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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the holiday home is my only option?

208 replies

Witsendagain · 21/03/2020 23:08

I live in a different country. I was over here visiting family from the start of March and several cancelled flights/worldwide pandemic later me, my dh and ds(2) can't get home.
My parents are very high risk and don't have enough space for us. On paper my in-laws have enough space on paper but in practice this isn't the case (currently squished in a room filled with storage boxes while dh sleeps on the floor).
No other family can accommodate us BUT my gran has a mostly unused holiday cottage in a tourist hot-spot that she has offered us for the duration and I've accepted. It is literally around the corner from where we were living before we moved abroad 2years ago.
I am now being made to feel guilty by various people because me and my family are 'part of the problem', 'running to our holiday homes and swamping these places', 'overwhelming the medical services' etc.
I'm doubting myself, we can't stay where we are for months, we can't get home, and we are not choosing to be here. We are having to pay astronomical rent and pet care costs in the country we are living in and can't afford to rent somewhere so I really cannot see that we have another option.
Wibu to carry on with our plans despite the naysayers?

OP posts:
MurrayTheMonk · 22/03/2020 05:48

Wherever you are you are potentially going to be a drain on resources. I get it. Rural areas have less IT beds. But town IT beds are already swamped. It's a national / global issue. If you stay where you are you are potentially taking a city IT bed from someone who lives there. People need to get used to the idea of there not being enough beds wherever they are and no ones life is more important by way of where they pay their council tax. We start thinking like that and we really are fucked....

What you are proposing is very different to some twat leaving their perfectly good house to go on holiday or to their holiday home because they fancy it. You don't have anywhere else reasonable to stay.

Take supplies, go to house and self isolate for 14 days. You are less likely to contract the virus doing that-and drain any resources-than living in close quarters with your in laws there.
If you drive there, get out the car, go right in-you stand zero chance of infecting anyone else with anything you might have.

I know people hate second homers. But that debate doesn't apply to you in this case imo.

PinkPolkaDotty · 22/03/2020 05:51

Buy enough supplies for 14 days and go straight there and self isolate. I don’t see a problem with that.

I’m assuming you have your own car and can go straight there without public transport etc

I wouldn’t go there and start stocking up on supplies as that isn’t fair on residents as you’d be emptying their shelves as well as potentially infecting them.

ukgift2016 · 22/03/2020 06:03

Why would you come here at the start of March anyway? Surely you knew the risk of being stuck in the UK. You are part of the problem.

BritWifeinUSA · 22/03/2020 06:13

@ZebrasAreHorsesInPyjamas UAE have only just implemented that and it’s for 2 weeks. The OP is talking like she’s going to be in the UK for months. From post history, OP lives in Norway, which has not banned those with a residency permit from returning home.

potter5 · 22/03/2020 06:14

Unbelievable. People say go but don't come to where I live!

Bluewater1 · 22/03/2020 06:19

You should go there OP, but self isolate for 14 days once you arrive

thewinkingprawn · 22/03/2020 06:30

I honestly think in these circumstances you should go home. Unless there is absolutely no way of getting home which is not currently the case, is it? It isn’t the time for you to be here.

Doobydoo · 22/03/2020 06:30

Hi OP...I think you should probably go..with supplies and stay in. It's not like you are scurrying to your 2nd home in Suffolk/Cumbria /Dorset etc like plenty of the artsy/ media etc types have. I do not think you have much choice

ZebrasAreHorsesInPyjamas · 22/03/2020 06:39

@BritWifeinUSA I didn't know where the OP lived as I assume she has checked whether she can return or not. I was simply replying to your statement of " I’ve not heard of anywhere stopping their own residents and citizens from returning. " with the fact that the UAE have.

@Witsendagain , maybe you can explain why if you are a resident in Norway as BritWife is saying you are, the reason you can't just go home as I imagine you would if you could!

Theredjellybean · 22/03/2020 06:42

I am in Cornwall.. I'd have no problem with people like op moving to an empty house here.
Take supplies and keep isolated for 14 days.
But if its got local businesses that for example are doing home delivery.. Safe doorstep drop off, then if you can use them to support our rural communities.

