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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I don't matter

104 replies

Idontmattertoher · 23/03/2020 14:03

I'm not sure what I am asking for here but I think my IABU is AIBU to feel worthless?

I have direct payments that pay for 16 hours personal assistant help a week. I am housebound without their help, and we normally go out for 2 hours every 4th week.

I have a progressive neurological condition that has caused severe vision loss as well as other severe neuro issues.

My personal assistants are now ALL self isolating (2 weeks so far) and I can't get anyone to cover.

I haven't had a wash/shower for 16 days and am wearing the same clothes for those 16 days as I can't change them (been sleeping in them too). I can't cook or do something as simple as spread butter on toast so my diet consists of apples, salad, dry bread dipped. in jam and cereals. I can't use cooker or microwave

The company providing my personal assistants have left me high and dry, and, despite knowing I'm registered blind and struggle with my neurological symptoms have said it's up to me to find cover.

I feel so worthless.

I'm sorry. I know there is nothing you can do to help but it's making me sad to the point that if I thought I was having a heart attack I wouldn't ask for help hoping I would die and get out of this mental hell. Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Beketaten · 25/03/2020 01:11

I'm glad you posted again and there are some leads to get you help. You matter, you are loved, you have been let down but you deserve to have your needs met. I hope you get a good rest and get good news in the morning.

jayritchie · 25/03/2020 01:40

Please keep posting. Could you post on nextdoor.co.uk - or let people here know which town and constituency you are in so there is some opportunity to escalate the issues?

ClientQueen · 25/03/2020 01:56

Please don't feel ashamed. I worked as a carer and if you had knocked on my door I would help you wash/dress and get you food sorted. I imagine the majority of people would. Is there any you feel able to ask?
Speak to one of your children, I would want to know even if they can just do the phone calls etc for you

CuppaZa · 25/03/2020 02:10

Please do keep coming back OP. There are lots of people here that will help you in a heartbeat.
You have been treated appallingly - I am furious and disgusted on your behalf. You are worth so much. Please don’t let the appalling way you have been treated define you. If I was anywhere near you I’d be with you in a shot.
Keep coming back for advice, or any practical help.
I am flabbergasted that you have been left. I am so angry for you.
Social services need to have a care plan in place and they need to be adhering to it. Can anyone else call and raise the alarm that you are trapped and alone? Take care

midwestspring · 25/03/2020 02:12

Jeez OP this isn't okay.
Please contact adult social care in your area.
Please talk to your family about this.

ALongHardWinter · 25/03/2020 02:23

Your poor poor thing OP. My heart goes out to you. Please don't worry about the very small minority who apparently think YABU.As previous posters have said,it was probably done by mistake,or they misunderstood. I am pretty certain (going on my previous 7 years experience on MN) that if there was anyone who had DELIBERATLY voted YABU,they would have been quick enough off the mark to come on here and tell you exactly why they thought YWBU.

SunshinenSparkles · 25/03/2020 02:27

This is disgraceful! Nobody deserves to be left like this OP, you deserve the same love and care as everyone. Sadly, I feel that this crisis is bringing out true colours :(

Please OP, do not feel ashamed. Every one of us in your situation would be just as dishevelled and I'm sure your neighbours will show you the compassion and humanity that you deserve.

Please reach out, don't sit there and suffer. Love to you x

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 25/03/2020 06:15

There are people out there who want to help. I have teachers in the NEU Facebook group in your area who will come and help or find someone who can. Please dm me your info and I can pass it on. I will happily send you a pic of my school I'd if it helps.

lovemelongtime · 25/03/2020 07:46

Please reach out to your children, imagine how they would feel if they could read this? Even if they can just help you get alternative arrangements in place. So sorry that you are going through this.

MurrayTheMonk · 25/03/2020 07:49

Where in South York's are you? I can help you find your MP...

MurrayTheMonk · 25/03/2020 07:50

Did you keep on at social services? You must keep ringing them!!
Sorry not nagging but have been thinking of you since your first post, and really want to help get you sorted!

