare for lots of key workers, and doctors/nurses are allowed to drive to work and home again, I’m sure this girl will be allowed to return to her home, even during a lockdown!

@Redlocks30

That poster was shocked that people are taking the lockdown seriously. Not shocked that people are observing the rules, which is what you’re talking about.

Tell her firmly but kindly that she needs to go back home today. Give her a food parcel and a cheery wave.

I'd send her home. You will need to be firm and stay firm because I have a feeling that she is probably the sort of person to throw a strop/engineer a new MH crisis in order to get her own way.

Is she still there, op?

If so is, say to her 'it's time for you to leave'

Won't she have to go back for clothes etc?
If I had my own home I wouldn't dream of going for sleepovers at my boyfriends parents house.
Why would you when you can have your own space?

How old is she, BTW? The gf?

She has a home. Tell her to go live in it.

@managedmis Don't want to say exactly because it'll be quite outing, she is a couple of years younger than DS. Early-mid 20s.

@strawberry2017 I think she quite likes to our house and half the time she lives in DS' clothes anyway.

If you ask her to return home you may well alienate your son (although if you think you won't, then definitely just do that! Blame Boris or something if you feel the need to deflect the 'baddie' blame!).

Maybe an alternative would be to send them out with a shopping list (they pay) so that at least they are contributing (and out from under your feet for a minute). At the moment they're taking you for a ride, although if this situation is just how it's always been in your house, you might need to let them down a bit gently?! And probably think about how much you're doing for your son going forward, I mean rent free is one thing, but if you're doing his cooking and cleaning etc then isn't that a bit much? He'll never leave!

Well there's been some good news folks it is looking like her employer is going to consider her a key worker so she'll have to return home so she can carry on working (she doesn't work in our city, she works in her area). Not confirmed yet but fingers crossed 🤞

The instruction last week was to social distance. She should not have been in your home to start with.

The instruction now is to stay at home. Your house is not her home. Tell her these are unprecedented times and she needs to go now. This lock down is not going to be over in three weeks.It could go on for months.

(OP packages up leftovers of tea or something)...

"Here you go GF, this should help you until you can get out to the shops, I hope this lockdown doesn't last too long and you can come and see us again soon!" (OP ushers GF outside!)

:D

Are they aware there can't be flitting back and forward? Once she's left she won't be visiting for at least 3 weeks.

I wouldn't tell her to go. I would explain to my adult son that he can't invite people to stay for extended periods in my home without discussing it with you first. You are not happy so he will have to disinvite her. I don't understand why everyone is calling GF a CF it's the OPs son that is the CF. It is never going to work so she will have to go.

Tell her to fuck off home. If she was a nice person she wouldn't be imposing anyway and she clearly sounds vile, the cheating etc your son needs to take responsibility here as well.

i was ging to ask if she has to work and use that as an excuse-and then she cant come back and forwards because u dont want to risk corona