To feel like I don't matter

[Idontmattertoher]

I'm not sure what I am asking for here but I think my IABU is AIBU to feel worthless?

I have direct payments that pay for 16 hours personal assistant help a week. I am housebound without their help, and we normally go out for 2 hours every 4th week.

I have a progressive neurological condition that has caused severe vision loss as well as other severe neuro issues.

My personal assistants are now ALL self isolating (2 weeks so far) and I can't get anyone to cover.

I haven't had a wash/shower for 16 days and am wearing the same clothes for those 16 days as I can't change them (been sleeping in them too). I can't cook or do something as simple as spread butter on toast so my diet consists of apples, salad, dry bread dipped. in jam and cereals. I can't use cooker or microwave

The company providing my personal assistants have left me high and dry, and, despite knowing I'm registered blind and struggle with my neurological symptoms have said it's up to me to find cover.

I feel so worthless.

I'm sorry. I know there is nothing you can do to help but it's making me sad to the point that if I thought I was having a heart attack I wouldn't ask for help hoping I would die and get out of this mental hell. Thank you for reading.

this is horrendous OP. I hope they can sort something out for you quickly. I would suggest we try to find someone on here local to you that would be willing to pop in and help to tide you over but I know you're in an extremely vulnerable position and its probably not the best idea.

Hi,, I know. I would feel 100 times better if I could have help with a wash or shower and a change of clothes.. my social worker hasn't called me back yet. I left a rather tearful message on the duty social workers answerphone. I can't seem to stop crying but that makes me worse. On 2018 there is no way I would wear same clothes twice let alone now slept on them for 17 nights by tonight I must smell awful which is distressing. ThanK you for answering, it really does make a differencem

SERIOUSLY RETRO - supplies.are definitely very low but I'm more worried about my pets as they can't understand. I fot coeliac disease (and am truly not bothered about being recognised here) and concerned about some really nasty comkcatjons from that. I have enough for a couple of days so am stretching it out as mich as I Can.

I don't get why 4% say. I'm unreasonable. I am finding my situation awful and I don't know how to make it better. It's not like when I lost my vision recently (2018) I signed a pledge to be happy every day of the rest of my life. I am really struggling now with practically and emotionally and don't know how to help myself. I had to done really well with mobility trainkng but has a health set back on on that.
Shopping is always a bit more difficult because if the coeliac disease so if I could find somekne to hell shop its hard explaining.

None of my children live locally (2 abroad) and the UK based one isn't in a position to to help.i have never felt so sad or so alone.

Oh you poor, poor love!
This is a terrible situation and absolutely not your fault. You've been let down.
When did you call the social worker?
I'm the opposite end of the country otherwise I'd absolutely come and help you.
You've made the first step by coming on here though. There's lots of support here and at the very least you won't feel so alone.
Hopefully tomorrow someone will come along with some knowledge that can help. It's not something I have any knowledge of but if we can keep your posts in active conversations then someone will see it.
Try and get some sleep ❤️

Handholding OP. I’m glad you left a message for the social worker, fingers crossed they ring you ASAP.

This is beyond shocking. I wish I was nearer to help. Is there a charity that specializes in your condition, they might have resources for support? Or even a church or community group? Is there a local newspaper you could go to- a bit of bad publicity might put the boot up some backsides and get you the help you need. Can your children help by making phonecalls, chasing up social work etc, rven if they are far away?

You must keep on at social services.... every hour if you have to until help is sent. They are legally responsible for every vulnerable
Adult in their geographical area. Even those that pay for care privately if it breaks down.

And I'd also be on the phone to whoever your MP is... the care company had a duty of care to make sure you are ok and they have failed.

I'd also be emailing CQC to report them.

Tbh at this pint is also be on to your local radio stations etc as well, naming and shaming!

I'm so sorry you've been left like this OP. In fact I'm raging for you. I'm a care manager (sadly not near you) and I would never allow anyone we look after to be left for over two weeks-we've been running on a skeleton staff this week-it's been awful-but we haven't stopped until everyone is accounted for. That's what decent social care teams-and decent human beings-do.

Op are you near Doncaster? I have posted this in my teachers group and there are people in that area that could help or get help?

