AIBU or is DH? A few small issues which seem to be adding up to a big deal

[ChocolateEmergency]

Last night me and DH were just sitting down to dinner and he started smacking his lips together as he was eating. He does this regularly and knows it drives me insane so I gave him a look and he asked what, so I did it to him. He got up, took his dinner and stormed off to the other room. Shouting at me that I was kicking off because I was tired. He was the only one kicking off in my opinion. When I ask him to not eat like that, he always gets annoyed and says he just wants to enjoy his food.

I cleaned the kitchen sink this morning, walked away. Walk back less than 5minutes later and he has left a spoon in the sink (we have a dishwasher) and coffee residue all across the bottom of the sink. I sigh and say I’d just cleaned it.

DD had a helium balloon which was almost deflated. DH was taking it to the bin, inhaled the helium and started talking to DD in the high voice. I said not the best thing to be teaching a 2 year old. I know we’ve had the exact same conversation before and he acknowledged I had a point that time. This time, apparently I’m just complaining about absolutely everything to piss him off.

Go to the bathroom and he has left an empty toilet roll on the holder and not changed it. So again I say, oh I’ll change the toilet roll shall I. This has never been an issue before, but he did it the other day as well and I didn’t say anything as it could’ve been an accident.

So IABU and shouldn’t say anything about these things or IANBU and DH is being a giant man child!

The lip smacking thing isn't pleasant if you're not exaggerating but mocking him isn't the solution. The other things are very minor, he's not allowed to leave a a teaspoon in the sink?! Don't clear up behind him and you won't resent it. These are very minor things.

Yeah I think you’re nit picking a bit.

@ChocolateEmergency

Doesn't sound like you like him very much.

If he irritates you THAT much, then do the bloke a favour and leave.

These qualities you find annoying, will be 100 X worse in 20-25 years, and you will have very little chance of starting over with someone else when you're 50 plus.

Then again, anyone else you are with, could well have an equal amount of habits that annoy you.

I bet YOU have some annoying habits too!

You sound like an unhappy woman, I suspect there is more going on that is contributing to this.

You sound like you are hard work to live with, from your post.
You aren't his parent.

It sounds pretty incessant. Whilst I understand these things getting under your skin, I think you need to stop sweating the small stuff.

You sound like a passive aggressive nightmare to live with. He’s not a child, don’t speak to him as such and let him eat in peace! A spoon in the sink and not immediately changing the toilet roll are not the end of the world. Everyone inhales the helium for the funny voice. Out of all the activities I’d be most irritated by the eye rolling, sighing and little digs.

You sound pretty fussy tbh.

Mocking him is mean and nothing else seems major. DH does all these things and it would never occur to me to get angry,

Yikes. There has to be more to this. None of that is annoying apart from the lip smacking

There is clearly more to this.

You're spoiling for an argument.

Do you love your husband, OP?

You need to be calm and more direct. Eg I have told you before that I cannot bear that noise. Please stop.

I have just cleaned the sink. When 5 minutes later there is a spoon and coffee in it it makes me feel devalued.

If you use up a toilet roll then you neef to change it.

Dh used to complain about nothing being good enough and I told him that no it wasnt and if he wanted me to stop he should just do it properly. Does he do his job that sloppily? No because he knows it isnt good enough and would get fired.

You sound fed up.
He sounds fed up.

If my DH picked at me all the time I'd be fed up too. Do you ever smile or laugh in your home?

you will have very little chance of starting over with someone else when you're 50 plus - this however is ridiculous. 50 plus is not decrepid.

The lip smacking is irritating but mimicking was very immature.
The other things you are nit picking especially the spoon.

I see these as minor irritations. They wouldn't bother me so much as to need to bring them up. I feel marriage is a bit "live and let live" where you accept the other person isn't perfect and you accept them the way they are.

Yanbu about the lip smacking but making fun of him was just goady. Yabu in general.

You don’t seem to like him much. I understand you’re annoyed, but you’re being very passive aggressive. Has your communication always been this poor?

Have a read of this OP

Huffpost

At what point can a sink be reused then?

You sound like you just don’t like him.

None of those things are worthy of a big deal.

That Huffington Post thing is the such a horrible validation for passive aggressive controllers.

It's basically even if someone is being unreasonable, if you don't pander to them then you're not showing sufficient love.

It's ok for one person to think leaving dishes in the sink is ok without the other person saying "well if you loved me you'd do it my way" rather than just accept that they have a difference of opinion.

Off topic but it just really annoys me every time I see it posted

I don't think you're being unreasonable. The lip smacking is a habit which he can break if he so wishes. He chooses not to do so. He knows it annoys you but persists. He stormed off as a good offensive is the best defense. He wants to make your seem off. I suspect he knows why you were staying but hoped you'd back down.

The other things he's started doing are him passively aggressively getting his 'revenge' on you for challenging him. Again, he's aware of what he's doing. Like how he's changed his attitude about three balloon to suit himself.

I don't know how you can change the lip smacking - refuse to eat at three same time? Refuse to make him dinner?