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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that my husband didnt care about mothers day ?

129 replies

LidiaM · 21/03/2020 18:29

I am so dissapointed and sad because its mothers day tomorrow and I wont be getting anything, our daughter is 3 years old , she cant buy stuff herself, I dont even want anything materially , just a card and a hug ! I always pay atention and do my best for fathers day and his birthdays and he knows how important it is for me yet he ALWAYS forgets and this time he has a reason ! ladies and gentlemen - he forgot because of the CORONAVIRUS , YEA..
he had time, its not a big effort to go shops for a little chocolate once a year !.
I am just sad because I dont understand, he knew how importand it is for me, he is responsible for mothers days untill our girl understand herself yet he always fail with those things .I am fed up with it, It showes me that he kind of doesnt care about my feelings.

OP posts:
triedandtestedteacher · 21/03/2020 20:28

My dh has had to be reminded which kind of spoils it but otherwise I'd get nothing. I'd be upset too. Corona virus or no Coronavirus

ILoveAnOwl · 21/03/2020 20:34

I'm with you OP. I get there's a lot else going on but I still made sure his mum and my mum got a card. I will get nothing and it hurts that even though he's been to several supermarkets this week, he just can't be arsed. Tbf, his mum got me some biscuits and flowers 'from the children' but it's not the same. It's about, yet again, him just not being very bothered.

Daftodil · 21/03/2020 20:38

A card isn't a big thing to ask. I've reminded my BIL to make a card with my nephew for my sister. It just doesn't occur to some people, but it is my sister's first mother's day as a mother and I know she would be upset to not have a little keepsake she can look back on when her son is grown.

Talk to your husband and say you want a card. There's still plenty of time to pull one together. 3yos are up at the crack of dawn, so show your DP where the pens/crayons/paints are, go back to bed in the morning and wait for breakfast in bed and a card to appear.

StrongMama1989 · 21/03/2020 20:41

Noooooo!!!! You can’t be serious!! I’ve got twins who are 3 years old in April and right at this moment I couldn’t give a flying fuck about a Mother’s Day card?! They are too young to give you one themselves so what advantage is there to your fella pretending and doing it for you?! I really don’t get it

ilovecakeandwine · 21/03/2020 20:42

Tbh a year ago I would of said yanbu but now yeah it doesn't matter does it ?
I'm not bothered at all in fact I'd rather not bother with it until i can enjoy it properly with my mum and in-laws .

StrongMama1989 · 21/03/2020 20:47

Sorry but I’ve got to add.... have a word with yourself! Your child doesn’t understand what Mother’s Day is yet... just enjoy Mother’s Day because you are a mother and have a beautiful 3yr old child?? Why do you need someone to basically lie and write a card out for you? As I said, I have twins who are 3 in April and I in my way need a Mother’s Day card off them. Just having them and the absolute delight that I am their mummy is my Mother’s Day present, when they’re old enough to understand and can buy me a card and tell me they love me etc then yes that’ll be lovely but I don’t need someone to lie and write a card out for a child who has no idea?!

IceBearRocks · 21/03/2020 20:49

Bloody hell ...my son and husband are on the isolate for 12 weeks list ! I'm just olease we have bread, milk and they are both breathing !

MorganKitten · 21/03/2020 21:06

So you only appreciate your mum once a year?
You shouldn’t even be that bothered with you know, the giant virus killing people around us. Be happy your family is together and safe.
I’m stuck with my mum in a brain injury care facility and I can’t see her until further notice due to bupa lock down. Ive seen her every day since her accident and now I can’t even contact her.

ElGuardiandenoche · 21/03/2020 21:11

Our house is in lockdown and has been for the last 10 days and I’ve managed to order flowers and a card for my mum and to my FIL so he can put them on MILs grave for us. I noticed a thick envelope addressed to my DH from Moonpig come in the week, so I guess him and the three kids have been personalising cards for me.

It isn’t hard in this day and age to do a little something to show your appreciation of your wife and the mother of your children for all she does for you all throughout the year.

JustGoFurther · 21/03/2020 21:14

I’m sorry, but I think you are being unreasonable. I’m a mother too, but all I care about at the moment is that my 2 DS’s, my DH, my DM and myself stay fit and healthy. I could have cried today when my eldest DS visited but had to keep his distance (even though he doesn’t have any symptoms). Really, who cares about a crappy card and a bunch of flowers?

