To be upset that DH has done nothing for Mother’s Day?

[YakkityYakYakYak]

DD is 9 months old so this is my first Mother’s Day. I know we all have bigger things to worry about at the moment but I can’t help feeling hurt that DH has made zero effort; he hasn’t even wished me happy mothers day.

I understand him not being able to get out to the shops and wouldn’t want him to go out especially. I don’t want extravagant gifts or anything but just hoped for any kind of gesture to show me I’m appreciated. There are loads of things you can do without leaving the house - order flowers to be delivered, make a card, breakfast in bed, etc.

This year, I’ve organised a card and flowers to be sent to DM but won’t be seeing her for obvious reasons. And last year at 40 weeks pregnant I managed to organise a card and gift for DH. It’s not impossible!

I’ve just told him that in lieu of a gift, he can clean the house and look after DD for the day, and I’ll be lying in the bath relaxing for the next few hours.

'poor husband's' give over. Breakfast in bed and a card is hardly difficult. It just screams laziness.
It's not school or pre-school's job to teach your children this!

My DH died when the kids were babies. My neighbour and a friend independently stepped up for Mother’s Day, and I found two lots of flowers and presents on my doorstep when I got up - with cards claiming to be from my babies!
It continued until the kids were old enough to make cards themselves, with help from the nanny and then their primary school teacher.
If a thoughtful neighbour is capable of this level of kindness, I think it’s pretty shabby of OP’s DH to be too idle to bother. And it speaks volumes about the lack of consideration he has for his wife.

westenddweller why on earth would you expect more of school than from your husband?! Is he that useless?!

I didn't even get a happy mother's day from my partner or child. I really don't care. More concerned about family who could get seriously I'll with this virus.

I'm so glad you posted this OP. My husband also forgot - our son is 7 months. I thought I was overreacting to feel a bit upset (not just because of the virus, but because we're in the US which has its own Mother's Day), but my expectations were high. He booked tomorrow off work so I thought he was planning a weekend away - obviously that wasn't going to happen in the circumstances but I thought it was at least on his radar. I even reminded him on Friday.

In the event, absolutely nothing. I tried to just lightly mention it and he really understood he'd messed up and told me very sincerely how much he appreciates me staying home with the baby (I had to give up my job to be at home and was planning to find something else when our baby is around a year, but now we're staring at a long recession so God knows when or if I'll get back to work). I know he appreciates me but hearing it just made me feel worse!

Argh. Sorry for being so self indulgent. I haven't RTFT either so I'm sure the consensus has emerged that Mother's Day is an archaic tradition or only for the children themselves to recognise and I will look like an idiot. But it felt very validating to read this so thank you OP!

Also - I know my husband feels guilty for forgetting so now I feel like I have to suppress my own disappointment so he doesn't feel worse and we can salvage the rest of the day! EMOTIONAL LABOUR!

I'm happy with a card made in school. It's really not down to my husband.
Eh, it's not down to your husband it's down to your kids teacher??

why on earth would you expect more of school than from your husband?! Is he that useless

Yup- wow the bar for behaviour is set extremely low here I see.
Is it the same for birthdays?- do you expect the school to sort it out, God forbid your husband/partner should have to get off their arse and make an effort - the poor little lambs

So sad that so many women set their standards so low. He couldn’t be arsed to get you anything. The shops are heaving with cards and flowers. You just didn’t figure as important enough for him to make the effort to do anything. All the ‘cool mums’ enabling their husbands to be totally useless and berating you for being upset ‘don’t spoil the day by sulking’ fuck that shit. You are treated the way you allow yourself to be treated, I’d go mental. Trust me, if you do he won’t forget next year but if you let it slide you have a lot more disappointing mother’s days to look forward to.

@Winterwoollies get your facts right before commenting please. Your well off the mark.

@Winterwoollies your post makes you incredibly ignorant. Don't even dare to comment on being a front line healthcare professional when you are not one. Your sister cannot be a consultant because the info you've just quoted at me is a crock of shit. Either that or the info I'm getting direct as an NHS HCP is. Hmmmm

@thegreenlight erm yep. Only it's 'mother' s day' funnily enough it's about a child to a mother. Nothing to do with husbands being useless. If you're expecting a card from a baby you're being sentimentalist. Expecting your older kids to make a card? Not sentimentalist. No wonder thr divorce rate is so high.

