Over 200 toilet rolls in my yoga lounge

[LonelyAngel]

I know we mustn't panic buy, but my two children, Jocasta and Oliver, simply must come first. I couldn't bear to think of them struggling in the weeks and months ahead without toilet roll, so yes, we did stock up. Plenty of dried pasta too, but the artisan variety, not supermarket stodge. Oliver wants to make a play fort out of the rolls, and Jocasta is thinking about turning them into a portrait of Greta Thunberg, but I have explained the importance of them and they have been very mature about it. The thing is, my friend who is a single mum (she lives on the local council estate but is actually quite intelligent) has told me she cannot get a single loo roll for her 3 kids (all under 5). I feel for her but I don't want to share, because Jocasta and Oliver simply must come first. Am I being unreasonable?

@ChardonnaysPetDragon genius

Well it made me laugh OP - carry on!

You're hilarious @almondmagnummum

I agree with you Yogawoogie. Especially the one by almondmagnummum. So outraged.

StillDisappointed

Oh and I know it's you're instead of your. But I was typing fast. grin

I didn’t continue to read your post when I saw that error. Oops

I think some of you need to Google satire.

I despair. Satire is clever - this isn't. It's just a pathetic dig at other people's suffering. Not clever, and not funny.

JOKE!!!!

Heavily masked man goes into bank. Everyone looks uneasy. ‘Don’t panic!’ he shouts. ‘It’s a robbery’.

It is satire.

I see what you were aiming for OP, but it's a bit tone-deaf. to be honest.

We are doing the same dear. Philippa, Petunia and Pyrocathinium (Triplets of course), are making full use of our Turkish bidet and den making with our 200 rolls of lavatory paper. One doesn’t need such tissue these days and thought we’d join in with the oily oiks for fun.

Could anyone explain why this thread is satire? Beats me.

As long as you aren’t using recycled toilet paper it’s all ok.

Is po face an underlying condition?

I laughed OP. Sadly mumsnet is being overrun by the hard of thinking.

Bored at home are we?

It made me laugh for the first time in about a week: thanks OP

You're just not funny. Nor is the situation.

I thought your post was funny OP. Whatever happened to keep calm and carry on and all that.

It really is ok to maintain some normality even in a crisis,

Me too ItsALittleMoreNuancedThanThat. I just showed the OP to my husband and it even made him smile!

@LonelyAngel I hope you managed to get your next 6 weeks Ocado slots because after all your family are far more important then the elderly and vulnerable even though you have 2 cars on the drive and are perfectly capable of pushing a trolley round the supermarket.
Op, you made me smile, you have taken the piss out of the type of person I despise. A few on here seem to have lost their sense of humour, maybe it hits a nerve 😂

First off, I get that this is your attempt at humour (and advertising of a Pinterest site, maybe?)

(she lives on the local council estate but is actually quite intelligent)

Nice undercurrent of implied assumption that council house tenants are thick. One of the most stupid people I know has never been near a council estate so I have to assume she's intelligent because she's rich.

has told me she cannot get a single loo roll for her 3 kids (all under 5) another couple of lovely little stereotypes. Bet she's only 21yo too, kids all with different dads!!

It's fucking hilarious... That you think you're clever enough to pull it off.

There are some truly miserable fuckers on MN these days. The OP was trying a bit of light relief amongst all the gloom, doom and hysteria and most of us got it. But the miserable brigade still find it necessary to criticise and whinge. Ffs lighten up. No everything requires your doom laden, critical, moralising comment. If you don't like the thread just pass on by.

I know. It really is a wankerpit on here sometimes.

Not the like old days on MN: we had a much better class of wanker in those days.

@OhhNo Oh no.

Oh OP you

Thank you so much for giving me a laugh today! God bless you, I was having a really awful day in bed and isolation. I have only read the OP not the full thread thus far, but it is hilarious and has really roused me, not been able to even get to the kettle yet, but I think I can now after you cheered me up.

I really love: The thing is, my friend who is a single mum (she lives on the local council estate but is actually quite intelligent)

And Greta Thunberg

Genius!!

toilet roll
I watched something on Youtube or somewhere. They theorised that toilet roll is strongly symbolic. In a health crisis, people become obsessed with feeling like they are clean. It's a way of exerting control or something. So, yes, its selfish behaviour but apparentely there's psychological shit driving it. yes poor word choice.