AIBU to be resentful about the dog

[Mamawingingit1234]

Please don’t rip me to shreds for this.

We got our dog when I was pregnant and decided to be a SAHM.

My asthma which has been manageable my whole adult life has slowly deteriorated over the last few years to the point I’m on a preventer inhaler morning and night. Reliever inhaler still during the day - noticeably more when in the house all day. My eyes have been regularly red and itchy and at time painfully swollen. My asthma nurse thinks I’m allergic, the doctor thinks I’m allergic but my DH doesn’t.

I’m also so fed up of the dog hair EVERYWHERE. I hoover several times a day. And the drool! When pregnant with second I slipped pretty badly on his drool and had to get checked. Now he’s not allowed in any room when there is food because it’s uncontrollable.
DH loves the dog. The kids love the dog. I’m starting to resent the dog. I do 90% of the walking, grooming and cleaning. DHs work involves travel and I didn’t think how difficult it would be going out for walks. We live in the country side, no paved paths. All national speed limit roads and mud tracks. It takes longer to get the kids ready for a walk than they can walk. Can’t get a buggy down the mud track and don’t feel safe to walk on the road with the kids.

DH and I have had several “talks” about the dog and I’m always made to feel like a terrible person for thinking about rehoming him mainly to PIL who LOVE the dog.

Am I a terrible person for feeling resentful? I feel like the dog is more of a priority than me.

But on the other hand I do feel like a shit person for feeling this way.

What the fuck? A dog is a huge amount of work. On top of DC and house as well, plus DH working away.. just fuck off.

1. Get a dog walker. Every day.
2. Get a cleaner. Twice a week.

OR

1. Get rid of the bloody dog. PIL can have it and the kids can visit it.

You're not a domestic slave. You don't exist to serve everyone else. Stop acting like one. Tell DH to take the dog with him when he travels the cheeky fuck.

Ahh this is tough.
I LOVE my dog but jesus it's been hard to give him the attention and work he needs with a baby. I feel a tad resentful to him sometimes for wanting a walk or just doing dog things and this is a dog I love and am incredibly bonded with.

Dogs are serious work.

I think a dog walker is a great idea whilst you decide the best way forward.
You're not being unreasonable and you DH needs to take a bit more responsibility for the dog if he is the one wanting him so much.
Really feel for you!

I agree that if pil can look after the dog then at least it makes your life that bit easier. And the children will still be able to visit it

I love dogs but this doesn't sound good, it's your physical and mental health. What breed do you have?

If you have mainly carpet then rip it up and get tile or laminate, the dust and hair isn't half as bad. Rubber mops are also excellent for picking up the fur.

Get a dog walker and /or a sling/carrier for dc. Much easier for walking.

Get the dog groomed regularly by a pro, saves you breathing it all in and they need a proper wash to get the dust out of long fur.

Or get PIL to rehome the dog so you still see it regularly /know it has a good home?

I’d give it to PIL if they want it

God that sounds like hard work.

Everyone loves the dog and wants to keep the dog but you're doing all the work.

Very easy to love having a dog when you're doing none of the care and work. And you're not even allowed to have your allergy acknowledged. I'm not surprised you feel resentful.

Your DH is being massively unfair to you. If he's away a lot nothing the dog does impacts on him.

You need to be emphatic about what you're prepared to accept.

For a start, if your DH doesn't want the dog rehomed, you need more help with it, so do as PippaPegg suggests and get a dog walker at least several times a week. And when your DH is home he need to do most of the walking and cleaning involving the dog.

Ah i have had moments of resentment with our dog since my son was born. Barking and waking him up/his paws on the floor waking him up/demanding attention/having to walk him etc when exhausted and DS used to hate buggy too so very stressful.

DS adores him though and I wouldn’t be without him (but I say it grudgingly).

Dog walker once a week, for sure. DH to take him when he is around, for sure, before or after work. Less walks is less stress for you. Let dog have some time in the kitchen to chill/different room when you and children are eating.

Groomers once a month.

A bit of outsourcing has helped a lot. Dog walker sometimes takes him an extra day if I have had a shocking night and need to use the buggy nap time to do a bed nap and nap myself!

I've never heard of anyone slipping on dog drool before. Poor you.

