Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To feel like I don't matter

104 replies

Idontmattertoher · 23/03/2020 14:03

I'm not sure what I am asking for here but I think my IABU is AIBU to feel worthless?

I have direct payments that pay for 16 hours personal assistant help a week. I am housebound without their help, and we normally go out for 2 hours every 4th week.

I have a progressive neurological condition that has caused severe vision loss as well as other severe neuro issues.

My personal assistants are now ALL self isolating (2 weeks so far) and I can't get anyone to cover.

I haven't had a wash/shower for 16 days and am wearing the same clothes for those 16 days as I can't change them (been sleeping in them too). I can't cook or do something as simple as spread butter on toast so my diet consists of apples, salad, dry bread dipped. in jam and cereals. I can't use cooker or microwave

The company providing my personal assistants have left me high and dry, and, despite knowing I'm registered blind and struggle with my neurological symptoms have said it's up to me to find cover.

I feel so worthless.

I'm sorry. I know there is nothing you can do to help but it's making me sad to the point that if I thought I was having a heart attack I wouldn't ask for help hoping I would die and get out of this mental hell. Thank you for reading.

OP posts:

Rebellenny · 26/03/2020 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigChocFrenzy · 26/03/2020 22:33

"hot food today for the first time since March 1st."

You are worth so much more than this 💐

Rebellenny · 26/03/2020 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiniatureRed · 26/03/2020 22:40

OP, your update has made me really happy. So glad you're clean, fed and have let your children know your reality. Thank goodness for your MP acting so quickly.

What I will say though is that if any neighbour knocked on my door needing help I'd do it in a heartbeat- I hope you never feel so alone again and in future you will consider doing it.

For now, keep this thread going. Know there are strangers who care what happens to you. This won't last forever and life will return to some normality- it's so cruel that you have to fight so hard to survive right now, but it WILL end. Take care.

MKUltrachic · 26/03/2020 23:27

I’m so sorry. I’ve been reliant on carers (MS) and it’s terrifying to feel so helpless sometimes

Legoandloldolls · 26/03/2020 23:42

Oh gosh OP this is totally unacceptable. Hopefully now your carer is back and wasnt aware she wasnt being covered, she can try to help you make sure this never happens again.

I'm glad your being looked after now. Of course your not worthless. You are worth so much more than you have been given in the last three weeks. I cant imagine how hard that must have been.

Big un MN hugs to you

HarrietThePi · 26/03/2020 23:51

Hey op I was just thinking about you and came to find your thread. I'm so relieved to see your last update. I hope that you are doing ok.

shivermetimbers77 · 26/03/2020 23:55

I am so pleased that you have been cared for and also that you made contact with your children.

CuppaZa · 27/03/2020 00:03

Thank you for the update, I’ve been thinking about you every day since you started this post. You wouldn’t have gone through what you did x

Voodoocowgirl · 27/03/2020 00:47

It brought tears to my eyes seeing your update @Idontmattertoher.
I'm a social worker and manager for a disability service provider, I'm still at work every day coordinating services for people in similar positions to you, and I will continue to do so until it's no longer feasible.

We are down to skeleton staff at present, so it's literally myself and one other manager ensuring that our Clients are being supported, have food, essential medicines and direct support. I've been on call for a week straight, with very little sleep, fielding calls and messages through the night and providing emergency supports with the staff members we still have available to us.

When we call to check in on our Clients, I always encourage them to make use of any informal supports they have available to them: family members, friends, neighbours. We have encouraged them to exchange information and stay in regular contact with people to ensure everyone's safety because, although we are working around the clock to ensure continuity of supports, we are working against the odds, and sometimes a neighbour or family member is much better-placed to check in on vulnerable people in a practical sense.

I'm so glad you have reached out to your family, and that you have had a proper meal, fresh clothing and personal care. Please remember that although the system failed you badly, you are in a position now to advocate for others and make your voice heard loud and clear in the hope that this never happens to you or another vulnerable person.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you.

jayritchie · 27/03/2020 00:56

So glad to hear you were able to get some help. I was thinking about you all day. Do you have plenty of food and other provisions?

Beketaten · 27/03/2020 01:27

Oh OP, I'm so glad you've had some help at last and are feeling better. Please reach out sooner if anything like this happens again. I'm glad your children are organising ways to stay in touch. Lots of love to you, enjoy a good night's sleep in your clean bedding!

HauntedHats · 27/03/2020 01:28

I'm so sorry to read of your horrendous predicament but glad help has arrived

midwestspring · 27/03/2020 02:03

So glad you got help.
I hope your family complain to social services about the care provider ( saying this as a social worker, they need to know)

Myshitisreal · 27/03/2020 02:19

Goodness me. So glad you got help xx

Oilyoilyoilgob · 27/03/2020 03:49

In tears reading this. Op I’m so happy to see you finally got help in, and wishing you a restful, peaceful night in your clean bedding. I hope your pets are ok too 😊
So pleased you’ve made your kids aware, and I’d definitely keep up with social care/your mp to make sure you’re not missing out on valuable help as well as your Carers coming in daily.

TKAAHUARTG · 27/03/2020 03:58

Please talk to your kids. I live overseas and sometimes feel a bit useless to my elderly mother, but I am the ferocious one so I am good at calling agencies/healthcare etc and getting help. So even if your kids are far away/isolating they can still do some of the groundwork. This is unacceptable. I hope you get some help soon.

binkyblinky · 27/03/2020 06:05

Oh, god bless you. I would be round in a heartbeat 😢

eaglejulesk · 27/03/2020 06:37

I'm so pleased that you have finally got some help, and am happy to hear you are feeling better. It is unacceptable that you were overlooked by the system and I sincerely hope processes are put in place for this to never happen again, to you or to anyone else. Take care

Wynston · 27/03/2020 06:41

for you op.....you do matter of course you do.....thank godness you have someone that came in.
Take care

FreshHorizons · 27/03/2020 06:43

I am so glad that you got help OP- I was reading your story with horror.

MurrayTheMonk · 27/03/2020 06:43

Oh brilliant! So glad you got some help!!

Krazykitty · 27/03/2020 07:40

I’m so pleased you managed to get the help you so much deserve and so glad you spoke to your children.

You’re wonderful and definitely matter. Keep in touch won’t you? As we all care 💐

maddening · 27/03/2020 08:18

Try a covid Facebook page for your area, I am sure that you will find local people to help, communities are genuinely coming together for this.

Which county are you in?

maddening · 27/03/2020 08:22

Ah so glad you found help, if you need help again just shout, there are more kind people than not I believe xx

Take care xx

Flip

1 2 3 4 5