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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be resentful about the dog

132 replies

Mamawingingit1234 · 13/03/2020 21:53

Please don’t rip me to shreds for this.

We got our dog when I was pregnant and decided to be a SAHM.

My asthma which has been manageable my whole adult life has slowly deteriorated over the last few years to the point I’m on a preventer inhaler morning and night. Reliever inhaler still during the day - noticeably more when in the house all day. My eyes have been regularly red and itchy and at time painfully swollen. My asthma nurse thinks I’m allergic, the doctor thinks I’m allergic but my DH doesn’t.

I’m also so fed up of the dog hair EVERYWHERE. I hoover several times a day. And the drool! When pregnant with second I slipped pretty badly on his drool and had to get checked. Now he’s not allowed in any room when there is food because it’s uncontrollable.
DH loves the dog. The kids love the dog. I’m starting to resent the dog. I do 90% of the walking, grooming and cleaning. DHs work involves travel and I didn’t think how difficult it would be going out for walks. We live in the country side, no paved paths. All national speed limit roads and mud tracks. It takes longer to get the kids ready for a walk than they can walk. Can’t get a buggy down the mud track and don’t feel safe to walk on the road with the kids.

DH and I have had several “talks” about the dog and I’m always made to feel like a terrible person for thinking about rehoming him mainly to PIL who LOVE the dog.

Am I a terrible person for feeling resentful? I feel like the dog is more of a priority than me.

But on the other hand I do feel like a shit person for feeling this way.

OP posts:
Defenbaker · 14/03/2020 02:10

OP your allergic reaction alone is more than enough justification for rehoming the dog.

I speak as someone who loves cats, and had 2 cats for years, but struggled for several of those years due to developing an allergy to them. I had red itchy eyes, itchy face, constant sneezing and occasional mild asthma attacks. I coped as best I could, by keeping the cats out of the bedrooms and minimising contact with them, and took an anti histamine tablet each day, which dampened down the sysmptoms a little, but basically I was livimg with the enemy to my health so it was always an uphill struggle. People who don't have allergies have no idea how awful it is to live like that, it's basically like having a cold all year around, one that you never recover from.

We couldn't rehome our cats due to their ages and health problems, so we let them live out their lives, and DH gave them the strokes that I could not. Our last cat lived to be 19... the last 5 years felt like 10, to me. Don't be a martyr, rehome the dog. If DH doesn't care enough about your health to support you in this decision, then perhaps rehome him as well.

LouiseCollina · 14/03/2020 03:13

Get that dog packed off to the PIL asap OP. You can trust and believe I had my life destroyed by an enormous dog (not mine) for years because I allowed myself to be guilt-tripped into keeping it in my home. I realise now looking back that guilt-tripping was a form of bullying and it cost my peace of mind dearly. The dog belonged to a family member who was living with me and the only reason I didn't put my foot down was because I didn't have the sort of option you've got. It's a perfect solution to re-home the dog with family members who love him already. With the work you've got on your hands with three young kids, what you're being expected to put up with is just absurd. Do it, really. You won't know yourself.

Butterymuffin · 14/03/2020 06:07

Yes, you've got a good option so use it. Put your foot down. This isn't fair to you at all.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 14/03/2020 06:11

You chose to have a dog now he's a bit of hard work you don't want him? Give him to someone who does.

Jokie · 14/03/2020 06:12

You're not being unreasonable. I think your DH really needs to step up and actually take on the hard work with the dog.

I agree to getting the dog walker /cleaner to help you out. Do your in-laws live close enough to help walk him?

As for the hip issue, that's a big issue in itself. My brother's lab had it and wasnt allowed for any walks off lead. How bad is it?

Ponoka7 · 14/03/2020 06:19

Because your PIL will have the dog, then rehome it.

But all of the issues that you are having were obvious.

FreyaMountstuart · 14/03/2020 06:22

Wow your husband is a charmer - if the dog goes to PIL for say 6 weeks and your asthma clears up what’s his excuse then?.

JudyCoolibar · 14/03/2020 06:32

Can you get yourself allergy tested? That way if it's established that you're allergic to dog hairs it won't be up for debate.

But in any event unless your DH is prepared to do something radical to provide some help, sending the dog to PIL is the way to go.

