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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I don't matter

104 replies

Idontmattertoher · 23/03/2020 14:03

I'm not sure what I am asking for here but I think my IABU is AIBU to feel worthless?

I have direct payments that pay for 16 hours personal assistant help a week. I am housebound without their help, and we normally go out for 2 hours every 4th week.

I have a progressive neurological condition that has caused severe vision loss as well as other severe neuro issues.

My personal assistants are now ALL self isolating (2 weeks so far) and I can't get anyone to cover.

I haven't had a wash/shower for 16 days and am wearing the same clothes for those 16 days as I can't change them (been sleeping in them too). I can't cook or do something as simple as spread butter on toast so my diet consists of apples, salad, dry bread dipped. in jam and cereals. I can't use cooker or microwave

The company providing my personal assistants have left me high and dry, and, despite knowing I'm registered blind and struggle with my neurological symptoms have said it's up to me to find cover.

I feel so worthless.

I'm sorry. I know there is nothing you can do to help but it's making me sad to the point that if I thought I was having a heart attack I wouldn't ask for help hoping I would die and get out of this mental hell. Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontmattertoher · 23/03/2020 14:04

Sorry I, didn't realise there was a voting thing

OP posts:
littleblackno · 23/03/2020 14:07

Phone your local adult social care team and make them aware. The agency should have already been raising that they had an issue covering.
Unfortunately we are looking at dealing with clients where we can prevent hospital admissions and it may be a reduced service but you do matter and it's not acceptable for the agency to leave you in this situation.

Thehop · 23/03/2020 14:07

Jesus that’s horrendous.

Can you call 111 or your GP and ask how to be out on a register for home help visits?

Where do you live? Someone may know someone

2lovelylittlegirls · 23/03/2020 14:09

This is so so sad op you are not alone. What area are you if i can help i will. Or even just talking on here should help you a little. Please keep talking to us xxxxxxxxx

mollibu · 23/03/2020 14:11

This is awful.

What area (roughly) are you in, OP? Maybe we can get you some help with the power of moment.

Wotawally · 23/03/2020 14:35

I am south Yorkshire. I keep wondering if others like me are being told to find their own PA REPLACEMENTS I just can't stop crying. My clothes feel awful after so long and also I can't change bedclothes

Thank you for reading and helping

Sparklfairy · 23/03/2020 14:41

OP this is awful. Are you on/can you join a local FB group for your town and post what you've posted here? I'm way down south but I know our community page members would really step up in this situation.

StrongMama1989 · 23/03/2020 14:42

Jesus this is horrible. If I lived near you I would help you in a heart beat Angry how terrible. Can you get on Facebook? I don’t personally use it but I know there’s help groups set up for people who need help. I would try that xx

lentenwonder · 23/03/2020 14:47

What a shockingly awful company - I’m amazed that your carer themselves didn’t help you set something up and also wonder if they’ve been this awful to the other people employing them too.

You do need to phone adult social care, someone needs to help you and also look into the other clients of this awful company.

I’m so sorry @Idontmattertoher it shouldn’t have happened. I’d feel worthless if I’d been in the same clothes and without proper food for 16 days.

Leaannb · 23/03/2020 14:48

@Wotawally....I know that our state has told us to tell clients to get their emergency care team together just in case. Luckily it hasn't been needed. I wish I could help you. Gentle internet hugs from across the pond

NoFucksImAQueen · 23/03/2020 15:04

Where are you op? I'm a student nurse who did care work before that and if you are anywhere near me (nottingham) I would help you, cook some food, do some washing and help you get a shower etc. I feel so sad to think of you all alone

EmeraldShamrock · 23/03/2020 15:08

I'm sorry I'm not closer to you. ❤ if you don't get offers here would you be happy someone start a thread for posters in south Yorkshire to help.

Windyatthebeach · 23/03/2020 15:11

County Durham if i can be any help... Still working as a cleaner. Nobody at home has any symptoms.. Stink of bleach and hands red raw but self employed and people want me still. Houses are empty that I go to though.

DianaT1969 · 23/03/2020 15:15

You are not worthless OP. 💐💐Wishing you strength to get through it. I'm in London, but hope someone nearby will be able to help.

JasonBrun · 23/03/2020 15:19

I'm so sorry you've been left like this. You do matter Flowers

ArriettyJones · 23/03/2020 15:21

You are absolutely not worthless. You are being very badly let down and deserve so much better. Flowers

thatgingergirl · 23/03/2020 15:24

I am so sorry OP - I hope pp's suggestions are helpful.

Wotawally · 23/03/2020 16:16

Thank you all for replying. I have taken some of the advice and called my GP and social services (who originally sorted my direct payments).my GP couldn't help apart from offer an appointment to talk about it, and I wouldn't want to waste his appointments slot as I can't get there. The duty social worker has said I absolutely should not have been put in this position and is trying to find alternative help.

The feeling of isolation is awful. I have no local family or friends who can help.

Juat curious as to how those who chose that IABU would have done different? Please, genuinely, tell me why I am being unreasonable so I can look at my behaviour or situation to have stopped this happening. Thank you.

SinkGirl · 23/03/2020 16:19

Please ignore the votes, I expect the wrong button was pressed in error - of course YANBU.

I hope SC can help you very soon. This is just not okay.

Wotawally · 23/03/2020 16:21

To Emwereld shamrock. A Yorkshire Post could be very useful, thank you.

HibiscusCotton · 23/03/2020 16:21

You do matter. Anyone would feel like you do, and don’t be told otherwise.

My sister has significant MH issues, not local and she’s also in a bad place. I’m scared the virus won’t be the thing that kills her, it’ll be her MH. Right now I can pop by a bit, but I’m worried about lockdown. I can’t move her in as she’s a massive safeguarding risk to my kids.

It’s all a horrible mess and the most vulnerable are suffering. I hope the social worker helps, keep posting for human contact. We all need it xxx

SeriouslyRetro · 23/03/2020 16:26

Thinking of you op, you do matter!

Hopefully the on call social worker can set up an emergency care package for you that will mean your daily needs are being taken met.

How are you doing for supplies?

AbsentmindedWoman · 23/03/2020 17:03

Chiming in to agree with everyone - you do matter! You are NOT worthless.

I am so sorry you have been let down like this. It is really fucking shit. I have different medical issues that make me vulnerable in a bunch of different ways with this pandemic, so I understand a bit - this is a really scary time for a lot of us. Sending unMNetty hugs.

Jellybean27 · 23/03/2020 17:07

Please update when you can! Thinking of you, really hope you get something sorted 🤍

ColourMeExhausted · 23/03/2020 17:09

This is so very upsetting OP and it should not be happening! Yes call social work, 111, tell them how dire things are, they have a duty to provide support and help. If I lived in your area I'd be volunteering to come over myself. Of course you matter. Do you have friends or neighbours who could help in anyway?