@limpbizkit you’re*

I’m not even going to bother arguing with you. Why on earth would I pretend to have a sibling (didn’t say it was a sister) who is an ED consultant if that were not the case? I don’t come here to lie for shits and giggles. This is not the time nor the place. Were it not identifying I’d happily share the hospital in which they work (every hour under the sun).

And I am literally telling you what they said to me this morning, via FaceTime. It is an evolving situation and this is what they told me, having come off shift.

As an aside, if you think social distancing properly and protecting people from unnecessary exposure makes me ‘ignorant’ then god help whoever you work with or surround yourself.

Incidentally, what sort of ‘healthcare professional’ are you?

Do nowt for him on Fathers Day.

That’s what mine will be getting this year 😂

Ha ha! I would divorce a useless husband who cared so little about my feelings that he couldn’t even be bothered to get a card when it clearly means something to the other person. So NO ONE celebrates Mother’s Day until their child is a solvent, earning adult who can visit the shops themselves?! Bullshit. Behaviour like that is usually the tip of the thoughtless iceberg.

@MagpieWife

I can see that you have a young baby, but surely you can't expect a Mother's Day card and gift today if you're living in the USA? If you're just visiting, my apologies.

I'm in the US as well, and there are no Mother's Day cards in the stores now, it's just not on people's radar yet. My DM quite likes having two Mother's Days cards and gifts, one from my sibling in the U.K. and one from me

Mother's Day here is in May, and there will be loads of stuff around then.

I don't expect it to be down to anyone....only my child when they're old enough to appreciate me and show it by doing something for Mother's Day.
I honestly wouldn't expect my son's teachers to do it for me, I don't expect anyone, just my son as he matures.
It's not difficult and it's not up to my husband.

Same here
No lie in for me, I was up with the kids for over an hour before he got up. No ‘happy mother’s day’, no card, I actually reminded him it’s Mother’s Day and he just started talking about calling his mum. I don’t want to say anything in front of the kids because there’s already so much going on but will have to address it later because I’m really upset.

Every single person should be socially distancing just now - regardless of job, regardless of how young your mother is - keep your fucking distance. I can not believe a frontline healthcare worker would argue with that. Total bullshit.

YANBU. You only ever get one first Mother’s Day. He could have made a card out of scrap paper, drawn a heart, scribbled kisses in it. 5 min job. Tea and toast in bed. That’s enough but it’s something. You maybe need to start expressing your needs more clearly. I clearly told my DH that it’s special. I want a handmade card and I want you to put the pen in his chubby little hand and make kisses on the paper. I said I’d be keeping it forever so do something please. As adults we won’t always agree but we are allowed to want things and we all have needs. If your partner can’t it won’t meet reasonable needs then the relationship shouldn’t continue. It really is that simple.

@themountainsarecalling

There are plenty of blank cards (right by the counter in Trader Joe's!), or he could have made one - but actually I didn't expect a card because my husband doesn't really do cards, for birthdays or anything. So you're right, I'm being a big precious about the card. Although I don't buy the idea that celebrating today is too difficult - he's a grown man who can set a Google reminder.

We've talked about Mother's Day though (in therapy, even) and we actively decided we would do British Mother's Day - partly because I am British and partly because it frees up American Mother's Day for his mother (and he certainly won't forget that).

There are a lot of feelings mixed up in this for me - I'm ambivalent about giving up work, I'm ambivalent about being so far from my family, I'm ambivalent about a lot of our joint decisions. Things that he couldn't fix by making a card and bringing me breakfast in bed. I guess I feel like I have made a lot of sacrifices for him and I need to know that he is aware of that and is ready to reciprocate some day.

@Winterwoollies I'm not rising to your ridicule I'm afraid.

The thong is west it is up to your husband. That's what being a family is all about. Even my dad and fil sent me a message. It's not hard or time consuming.

*thing even.
No thongs involved

Ooh @limpbizkit you'll like this. One year my friend brought me a mother's day present off my 2 yo