While second home owners potentially do increase the demand on local health services they can also be seen as a very welcome source of demand for local businesses.
Our village pub is doing doorstep deliveries of meals and drinks to keep itself going.
Its very busy as quite a lot of our second home owners are here.
Most second home owners are in the under 70 category so predominantly lower risk and lots have joined our village WhatsApp group offering help to local older people.
Including sharing supplies, cutting grass, doing outside maintenance, dog walking.. This was clever.. Owner is a bit frail and usually walks her dog with friends, so now puts lead on dog, ties dog up outside.. Village volunteer gets dog five minutes later.. Does walk then repeat process in reverse, having wiped lead with wipes.

chatterbugmegastar · 22/03/2020 06:43

Honestly ? The people who piss me off are those who live in big cities (mainly London) and now want to run away from the virus taking it to their holiday home in Wales/the north - wherever. Stay where you are. If london is you'd main home , stay there and stop trailing your germs all over the place.

Theredjellybean · 22/03/2020 06:43

So please stop bashing second homers..

SarahInAccounts · 22/03/2020 06:46

YANBU. Anyone who thinks you are is a twat and best ignored.

QuestionMarkNow · 22/03/2020 06:48

People who try to make you guilty haven’t thought very much have they?
Go to the holiday home and protect your parents and PIL. You’ve had no choice about being stuck in what is a foreign country (as in the one you don’t normally live in).

I mean what else are you supposed to do? Stay in a hotel wo a restaurant for the next 2 ~3 months? Confused

If anything I think you and your parents/PIL are very lucky to have that house so you can settle down for the next couple of months.

DonkeyKong2019 · 22/03/2020 06:50

This is a different scenario and entirely reasonable.

QuestionMarkNow · 22/03/2020 06:51

For the people saying the OP can get home and should.
Some countries have closed their borders to the U.K. A lot planes have been cancelled altogether.
It is not obvious that anyone can still got home’ atm.

Plus the OP and her family are british. Are people really saying they aren’t welcome in their own country???

Seahawk80 · 22/03/2020 06:52

It's easy to say everyone should stay where they are but sometimes it's not tenable. We're probably going to have to stay with one set of of parents with DS. I know it's not ideal but we are in a flat that is a building site and now looks like the work will be delayed months. We have no kitchen and just a small living room for the 3 of us and now no childcare and we both work. It's not safe to stay here with DS. We are self isolating here for 7 days and then going to parents to isolate with them. It's easy to say you shouldn't go, they are vulnerable but the alternative is giving up work / losing our home / risk of our toddler getting injured when confined to the house. Your situation is very different to someone swanning off to their holiday home, same as mine is very different to someone needlessly visiting elderly parents for Mother's Day.

TossACoinToYourWitcher · 22/03/2020 06:53

I live in Cumbria and for all the reasons listed above I'd like all the tourists and second home owners to fuck right off home right now...

BUT yours is a unique situation and I think the holiday home is the best place for you.

OxanaVorontsova · 22/03/2020 06:55

YANBU it’s the only practical option. But do go well stocked and self isolate on arrival.

sneeuw · 22/03/2020 07:01

I'd go well-stocked, self isolate for 14 days. AND PUT UP SIGNS IN THE WINDOWS!!

Write that you're self isolating for 14 days as a precaution because you respect the local community.

Write that this is your grandmother's house, you can't get home and are not on holiday.

Laminate or put inside a clear plastic A4 sheet/folder and properly tape up the open end and put on the garden gate if there's a garden.

Then stay indoors. You'll still have people complaining but you'll have some support too. If nobody knows who is inside a holiday cottage, they'll assume a situation quite different than the reality.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 22/03/2020 07:05

Witsendagain - if you do live in Norway, I understand that Norwegian are still doing a few rescue flights for citizens/residents stranded in Europe.

Liwwybettykins · 22/03/2020 07:12

Reasonably if you are all low risk I don’t see the problem, you are unlikely to require ICU and as long as you are distancing will limit spread. There is going to be strain everywhere so no matter where you are we will all have the same problems.

I don’t see the problem as long as you are careful, limit any social contact etc.

zafferana · 22/03/2020 07:16

YANBU OP. You can't stay all cramped up in one room for potentially months with your poor DH sleeping on the floor. Go to the holiday cottage, but if you're leaving an area with lots of cases and going to one with none or very few do your shopping before you go and hole up in that cottage for 14 days so you don't add to the problem for a small, rural community. I don't see that you've really got another option, unfortunately.

ExpectTheWorst · 22/03/2020 07:21

Norway is still letting people who live there back in OP.

Aesopfable · 22/03/2020 07:22

You are selfish and part of the problem. Even if you do not get sick you will be taking resources needed by locals. I'm assuming you will be wanting to buy milk and bread and if your two year old gets sick you will want them to see a doctor.

It is amazing how selfish locals can be. ‘How dare someone come and buy milk I might want!’. Holiday home owners pay towards the cost of local infrastructure too.