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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that DH has done nothing for Mother’s Day?

130 replies

YakkityYakYakYak · 22/03/2020 12:04

DD is 9 months old so this is my first Mother’s Day. I know we all have bigger things to worry about at the moment but I can’t help feeling hurt that DH has made zero effort; he hasn’t even wished me happy mothers day.

I understand him not being able to get out to the shops and wouldn’t want him to go out especially. I don’t want extravagant gifts or anything but just hoped for any kind of gesture to show me I’m appreciated. There are loads of things you can do without leaving the house - order flowers to be delivered, make a card, breakfast in bed, etc.

This year, I’ve organised a card and flowers to be sent to DM but won’t be seeing her for obvious reasons. And last year at 40 weeks pregnant I managed to organise a card and gift for DH. It’s not impossible!

I’ve just told him that in lieu of a gift, he can clean the house and look after DD for the day, and I’ll be lying in the bath relaxing for the next few hours.

OP posts:
limpbizkit · 22/03/2020 13:28

This post has made me very grateful to have inner peace and confirmation that I'm responsible for my own contentment in life. If I was in your shoes and knew my DH wouldn't acknowledge mothers day (which my didn't particularly by the way although I don't need him to) I'd say 'right it's mother's day Sunday - it's important to me you know' 'I'm having a lay in and long bath come what may' don't wait for them to fuck up and then stew on the resentment. That's my point.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/03/2020 13:29

In with you op, it wouldn't kill him to have a, a card at least. Most people only went into lockdown this week so plenty of time.
My DH went to the shop, got a man card and forgot I needed one two of our 4 yo and 3 month old twins. Only remembered this morning cos I mentioned it last night in passing that he hasn't got me anything.
4 yo was hastily set to task making me a quick card whilst I showered.

However he does his share and he appreciates me. That makes it better

Monsterjam · 22/03/2020 13:29

My lovely husband put together folders of my eldests time at nursery ... and I feel so awful because it’s just junk to me. He could tell I was disappointed/confused at the gift and we now both just feel awful ahhh

limpbizkit · 22/03/2020 13:31

If you know they're not that way inclined (which a good proportion of men aren't - I'm sure most of our dad's and grandads weren't back in the day) throw your hints out or directly tell them if you really do want a result. Or don't go out all board on fathers day. Just keep it low key with a card

pocketem · 22/03/2020 13:31

Why should he get you a mother's Day card? Because he loves her she's his wife

But she's not his mum. Why should he get her a mother's day card? Should he also her her a father's day card too?

So weird that you would want your partner to pretend to be your underage child and get you a mother's day card. Surely it's meaningless when you both know it is really from him. Wait till the kid is old enough to know what MD is, and they can send you a card, you know, as their mother

Insideimsprinting · 22/03/2020 13:35

. I know we all have bigger things to worry about at the moment but.....

I’m being ignored too

Any other time I would think it was a little thoughtless but at the monent yes there are bigger things to worry about. It's not about ignoring the individual, it's about being thoughtful about the whole of society at the moment and everyone looking out for each other. Now is not the time for being wrapped up in yourself, we are all in the same boat. Our mother's day has been well damped but hey ho they will be others, I will look forward to them, I'm worried about much more than being a little overlooked at the moment.
We all need a little perspective at the moment.

SueEllenMishke · 22/03/2020 13:37

Why is it strange for your DH to buy the mother's Day card?
It's utterly selfish not to facilitate your child with this...think about what you are teaching your child.
I know my flowers were ordered and paid for by DH but DS (5) was still very excited when they arrived.
That tells me he appreciates my role as mother in this family and he is teaching DS the same

SleepingStandingUp · 22/03/2020 13:39

Wow @pocketem reminds me to tag you in a Christmas presents from the kids thread later in the year so you can suck all the fun from that too. It's a gesture of appreciation. People don't think their 3 month old for a job, warned £3, bright a card and wrote it

limpbizkit · 22/03/2020 13:42

@Sleeping noooo please don't tell me dad's buy Christmas presents for mum on behalf of the kids?! Shock oh jeez thank goodness my life isn't this complicated!!

limpbizkit · 22/03/2020 13:44

Can you imagine how our poor great grandmother's felt about their role and if their gripe was that their DH didn't buy a card on behalf of their baby? They'd turn in their graves at our 'problems' gid we've got it good in 2020 (despite corona!)

Monsterjam · 22/03/2020 13:49

@limpbizkit surely it’s okay to feel sad/moan etc about things despite others? It’s perfectly possible to appreciate your life in general but feel sad about one aspect of it

SixyearoldSicknote · 22/03/2020 13:50

Blimey, I’m moving over here to the dark side.