MumofTinies · 14/03/2020 06:35

How was OP supposed to know that a dog would have this impact on her health? OP your health comes first and your DH is out of order to bury your head in the sand. I know people don't like it when people mention coronavirus outside of the topic, but right now you NEED your asthma under control. The dog has a perfect home lined up where he will be well looked after and the children and DH can visit, don't feel a moment's guilt about sending him there Flowers

MarieG10 · 14/03/2020 06:37

YANBU. I had the same calls to get a dog from DH and kids and I refused point black for many of the reasons you outlined. Plus we are now both out a lot working so was the right thing to do and the demands to get one soon died down.

I have seen so many other families get a dog and it falls to one person to look after it, usually the one who didn't want it and then the dog walked/care ends up being booked.

And as you have identified, when someone develops you face the dilemma you have
At least you have an option with with PIL so take it

MsTSwift · 14/03/2020 06:39

Jesus I felt stressed just reading that. Selfish bastard your dh is. The dog goes.

Round here the norm is to get the dog when youngest child mid to late primary. Pre schoolers and dogs is drudge overload

BullshitVivienne · 14/03/2020 06:43

The excel code typo is making me laugh. What is it meant to be?!

Beautiful3 · 14/03/2020 06:43

Agree dogs are hard work but hes affecting your health. Yes rehome him with pil. Everyone's a winner. Im sure you could visit and take him out for walks whenever you get time.

KatherineJaneway · 14/03/2020 06:44

Can you get a test to prove you are allergic to the dog? I ask as I think only a piece of paper will sway your DH by the sounds of it. I feel sorry for the dog but it needs to go and live with PIL. You make that happen without your dh if necessary.

thefemalelemur · 14/03/2020 06:47

Your DH is a fucking idiot. It's very clear you are allergic to the dog, why does he think you're not? I'm a dog lover with allergies so I can empathise, and if I was in the state you're in the dog would be moving to the in laws, today! Do not give in on this, it's either the dog moves out or you do.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/03/2020 06:50

Another dog lover here. Your dog will be so much happier at your in Laws house. He has hip dysplasia. I imagine that will be very painful and no fun fo be pawed by 3 tiny children. This plus your asthma makes it a no brainer for me. If the dog is legally in your name rather than your dh, I would sign it over to your in laws.

You have to keep yourself healthy. As has been pointed out asthma is deadly especially in the current climate. You’re also pregnant, which reduces your lung capacity further.

I agree with others that you should have taken the dog into consideration when deciding how many children you have. A second I can understand. But a third??

Stormblessed · 14/03/2020 06:51

Could the dog not go for a trial period to see if your symptoms improve? Might be easier to sell that idea.

PlumsGalore · 14/03/2020 06:51

Do PIL actually want the dog or do they just love him lots but glad to give him back, you know like grandchildren.

If they want him, fair enough.

Roselilly36 · 14/03/2020 06:53

@pigsDOfly

I agree totally.

MyTwoPence · 14/03/2020 07:03

Yanbu - well you are for resenting the dog because it's not the dogs fault. But you're not for wanting to re-home the dog, and resenting your DH for being a selfish git about it.

The dog goes to your PIL for a trial period. If your asthma improves, it doesn't come back. If your DH won't prioritise your health - which could kill you - why are you with him?

AJPTaylor · 14/03/2020 07:27

My best mate rehomed her dog to her parents when her kids were 7, 8 and 2. She was in a difficult position generally and her mum offered. The difference having one less dependent made on her mental health was significant.

adaline · 14/03/2020 07:29

This is one of those things you should have seen coming from a mile off. Three young children, a parent with asthma and a young bouncy Labrador - in the nicest way, what the bloody hell were you thinking?!

If your in-laws will have him, let them but please don't get another pet.

Minai · 14/03/2020 07:36

It sounds really tough especially as you are the one doing all the hard work with the dog. If it was a case of taking the dog to a shelter then I’d say try to find solutions to help make life easier, ie a cleaner coming in and getting a dog walker but as there is an easy solution of PIL having the dog it’s a no brainer. Especially as your dh and kids will still get to see the dog. Dh is being unfair expecting you to deal with it all.

motherheroic · 14/03/2020 07:43

Clearly no research was done. There are plenty of low energy, minimal work dogs you could have gotten. But instead you got a Labrador, clearly not from a reputable breeder as it has hip dysplasia?

Give the dog to your PIL.

motherheroic · 14/03/2020 07:45

Also I agree with PP's. Just get an allergy test so you have proof.