Op if you can dm me I can get you in touch with teachers near you who would be willing to help. I am a teacher too although I know you have to trust me on that.

Any luck OP. I was thinking about you last night I hope you get help soon.

Have you heard from the social workers yet?

So sorry OP, your situation sounds distressing.
Don’t worry about the voting button: it’s easy for people to press the wrong one/clumsy fingers, and there’s no way to redress this.
I’m in London and our NextDoor.com site is full of people wanting to help those such as yourself.
I think this is the best site as those that sign up are generally neighbourly types who like to help.
If you look it up you will find one active in your area.
I’m in London otherwise would offer. Wish I could be a bit useful.
Good luck.

Bit worried that it's been a while since OP last posted...

I've only just seen this OP, I'm so sorry you've been let down so badly. I didn't catch of you have said where you are but if you or anyone else in the same situation is near me (North Midlands so Stafford/Stoke/Wolverhampton) I would be delighted to help. I'm an NHS student and work part time as a carer so I have full enhanced DBS and experience, please PM me if I can help

Sorry just seen the updates under the different name, I may still be able to help depending on how south in Yorkshire you are. I'm happy to drive a fair distance under the circumstances, it's absolutely unacceptable that you can't wash or change

Aw OP, lots of helpful advice already, I just wanted to give you a virtual hug and tell you that you absolutely do matter and you're not worthless.

Can I just say that if you do press the wrong voting button, you just have to press the correct one to change your vote.

Hello OP. How are you doing now? Have you managed to source any help? I truly hope so.

Your posts have left me upset and angry on your behalf. I know that you're feeling incredibly down (I have mobility issues and am housebound a lot) but please please don't feel worthless. Disabled people are often forgotten about but, in this current crisis, we can't let this happen.

If nothing has changed by morning, I can only think to call your MP's office or even your local radio station or newspaper. There will be so many people wanting to help. I'm thinking of you, too.

@Fuckbrexit You're very kind. I hope the OP got help today.

I'm so sorry. Who is your MP? This is a shocker and I hope you get help soon.

Thinking of you OP. You are important and do matter. I’m so sorry you’re in this position if I was local I’d come and help you myself.

That’s awful! @Idontmattertoher you do matter! Very much so! I can’t imagine how distressed you must be.

You do matter op, and the way your care company have treated you is wrong

Thank you. You have all being so kind, and caring. I'm sorry if this is long. I don't expect anyone to read it, I think it's helping a little bit getting it off my chest.

I called my direct payments company again today but all they keep doing is sending me information for employers, how to look after employees

I was in tears trying to explain that I'm not getting direct payments because I want to be an employer, its because I genuinely cannot manage with even simple daily tasks. I would love to be able to manage all by myself.

I'm feeling so dirty because I cannot get washed and changed. I.almoat knocked on a neighbours door for help today but couldn't as I feel so ashamed.

I hadn't really appreciated before how much 'Internet strangers' could actual make a difference. I would love to reply to you all, but I'm lost already. Please don't think that if I don't mention your name that you haven't helped me, because you have.

Thank you for suggesting my MP. I hadn't thought about that so am going to find the contact details when I've done here, thank you

I deliberately haven't told my children as none of them are anywhere near close enough to help and that last thing they need, or I want, is them feeling guilty. All 3 have phoned me but I kept as cheerful as I could but now I wish I had told kne of them.

If, by the mornjng, I haven't been able to find heko I need fuckbrexit could. I pm. To ask if you can help with my MP please?

I never thought I'd see the day (ha! Terrible pun there) where I would be so unable to help myself.

I really want to go to sleep and not wake up and because I know I can't do that to my children I need to stay awake until mornjng.

Thank you. You have all helped me far more than yiu could believe possible.

I think I had a name change fail too, sorry, I hope I didn't confuse you.

Fuck brexit thank you, you are so kind and compassion, its made me tearful but in a nicer way, thank goj.

I realised which name I put for my name. Change fail and I couldn't have used a better one, what a wally indeed!

That is shocking OP, I feel so sorry for you. No advice, sorry, as I am not in the UK, but I just wanted to let you know people are thinking of you, and you most certainly do matter. I hope you get something sorted out, and soon