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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the holiday home is my only option?

208 replies

Witsendagain · 21/03/2020 23:08

I live in a different country. I was over here visiting family from the start of March and several cancelled flights/worldwide pandemic later me, my dh and ds(2) can't get home.
My parents are very high risk and don't have enough space for us. On paper my in-laws have enough space on paper but in practice this isn't the case (currently squished in a room filled with storage boxes while dh sleeps on the floor).
No other family can accommodate us BUT my gran has a mostly unused holiday cottage in a tourist hot-spot that she has offered us for the duration and I've accepted. It is literally around the corner from where we were living before we moved abroad 2years ago.
I am now being made to feel guilty by various people because me and my family are 'part of the problem', 'running to our holiday homes and swamping these places', 'overwhelming the medical services' etc.
I'm doubting myself, we can't stay where we are for months, we can't get home, and we are not choosing to be here. We are having to pay astronomical rent and pet care costs in the country we are living in and can't afford to rent somewhere so I really cannot see that we have another option.
Wibu to carry on with our plans despite the naysayers?

OP posts:
MurrayTheMonk · 23/03/2020 06:50

People in rural areas who are 'up in arms' because their shops and hospitals can't cope- yep-same everywhere-if not worse in the towns and cities currently. It's a horrible sort of NIMBY-ism. Obvs there's a difference between bloody day trippers who are clearly making an unnecessary choice, (and going to the country, not distancing and spreading the infection and then going home), and the OP here who is making a sensible decision.

I live rurally in the Home Counties. A few second homes here, or people that have their big house here and a flat in London in the week. I fully expect them to come and it seems sensible to me to get them away from London where the hospitals are already at breaking point. We don't have a huge amount of IT beds near us either. But they stand less chance of catching it here, as long as they are socially distancing as appropriate, than they do in town, and so less chance of needing an IT bed in the first place.

DdraigGoch · 23/03/2020 07:09

@MurrayTheMonk the reason that people in remote parts of the country are "up in arms" is that we have only one hospital with eleven critical care beds to cover a large area. The tourists turning up are not self isolating, they are carrying on as if the pandemic wasn't happening. We don't just have a few second homes, in some villages it is 50% of the dwellings, plus acres of static caravans. It's a substantial increase in the population. None of this applies to the OP's situation but just to illustrate why people are upset.

MurrayTheMonk · 23/03/2020 07:25

We live in the Home Counties and have one large hospital for 4 large towns with big populations... population vs beds = same issue. It's bad everywhere.

EgonSpengler2020 · 23/03/2020 07:49

@MurrayTheMonk

We live in the Home Counties and have one large hospital for 4 large towns with big populations... population vs beds = same issue. It's bad everywhere.

I can assure you it is not the "same" issue.
The UK has an average 7 critical care beds per 100000 population. In Wales it is 4.7 beds per 100000, with a much larger geographic area to cover, so time to access those few beds is greater too.

London, so not too far from the home counties will have significantly more than the 7 bed average, and where you are will no doubt sit somewhere around that average figure, not the welsh 4.7 beds figure.

MurrayTheMonk · 23/03/2020 07:52

Just looked up the figures for our local hospital.
20 critical care beds to serve a population of 650,000...across all of one county and the southern bit of the next door one.
Which is 50,000 more people that the entire population of Cornwall I think?

MurrayTheMonk · 23/03/2020 07:59

There are 15 critical care beds in Cornwall. Not that many less and for a slightly smaller population.
Add to that people trying to socially distance in more crowded areas, and idiots that aren't , and you have higher transmission in urban areas, so higher pressure on those beds in the urban hospital.

All beds currently full.

It is the same issue-just a slightly different configuration of it.

MurrayTheMonk · 23/03/2020 08:03

I mean basically the issue is 'we're screwed'.
I just don't think now is the time for people to be being aggressively defending their own 'patch'. I don't think anyone is better off than anyone else... we all have to be in it together. But just my opinion obvs...