MurrayTheMonk · 25/03/2020 07:52

I've got a void room in my service at the moment. I wish we were nearer so I could get you in there and looked after until this bloody thing blows over...Sad

Krazykitty · 25/03/2020 08:06

Hi OP, I just want to let you know I’m thinking of you too 💐 Of course you matter and it’s disgusting how you’ve been left to fend for yourself.

I’m sorry I can’t help as I’m down south but you’ve been given some great advice on here.

You really do sound like such a lovely and caring person and someone like you is vital to this world. Please keep us updated and I am thinking of you.

DappledThings · 25/03/2020 08:52

I just wanted to say OP that I think, and hope, that people who have voted YABU have said that only in response to you saying you are worthless. So it's a somewhat clumsy attempt to say you are absolutely not worthless and that they also sincerely hope you get help soon. Nobody could possibly think you have behaved in any way unreasonably.

I really hope things get better for you soon.

FizzAfterSix · 25/03/2020 11:50

Next door.com is an easy site to use; I’ve just signed up as a person able to help - they have a map so you can find a volunteer closest to you. Good luck.

jayritchie · 25/03/2020 21:03

Hi OP

How are you getting on?

willowflower19 · 25/03/2020 21:42

Did you get something sorted?
I'm a teacher in Yorkshire- please feel free to PM me if you still need help. Don't worry about feeling embarrassed or putting anyone out- I'd far rather know that you're okay.

CuppaZa · 25/03/2020 21:45

Hi OP, are you ok? X

Yogawoogie · 25/03/2020 21:47

I’m glad you’ve posted again op.
Please tell your children! They will want to know.

BBCONEANDTWO · 25/03/2020 21:47

I cried when I read your post - of course you matter. Have you any more updates - I beg you to reach out to your children. Even if they can't come to see you - they would be able to get in touch with someone in your area who could help - this is so distressing to think this is happening to you.

Please get back to us and give an update - big hugs and prayers to you

Original poster
Idontmattertoher · 26/03/2020 22:16

Gosh, I. Am so surprised to see how many people care about me. I'm in tears, but good ones I think.

I hadn't realised how poorly I was getting with not eating and not sleeping. I had managed to find a form to email my MP about my food situation. Within an hour somekne from the labour party office came, got a shopping list and went to get essentials for me. Thank you to the kind people suggesting I contact them.

I ended up passing out/fainting with not eating properly so I feel a bit sore and stiff now,but not hungry.

One of my personal assistants is back at work today, so so relieved but she thought the company had arranged cover and she was so.ulaet when she saw me as I've lost a lot of weight.

Somekne mentioned about their sister having a bad time and worries that it would more likely be her MH that kills her - that really struck a chord with me. Because if that message, and seeing how worried you are, u called all my children today to let them know I'm doing OK, but I also told them what has happened. I now realised I should have talked to them. They have set up a chat so they can check with each other too if they are worried or can't get in touch. I have had the most amazing messages from them that made me realise how much the love me. So, thank you for people who said I should contact them.

I finally had help to get showered and hair wash, it was almost 3 weeks without changing clothes too, sleeping in them.

I have a clean clothes, my bed has been made and I have had hot food today for the first time since March 1st.

I still feel worn out and wiby, but. I feel uplifted by the help you have given me.

Thank you, for making me feel I was worth clean kthes, food and showering - I felt so low... Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

post edited by MNHQ

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontmattertoher · 26/03/2020 22:20

I'm sorry about the spelling mistakes. I use a speech to text program, NVDA, but when I'm tired I don't speak clear enough, hence the mistakes.

OP posts:
goldenorbspider · 26/03/2020 22:20

Op I'm soo glad you're feeling better. I can't help but feel angry with your care company. I dread to think what else has slipped under the radar. Please get in touch with social services x

Musicalmistress · 26/03/2020 22:24

Oh my poor love! Whilst I’m delighted you have finally got some of the care you need you have been incredibly let down by those who have a responsibility to you. Please don’t ever be worried about knocking on a neighbours door - if you were my neighbour I would do all I could to help & would continue to check in on you. 💐

BigChocFrenzy · 26/03/2020 22:31

Oh god, I'm so glad you finally have help
but that's horrendous Sad

What a dreadful experience for you
and what disgusting abandonment of responsibility by the company
Utter bastards