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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the holiday home is my only option?

208 replies

Witsendagain · 21/03/2020 23:08

I live in a different country. I was over here visiting family from the start of March and several cancelled flights/worldwide pandemic later me, my dh and ds(2) can't get home.
My parents are very high risk and don't have enough space for us. On paper my in-laws have enough space on paper but in practice this isn't the case (currently squished in a room filled with storage boxes while dh sleeps on the floor).
No other family can accommodate us BUT my gran has a mostly unused holiday cottage in a tourist hot-spot that she has offered us for the duration and I've accepted. It is literally around the corner from where we were living before we moved abroad 2years ago.
I am now being made to feel guilty by various people because me and my family are 'part of the problem', 'running to our holiday homes and swamping these places', 'overwhelming the medical services' etc.
I'm doubting myself, we can't stay where we are for months, we can't get home, and we are not choosing to be here. We are having to pay astronomical rent and pet care costs in the country we are living in and can't afford to rent somewhere so I really cannot see that we have another option.
Wibu to carry on with our plans despite the naysayers?

OP posts:
Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 22/03/2020 10:09

@ExpectTheWorst (completely agree with your name) - I agree with you and am hoping the OP is now trying to organize that rather than reporting back here!

Original poster
Witsendagain · 22/03/2020 10:20

Thank you to everyone who has commented.
Just to clear up a few points:
We have already self isolated for 8 days where we are and will stay until 14 days when we will travel by car door to door and self isolate for a further 14 days. I have underlying health conditions and have no interest in potentially leaving my child without a mum. I will not take risks.

We will, of course, be taking our own supplies.

I am resident in Norway, the borders are open to residents but after numerous attempts all our flights have been cancelled. We now have a cash flow situation as we have literally hundreds tied up in airlines who are 'struggling to keep up with refund demands'. Trust me if we could have got back we would have. So far we've had no luck with embassies.

The holiday home and my in laws (where we are) are an hour away from each other and served by the same major hospital (I realise I probably should have put this in the previous post sorry!) and while the area is a tourist hot-spot it is in a not desirable town there so there shouldn't be a massive influx.

No we cannot move the boxes around otherwise we would have.

To the person who called my gran selfish, 2 points:
Firstly, this holiday cottage was bought more years ago than I have been alive and has been used almost every weekend by one family member or another until under 2 years ago when my grandad died. It has been used every holiday since. I included that info to highlight that it wasn't a 'for profit' holiday home.
Second, if you don't have anything nice to say... Mind your own business!

OP posts:
ChristmasCarcass · 22/03/2020 10:22

crisis measures have taken over and treatment will be given to those that have the best chance of survival. The fair and equal treatment has gone.

NHS consultant. We have always allocated resources, including ICU beds, based on whether we think patients will benefit from them. Plenty of patients are not candidates for ICU, that is not a new concept and I’m surprised that you think it is.

That is very different to refusing emergency treatment based on ethnic group or nationality - if you work in the NHS and are advocating that, as you appear to be, you should lose your PIN.

Becca19962014 · 22/03/2020 10:38

The NHS was devolved. It's not the same throughout the uk, hasn't been for over twenty years. Each country is different and has different criteria. I worked in the NHS for a long time before I realised that.

That's one of the reasons people are being sent home from holiday homes etc where I live. The resources across our healthboard are not decided on average visitors here, or temporary residents but those who are permanent. The theory works on a small % needing treatment any one time, in these current times that % is far too low to cover local residents alone so people are being directed back to where they live.

Nothing is accessible now except via triage at 111. In Wales they ask for your permenant address and GP details, if they are in England you are put through to the English 111 and directed to local services according to where you live. In an emergency you could be seen locally in Wales, but you'd be sent home for your treatment.

This isn't being anti tourists or anyone else. It's just plain facts. For the current times.

Ponoka7 · 22/03/2020 10:42

ChristmasCarcass, but usually there's enough resources. If there isn't a ICU bed, enough can often be done elsewhere within the hospital.

I've been on a general ward in our Royal Liverpool and had to use mobile oxygen, while waiting for a more suitable bed with an oxygen point. This put enormous pressure on the Staff. I could shower attached to a big cylinder, but most people, especially older ones couldn't, without help. We were using the enormous tanks because there wasn't even enough small units. This was 2008 in May. I've seen hospitals struggle, as a patient, as a carer and as Staff. People didn't recover as quickly as they should have. Which was why we needed our new hospital, which we haven't got, thanks to corruption. But the Royal was improved, slightly.

My point was, while we have made decisions based on clinical outlooks in the past, we haven't been in this situation before. We need to change our thinking, because a bed won't be there for us.

Or do you think Chris Whitty is lying to us when he said "some will die from the corona virus and some will die because of the corona virus filling beds"?

Should the OP go to the holiday cottage?

Ponoka7 · 22/03/2020 10:53

The two NHS ENT Consultants on ventilators at the moment, contracted the virus from people showing no symptoms.

We can't afford our medical staff to be taken out of duty, because we can't ship anymore in.

It's a new concept to get, but we have limited resources and we don't want to make them smaller.