We have a Labrador, he’s huge and really good natured but I’m feeling really fed up of it all.
I used to take DC1 in the sling then backpack all the time. Then dc2 came along and dc1 was only 2 and would cry being made to walk. For a time I tried a sling and then backpack but it was a nightmare. Now pregnant with our 3rd and final and struggle with the backpack not to mention the midwife thinks I have SPD.
Our neighbour who has a dog often takes ours so a few times a week but it’s more work for me as he ALWAYS comes back soaking and covered in mud. But it’s so ungrateful to tell him to stop or to not let the dog get a mess.

To me that's a no brainier. PIL all the way, nobody loses out in that scenario.

Your dh needs to take you more seriously

Just read your update. For God's sake, get rid of the dog. Do you not value yourself at all?

PIL sounds like a great idea. It's not working and you wouldn't be fobbing him off to a rescue, but to a known loving home where you could still visit and provide continuity for the pup.

Obviously kids will be sad but will be ok as they can still visit. DH needs to grow up, get over it and see what a burden is being placed on you.

You aren't even getting rid of the dog, just letting him go on a long holiday to the grandparents!

If DH doesn't do the maintenance, then DH doesn't get to make the decisions.

Sorry, I meant that kindly but my tone was a bit sharp. My point is, you are the one who does all the work so you get to make the choice about whether it is feasible for you to continue

And it can go to your pil, so everyone gets to keep in touch with the dog.

Win win

Rehome him. You’re the one forced to do everything so it’s your decision. It’s ridiculous to prioritise a dog over your own heath and well being, it’s no one’s decision but yours.

Perhaps you should have thought about this when you got a dog when you were pregnant the first time. But no, you can't cope with dog and 2 young dc with a husband that works away and doesn't do his fair share so you thought a third child would be a good idea?
But it does sound like you should rehome the dog because you can't meet its needs it seems kinder than to keep a dog you resent.
Let's just hope you don't start to resent dc1 or 2 because I've heard it's quite a bit harder to rehome children.

Have you been tested to see if your allergic to dogs? If your physical health has deteriorated since getting him where your asthma is worse and you have red itchy eyes that needs to be tackled. Get tested as it sounds like your allergic to your dog

I cannot believe that you are suffering badly with allergies to the point that you need inhalers, that medical professionals believe it’s caused by the dog and yet your husband won’t believe them? Don’t know what to tell you really ...

I agree with @raspberryk above. It’s your fault for not looking into it properly. It’s also terribly unfair on the dog to be seen this way. He’s a living, breathing creature, not a commodity. However, if PIL do want him, let them have him - for HIS sake.

And for the love of Dog don’t get any other pets.

Oh I have a lot of sympathy. We had a Labrador for 12 years, just lost him to cancer December just gone. I do miss him but it's so much easier! Not stepping over him all the time, not trying to control the shedding, the smell, the general neediness. He was a typical Labrador - so goofy and lovable, the sweetest old chap. I miss him, but I don't miss having a dog.

It's really unfair of your family for guilt-tripping you about him. They can't/don't help you enough but then pull this blackmail when you're expressing your frustration. It's just not good enough. People should be more important than pets.

You need a pushchair that can cope with a muddy track regardless of the dog issue.

I highly recommend an out n about 360 nipper.

Dog goes on holiday for now. At least until DC3 is at whatever stage you start to find easier (for me this is around 18mo).

DH has a minority say until he is the one primarily responsible for the dog's wellbeing

I have a Labrador and I totally understand. The hair is soul destroying at times!! I’ve told people that she believes her name is ‘for fuck sake’ I spent hours cleaning sloppy dog shit off my lawn yesterday so my daughter can play in the garden. I moan and moan about her... however, she’s 9. She’s mine until the pearly gates, I do love her and I treat her very well (as she absolutely deserves) but that doesn’t stop me resenting her at times, and getting frustrated. The constant hair in my house makes me feel agitated and frustrated. I feel like I’ve added even more work to my life by having her, but at the same time she’s a lovely, gorgeous dog and I feel terrible for feeling that way...

I’m sure all these other posters who think you should martyr yourself over a dog will be willing to come and help you out daily OP. Ffs. 🙄

Spring hayfever bothers my OH he takes piriton for it, this year he is also using beconase. He is fine outdoors but now when he comes in is like you badly affected We have two dogs who are walked in the country I think they are bringing in pollen. One is elderly now so not long for this world. So we will be down to one dog.

Your PIL is the perfect choice.

Your DH is a twat. He does fuck all with the dog and doesn't give a shit about your health.
Tell him the dog either goes to PIL if they bloody love it so much or gets rehomed as you cannot deal with it anymore.