AIBU to be resentful about the dog

[Mamawingingit1234]

Please don’t rip me to shreds for this.

We got our dog when I was pregnant and decided to be a SAHM.

My asthma which has been manageable my whole adult life has slowly deteriorated over the last few years to the point I’m on a preventer inhaler morning and night. Reliever inhaler still during the day - noticeably more when in the house all day. My eyes have been regularly red and itchy and at time painfully swollen. My asthma nurse thinks I’m allergic, the doctor thinks I’m allergic but my DH doesn’t.

I’m also so fed up of the dog hair EVERYWHERE. I hoover several times a day. And the drool! When pregnant with second I slipped pretty badly on his drool and had to get checked. Now he’s not allowed in any room when there is food because it’s uncontrollable.
DH loves the dog. The kids love the dog. I’m starting to resent the dog. I do 90% of the walking, grooming and cleaning. DHs work involves travel and I didn’t think how difficult it would be going out for walks. We live in the country side, no paved paths. All national speed limit roads and mud tracks. It takes longer to get the kids ready for a walk than they can walk. Can’t get a buggy down the mud track and don’t feel safe to walk on the road with the kids.

DH and I have had several “talks” about the dog and I’m always made to feel like a terrible person for thinking about rehoming him mainly to PIL who LOVE the dog.

Am I a terrible person for feeling resentful? I feel like the dog is more of a priority than me.

But on the other hand I do feel like a shit person for feeling this way.

Have you been tested for the suspected allergy? If not, pay for that.

You and your H made a poor choice to get the dog.

Agree though that should you have an allergy affecting your asthma, your health is more important than the dog.

The choice was poor because (1) you knew you had athsma, which is often affected by pets; and (2) you were pregnant and after DC lots changes, eg SAH/WOH plans, amount of domestic work, parenting!

It could be the dog causing your increased asthma -- but it could also be the products you started using when you had kids. Try cutting out scented detergent and stop using dryer sheets, and put a fan in the kitchen window when you run the dishwasher. NO AIR FRESHENER. Those are all simple things that cause asthma issues in our family.

I think yabu for having got the dog in the first place but it sounds now like he would be better off somewhere else or you outsource more.
Could you drive somewhere for his walks? Use a mud daddy to clean him off outside the house before you go in? Pop the kids in front of 5 mins of Peppa while you do it. Dog walker a few times a week and she showers him off.

I got our dog at three months pregnant with my first plus a husband who works away a lot. I drive to the nearby forest so he can have a good run off lead and I don't have to worry about paths etc. It is hard at home sometimes and only now my DD is 16 months do I feel I've regained the relationship I had with him before she was born. But he is family and I could never re-home him for being a dog.

Maybe try a months trial at pils?

pigsDOfly
Personally, I would get the asthma trigger investigated and get a dog walker to keep the dog settled if possible before uprooting it.
After that (or if the above isn't possible) then responsible rehoming would be best for the dog. That would need to be to a home where it will have stability and appropriate care, so personally I wouldn't be in favour of a pick n mix set up with PIL where the dog is passed around based on if and when it's convenient for people to look after it/walk it.

@Mamawingingit1234 re the elevated bed - if the bed is a hammock type bed it won't be giving him proper support under his hips. We didn't realise this until our vet pointed it out for our dog with arthritis in his spine; we then bought a couple of bassinet/cot mattresses and noticed a big improvement in his mobility/flexibility/stiffness.

It's a tough spot you're in, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Our current dog impacts hugely on our life but mainly mine, and I was resentful of him for a while when it seemed that he was the priority and I was there merely to facilitate the good life for him. Once we got that sorted out (husband took him to obedience classes and is a lot more active in day to day dog life) things were a lot better for all of us. It doesn't help that current pooch is a lot more needy than our first dog and we've had to make a lot of sacrifices for both him and the cat. Once they are no longer with us we have decided we'll be petless.

In your position I'd def be pushing for a chat with the PIL. Of course husband and kids love him, they're not impacted nearly as much as you are, and realistically with your husband travelling regularly he can't be as involved as he should be. I'm surprised at some of the harsh comments on here.

Do it. I prefer DDog to DP in many many ways and disagree with re-homing a family pet for convenience sake generally. But in your situation I would do it in a second.