WeGoHigh · 23/03/2020 08:05

I’m living in one of the ‘up in arms’ areas. Yes, we are furious, because the streets are full of tourists carrying on as normal who seem to think our home is an ‘escape’ from all of this.

However, this isn’t what the OP would be doing!! She’s stuck, where else is she supposed to go? Big difference between self isolating in the only home available to you and swanning around the streets buying bloody ice creams for your kids.

DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 23/03/2020 08:44

Look if OP is served by the same hospital there is absolutely no difference between her living in her grans house or where she is now.

Just go OP.

Hyrana · 23/03/2020 08:59

I can’t see why in the “room full of boxes”, the boxes take priority over the people. There is no real need to go to the caravan.
This is why the UK are having the problems they are having and going to have over the next few weeks!
The OP said they were staying with the In-Laws in a room full of boxes, where the fuck are the boxes going to go? It also was not a caravan, it was a house that her gran used to live in and she used to live round the corner from.
FFS Read things properly, don't skim, don't assume and stop posting fucking shit, that was a rant at a general person not a particular one

adaline · 23/03/2020 10:04

People in rural areas who are 'up in arms' because their shops and hospitals can't cope- yep-same everywhere-if not worse in the towns and cities currently. It's a horrible sort of NIMBY-ism. Obvs there's a difference between bloody day trippers who are clearly making an unnecessary choice, (and going to the country, not distancing and spreading the infection and then going home), and the OP here who is making a sensible decision.

You're totally missing the point. We're up in arms because people are deliberately choosing to endanger our lives by coming here. Government advice is to STAY HOME. Not to travel to your second home/your nans/a holiday cottage because it's more convenient or nicer for you to do so.

Our local hospital already has numerous cases of Covid-19 and yet holidaymakers think it's perfectly acceptable to turn up and endanger everyone even more!

MurrayTheMonk · 23/03/2020 10:23

Yes, we should coral all the city dwellers in the towns where the hospitals are ALREADY unable to cope. Let them die. As long as the country dwellers are fine... why do you think the resource is better and less stretched in town? It isn't. I've given the figures for our local hospital. Do second homers not pay council tax on their second house? (Genuine question-I don't know).
Both town and rural are struggling. But doesn't it make sense to balance out the over demand in any way we can?
These people rightly or wrongly own their second homes. If you had a choice between your kids being healthier or not which would you pick?
I live rurally. I get it. It's a 40 min drive to my nearest hospital. There is one little shop in the village. Yes even in the Home County's that's a thing.
Should I go next door with my pitch fork when the second homers next door show up?

I don't want to fight about it. I just hate the way this has immediately made society more fractured when it was already split by Brexit.

MaggieFS · 23/03/2020 10:26

Even prior to the additional details which have been given, there is clearly a difference between the OP and the hoarders heading for the coast/hills.

Go OP, it seems to only option. Hope you manage to get home soon.

adaline · 23/03/2020 10:30

People should just stay home, whether that's London, Norwich, Dorset or Cumbria.

Why is that so difficult for some people to grasp? STAY AT HOME.

DdraigGoch · 23/03/2020 12:50

We live in the Home Counties and have one large hospital for 4 large towns with big populations... population vs beds = same issue. It's bad everywhere.
The population of one town is 8,000. Add in the holiday sites and the population becomes 50,000. Our hospital cannot cope.

ChristmasCarcass · 23/03/2020 13:27

People should just stay home, whether that's London, Norwich, Dorset or Cumbria.

Completely agree - the people out in pubs over the weekend boil my blood, the people flocking to the beach are just as bad (at least have the excuse they may not have realised it was going to be busy - Boris has not helped by telling people to spend time outside).

But OP is stranded and cannot get home - she will be a tourist wherever she is. Better to be in a house that she can self-isolate properly in, than overcrowded with people who are refusing to stay in.