I was shot down for starting a thread yesterday for daring to be disappointed that my husband hadn’t prompted my 8yr old to make a card.

Wasn’t expecting hearts, flowers, gifts etc. - just two homemade cards.
Was more worried that the 8 year old would be upset when the 6 year old presented the one he’d made at school.

YANBU

SleepingStandingUp · 22/03/2020 13:50

@limpbizkit by that measure we shouldn't complain about poverty unless you're literally starving, child abuse or domestic violence, they should revoke women's rights too, or great grandmother's didn't need them.

And just to vote you're mine, when I was pregnant my first, my husband pretended to be the foetus and bright me a card from the "bump"

JudyCoolibar · 22/03/2020 13:50

I'm a bit surprised that sending flowers is a thing, to be honest. Surely the polythene around them is an ideal surface for coronavirus.

Dogman2020 · 22/03/2020 13:50

Same here OP. Would like to say It's the first time he's done it but nothing at all this morning except to tell me how cold he was. I did Ds's breakfast, put some washing on and said I was heading to the crew to put flowers down and all he could do was complain he needed the car to take ds out on a bike ride somewhere.

I didnt think he could beat the time he remembered around 1pm and dashed out only to come back with a half dead plant because nowhere had any flowers left. Hmm.

B0y0naBike444 · 22/03/2020 13:56

You are not his mother

1066vegan · 22/03/2020 13:57

I don't understand the angst over a First Mother's Day.

The day is important to some mums in which case their children should make an effort. Some mothers aren't bothered in which case the children don't need to do anything. I agree that dads should help those children who are old enough to understand that it's a special day but too young to make or buy anything independently.

But buying something and then pretending it's from a baby is ridiculous.

As for the posters who were disappointed by the box of chocolates or the chocolate orange - how bloody precious.

If you want a present, then it should be whatever your child buys or makes because they think that it's something you would like.

pollysproggle · 22/03/2020 14:00

I'm in a foul mood today for precisely this reason. Mother of 2, six month pregnant with 3 and nothing.
We're not self isolating, I am pretty much as pregnant but as we're not ill kids and husband are social distancing so he could still get to the shops. He went yesterday and went to Tesco express this morning and I thought he might come back with a little something but didn't so not being able to get to the shops isn't an excuse.
I was up before everyone else, no one even made me a cup of tea or said happy Mother's Day so they can all bugger off!

I'm socially distancing myself from them inside the house for the rest of the day.

lmcneil003 · 22/03/2020 14:04

If you get eggy about this stuff, you're going to struggle in this crisis. Don't think you can change him. Just change your reactions and attitude.
Don't sweat the small stuff...

MimiLaRue · 22/03/2020 14:08

But she's not his mum. Why should he get her a mother's day card? Should he also her her a father's day card too

Its not about "pretending to be an underage child" its about showing appreciation to someone you love on a day that celebrates being a mum and she is one and he kid is too young to get one themselves.

I cant believe the mean spiritedness here. By that rationale, you shouldn't give a birthday card to someone unless its on the hour of their actual birth on the day because "technically" its NOT their birthday.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/03/2020 14:11

@B0y0naBike444 which is why it isn't off him.

I expect Christmas, Birthday and Mother's Day from my children, eldest is 4.

westenddweller · 22/03/2020 14:12

It's Mother's Day, not your birthday, so why should husbands do it all?

Sorry but my husband has waited until my son is old enough to WANT to do a card for me, or buy something from his pocket money, help with dinner and the usual jobs etc. I really don't expect my husband to make him do anything.

I'm happy with a card made in school. It's really not down to my husband.

Winterwoollies · 22/03/2020 14:13

@limpbizkit As a ‘healthcare professional’ are you front line? If so, you’re more likely to have faced exposure, yes?

And you’re still visiting your mum (however old, presumably as a ‘healthcare professional’ you know that age isn’t as much a factor as first thought, e.g. young medics are getting extremely sick, so it’s believed to be more viral load...) and putting her at risk and thus increasing the chance of spread?

My sibling is an A&E consultant and has advised none of our family to see each other. None of us. For 12 weeks. They’ve said it’s especially essential we don’t see them because they’re a healthcare professional and risk exposure daily.

That’s the current advice. And you don’t appear to be listening to it. Weird.

SueEllenMishke · 22/03/2020 14:21

west how will your child learn that it's nice to mark special occasions such as mother's/father's Day if he doesn't see you do this?
I really don't think it's too much to ask a parent to facilitate making another member of their family feel appreciated and loved

westenddweller · 22/03/2020 14:27

SueEllen - the pre-school, school, Cubs group etc. have always encouraged this and I'm fine with that.
I get what you're saying but I do feel for all the poor husbands who get it in the neck if they don't do anything.

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