OhCaptain · 21/03/2020 21:22

OP does. And she’s allowed to.

Someone always has it worse. Something bad is always happening.

Stop shaming her for being hurt at her husband being inconsiderate.

strawberrylipgloss · 21/03/2020 21:25

Yanbu to be disappointed. He could still make a card or plan a special breakfast for you tomorrow. Royal Mail is still operating as normal and if did a food shop then I'm surprised if he didn't notice more flowers and stuff strategically placed around the supermarket.

I can't help but wonder if his thoughtlessness is due to him not giving a toss about Father's Day? Does he buy a gift for his mum?

pictish · 21/03/2020 21:28

sigggghhhhhh

TheFairyCaravan · 21/03/2020 21:36

I thought we'd get a break from these posts this year.

Your DD is with you OP, you're all fit and healthy. Count your blessings, hey?

Pinkerpellosa · 21/03/2020 21:39

I'm fairly sure my husband has no idea tomorrow is mother's day. I only know myself because I went to the supermarket today for the first time in a week. If it's so important to you you need to tell him!

shinyredbus · 21/03/2020 21:42

i didnt even know it was mothers day tomorrow until saw this thread.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 21/03/2020 21:44

I see where you're coming from OP. We don't really go in for birthdays and mothers day etc in my house, for the adults anyway, if we want something we generally send a link to the other person but often we dont. We generally only aay happy anniversary, valentines day etc to each other. But if my husband made it clear that it was important to him then I'd make sure I made some effort, it's not that difficult to do something to try and make someone you love happy. Why are you still making an effort for him when he doesn't extend you the same courtesy

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 21/03/2020 21:46

Though to be fair if he has lost his job or something due to coronavirus or he is doctor or a nurse and working flat out then its understandable he forgot...what were his excuses for all the other years though?

Beesisabuzzin · 21/03/2020 21:50

He's a dick. A month ago I asked my ex husband to sort out something for mothers day. My son is disabled, i am the resident parent. He has never stayed with his father. The only time I have ever received a card is if he has made one with his TA.

Fast forward 4 weeks. He didn't bother. Absolute dickhead. My whole life is limited through caring for my son. I wouldn't change it for the world, he's amazing. But I would have liked a bloody card!

sunnyshowers · 21/03/2020 21:50

Sweet Lord...I wouldn't let my dh out to get a card...
My kids are older so made one (fairly sure...there was a lot of shussing earlier)
Thing is you've ruined it now anyway.
If you d copped onto the terror in the world you never expect dh to go out.
For all you know He s made a card and planned tea and toast in bed...and it would have been lovely...except you 've ruined it with your PRE mothers day strop
Being a mother is 365...so is being a dad....
Cop on

itispersonal · 21/03/2020 21:50

Wow! I actually thought we wouldn't get any of these posts this year, Mums moaning about DHs not doing enough for them on the made up day of Mother's Day.

The country/ world is in a pandemic, people are dying, people are without food, over 70s and vulnerable are in isolation for months!

Flupibass · 21/03/2020 21:56

I think it’s nice for your family to show a small sign of appreciation for all you do as a mother. I remember getting upset one year because when my children were too young to sort anything out for themselves my dh hadn’t bothered to help them, it took a while for him to realise that these small gestures do matter.
I will admit at the moment it doesn’t seem to have the same degree of importance. But your dc is young and what’s wrong with doing something nice in this time of high anxiety?

Elieza · 21/03/2020 22:00

You are not being unreasonable if he doesn’t help dc to make a card. It’s a bit of paper ffs. He could easily help with this task and help dc make a cup of tea or something for you.

You know what to do at Father’s Day and his birthday. When he complains you did nowt just remind him that he didn’t seem to care about such things when it was your turn so now he knows what it feels like.
Sometimes that’s the only way to teach people who lack empathy, let them see how it feels.

Mummyshark2019 · 21/03/2020 22:22

FFS. Do you know what's going out there right now? I think a little box of chocs is the least of everyone's concerns when you're trying to buy food to survive. You're with your kid on mother's Day. Others are not. That is he main thing. Stop your whinging.

couchparsnip · 21/03/2020 22:24

I have 2 teens and a DH. I am not expecting anything for mothers day.
We have all had other things on our minds this week.