DdraigGoch · 23/03/2020 14:59

It's a 40 min drive to my nearest hospital.
@MurrayTheMonk is that all? Much of Scotland is more than 2hrs drive from the nearest major hospital.

tryingtoprep · 23/03/2020 16:37

I agree with every you say Murray

Now there's calls for yet more unnecessary travel - which will put many more at risk. Maybe they shouldn't have gone to second or holiday homes but now anyone who's already there should not be going home. That would mean more unessential travel. Apparently it's ok to put millions of city dwellers at risk - who are already suffering because there was no big government or media campaign to stop travelling into cities weeks ago. The message coming across is only country dwellers are worth saving. All lives are equally valuable. I read an article yesterday suggesting it's political. Cities tend to be labour whereas rural is often conservative.

I don't think anyone should be travelling unnecessarily but the hypocrisy and double standards is pretty unpleasant.

Ginnymweasley · 23/03/2020 16:47

A hospital is equipped to deal with the amount of people in the area that it is situated. So if that is a population of 10000 then they have the beds to deal (in a normal situation), if the are also has 3 caravan sites each holding 1000 people that is 3000 extra people they need to accommodate.
This is why people are getting annoyed. Its jot about people wanting city dwellers to suffer it's that the city hospitals are managed so they can cope with larger populations, rural hospitals are not.
It's not us vs them. I'm sure the city dwellers/second homers/holiday makers will not be happy if they get sick and struggle to get adequate treatment. Stay home means home.

Aesopfable · 23/03/2020 16:59

A hospital is equipped to deal with the amount of people in the area that it is situated.

No, hospitals are equipped to deal with demand. If an area has a permanent population 10000 and between Easter and October that population increases by 3000 then the hospital is equipped to deal with a population of 13000, of whom 3000 are transient visitor, during that time.

MintyMabel · 23/03/2020 17:02

Clearly you aren’t flocking to the holiday home to be closer to the beach (or wherever it is close to) as if this is a holiday. You are moving there because it is the only place you have to live.

Ginnymweasley · 23/03/2020 17:06

Someone needs to tell our health board that then cause all that actually happens is that during summer it all goes to shit.

adaline · 23/03/2020 17:10

No, hospitals are equipped to deal with demand. If an area has a permanent population 10000 and between Easter and October that population increases by 3000 then the hospital is equipped to deal with a population of 13000, of whom 3000 are transient visitor, during that time.

They're really not.

Millions of people visit the Lakes each summer, do you really thing hospitals like Furness General or Westrmorland General have that kind of capacity?

Westmorland general is so poorly staffed and funded it doesn't even have a 24 hour maternity unit. You have to book in to give birth and if anything happens that means your plans change, you have to go to FGH which is a good 90 minutes away.

They are not hospitals designed to handle such huge demand.

tryingtoprep · 23/03/2020 17:10

The London hospitals are already struggling. They're not managed to cope with this sadly. I don't suppose anywhere in the UK is. That's down to successive governments (all parties) not individual people. I agree with you Ginny In general (with a few exceptions like OP) they shouldn't have travelled - but now they have it's irresponsible to have them doing yet more travelling. The more people move around the greater the risk of spreading it.

It's the government's fault for not giving clearer instructions sooner.

People in London have already been transferred to other hospitals. That's what will have to happen elsewhere if worse comes to worse. It's too risky for the holidaymakers to travel back now surely? From what I've read here a lot of the holiday makers are relatively young - middle aged with children - so less likely to require hospital treatment. I know it's not a given. Perhaps they should be asked to go home if they drive but those using public transport will have to stay.

I totally understand your concerns. I blame the government, who should've taken stronger measures sooner - and given out less confusing messages.

In OP's case she's stranded in the UK. It's not the same as someone going off on an unnecessary holiday trip.

Ginnymweasley · 23/03/2020 17:15

I agree that the ops case is different and if she is sensible and isolates when she arrives etc that is fine. I would caution that Gps in wales have been saying they will not take on out of area temporary patients. And pharmacies will not fill prescriptions. Just as a warning to others. I wish it was true that most of the tourists are young but round llandudno at least that isnt really the case. It's a worrying time for all I understand that. It just feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth when a rural hospital is expected to shoulder a huge burden cause people wanted to get away. Why they came to anglesey I dont know as it was one of the 1st places in wales to have confirmed cases.