We don't know for sure that a vaccine is coming within 18 months. We need to limit the numbers having it at one time.

Some categories of vulnerable people, may be able to get reinfected.

Whydoesit · 22/03/2020 10:56

I would go now if I were you, absolutely.

DdraigGoch · 22/03/2020 12:26

In your case OP, it seems like a reasonable thing to do.

However, for the people in this article I reserve my most deep and sincere contempt:
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-51994504
Frankly I hope that they burn in hell for being so irresponsible.

eveoha · 22/03/2020 12:54

Calling people ‘naysayers’ who have responded with considered and informed advice is really quite insulting - but chimes in with the solipsistic attitude you took by travelling to another country as the pandemic took home - I pray you will be repatriated

StealthPolarBear · 22/03/2020 12:55

Go. Get food delivered and self isolate. I understand the issues but you have very little choice.

StealthPolarBear · 22/03/2020 12:56

DdraigGoch that picture Shock

Coughsyrupsucks · 22/03/2020 13:01

I think you should go, it sounds like you’re being very sensible about it. Where I live the same hospital covers a vast area of 2.4 million people and we have 15 ICU beds. You can travel an hour in any direction from that hospital and it’s the same hospital you’ll end up at. Centralising the NHS to that extent was a massive cock up, and that’s not your fault. Get to your Nan’s house and be safe with your family. Good luck.

ivykaty44 · 22/03/2020 14:33

I’m see a large amount of venom directed at “tourists” going to the coast
I would think very carefully about movement that is unnecessary
You may find a very cold welcome at your destination

This isn’t a warning but I have friends in Devon who are up in arms as their infrastructure can’t handle this, their shops can’t cope nor their hospitals and medics

Gingerkittykat · 22/03/2020 14:34

Second, if you don't have anything nice to say... Mind your own business!

Don't post on a public forum asking for responses and getting pissy when people say things you don't like.

RhubarbFizz · 22/03/2020 15:32

I would focus on getting home - sounds like it is going to be safer for you in Norway.

ThePawtriarchy · 22/03/2020 17:21

She’s clearly not talking about being a ‘tourist’ and sunbathing on the beach. We’re all in a shitty situation, the world over, and nobody is having a great time. Seems like selfishness is catching faster than the virus at the moment.

Original poster
Witsendagain · 22/03/2020 18:37

Ok I do have to apologise for being a snippy! I'm incredibly stressed at the moment as I'm sure are many of you.

I am in complete agreement with the irresponsibility and selfishness of the 'tourists' who are doing this because of this and that is why I posted this and am struggling with confliction.

So far today my in laws have been out and about for unnecessary things 4 times. We have explained the dangers to themselves and us repeatedly and they just keep doing it. In order to keep myself and my immediate family safe we are going to make use of the cottage.I count myself very lucky to be able to, I know a lot of people don't have the choice.

We are trying to get back to Norway, and will continue to do so.

As for not posting on a public forum. I didn't post asking for opinions on my Gran's property portfolio. I asked a specific question and was upset to see my gran branded as selfish by one particular poster. My gran would give you the shirt off her back and, as a family, we've been going through a really tough time and I was rude.

OP posts:
iamtherealitycheck · 22/03/2020 19:53

I can't believe how cold hearted some of these replies are. How would you feel stranded and unable to get home? By the sounds of it you are a UK citizen so have every rights to be here and even if you were not take the holiday home for your kids and self isolate keep safe x

iamtherealitycheck · 22/03/2020 19:54

And by the way I live in rural North Norfolk where we have an abundance of holiday homes so I do understand

adaline · 22/03/2020 20:08

I can't believe how cold hearted some of these replies are.

It's not being coldhearted. I live in the Lake District and we have been completely overrun by tourists this weekend. All our major hospitals have incidents of Coronavirus and people are still driving up for a weekend away or a holiday.

The reasons are largely irrelevant. People shouldn't be travelling. And they're still not listening. How many people have to die before the message sinks in?

ChiaraRimini · 22/03/2020 21:20

There may not be enough hospital beds in rural wales. However there are going to be major issues across the whole U.K. in availability of beds. It might take a hour or more to transfer someone from north wales to Liverpool. It might take an hour or more to transfer someone from one side of London to the other.

nocoolnamesleft · 22/03/2020 21:28

Ha. An hour isn't an issue. Our nearest tertiary centre is 90 miles away, and the majority of that is single carriage way. For some of us in remote areas, an hour from the local small hospital to major backup would be an enormous improvement.

StripyHorse · 22/03/2020 22:07

Our local GP has put an appeal for someone to lend him a caravan / camper so he can live on his driveway and keep his family safe / avoid catching covid 19 from them and have to isolate for 14 days.

Would something like this work? Perhaps ask in a local group? That way you can meet both aims of not putting your family at risk and not putting pressure on the area your holiday home is in.

BigChocFrenzy · 23/03/2020 01:40

YANBU, OP

Go to your gran's
Best for the whole family

PenisBeakerDipper · 23/03/2020 05:32

YANBU and it sounds like you don’t really have a choice. I understand the concern about NHS beds but not about bread and milk - we should have plenty of food if people buy normally!

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